Transformation on the Blog
Hi All, A few months ago, NeoInsight wrote in asking questions about his marriage to his Emotionally Dissociated wife. If you haven't been following the comments that followed the post, NeoInsight has not only divorced his wife, but has also left the Drama Triangle, too, which meant leaving another friendship behind as well. You can read about his journey in the post entitled Questions about Emotional Dissociation which was updated just today.It is an interesting thing that our difficulties in our relationships always come back to ourselves. It's very easy as Empaths to see the Emotionally Dissociated friend or partner as the problem, and believe me, they can be really aggravating. But, the more interesting question is why are we in the relationship? What are we getting out of it? What is our part in creating the problem? These questions take the focus to where it belongs--our own healing. And when we heal ourselves, we change our vibration, and then everything around us changes, including our relationship that was the original focus. Sometimes the relationship ends, but sometimes it also magically transforms.Elaine
Emotional Dissociation---Exposing the Dissociated Hero
I was just asked the question of whether it should be explained to the dissociated hero the motivations that lead her to be cold and unfeeling in her relationships. My reader had found my essay on dissociated heroes and discovered that his girlfriend could be described as one. Especially in a break up situation, explaining what is wrong with the hero is probably a bad idea. While it can be a relief to discover the motivations behind a person's actions, especially when that person has hurt or aggravated us, we have to remember that people are defended for a reason. To forcibly break down those defenses is in some ways very cruel.Of course, most Empaths are not attempting cruelty, they are attempting to bring clarity. Empaths, who are very attached to clarity and authenticity and so tend to listen carefully to others' observations of them, have a tendency not to see that their efforts at explaining the faults of another when unasked are seen as an attack rather than as a help by the average person, and by the dissociated hero in particular. If a break up has already occurred, chances are that the defended hero is not interested in learning more or becoming more self-aware. Questions to ask before attempting to educate a former mate or best friend are, "Is this person aware of the affect her actions have on others, or does she react based upon how she believes the person should react according to his role?" "Does she normally just want to move onward and forward without looking back at the past?" The answers to these questions will reveal how disconnected the Hero is from her inner self. The more disonnected, the worse an explanation will be received. Most dissociated heroes are not interested in becoming self-aware. That very self-awareness points them in the direction of their inner feelings of unworthiness. If the Empath or the unwitting person decides to inform the dissociated hero of what motivates her, the Empath is likely to be attacked or even completely ignored in return. If the Empath doesn’t mind the verbal and psychic abuse likely to head her way, konking the dissociated hero on the head with unwanted knowledge can be a sufficient release of frustration, and also has the added benefit in that the Empath can assuage any feelings of having not done enough to save the relationship.Perhaps in some cases a revelation might be helpful. I have found this only to be true if the other, when not under stress, has committed to a lifetime of personal growth, and understands the challenges, AND when under stress walks his/her talk. Even those that do commit to growth can reach their limits and simply may not be able to see past their own defenses. This applies to all of us, not just dissociated Heroes. Growth happens in its own time, and usually it happens most gracefully with the consent and inquiry of the one undertaking the growth. So, as long as my reader is ready to take the consequences, it may be worth it to him to attempt to educate the Hero.I have to say, though, that when I was involved with a dissociated Hero, my attempts to educate her led to the break up of not just our friendship, but several other relationships in our group of mutual friends as well. Not only that, but the information I gave the Hero fell on deaf ears in that years later she asked for my help in getting out the same sort of dramatic situation Heroes tend to create that I had complained of. At the time her request for help was mindboggling, but that is how disconnected from reality dissociated Heroes can be. People really do learn in their own time and sometimes not even with help, and not even with cold hard experience. Let me know if you have further questions or comments on this topic. I know this is a hot one for Empaths, who are driven to be authentic and truthful, and fix whatever needs fixing. Sometimes the motto to follow is to cause the least harm and let others to their own paths without our input, especially when it has been made clear that it is not wanted or valued. Sometimes that entails simply cutting our losses and walking away, without the reconciliation and the understanding we might want, or they might want, given that we'll suffer damage by staying in the relationship.
Questions about Dealing with Emotional Dissociation
Hello I enjoyed your article on Intuitives, Empaths, and the Dissociated person. I am traveling through a very difficult time in my life and have literally felt like I don't know what hit me. I am an intuitive but just beginning my spiritual journey. I am a scientist with an open mind and am finding so much truth in the spiritual side of life. I have been married for 12 years and although my wife is a great mother (we have two boys), I have discovered that I am in an abusive relationship - abusive emotionally. I have discovered this after countless hours of research and reading and talking to many different people including a year of counseling (both with my wife and by myself). My close family members have told me for years that things were not as I observed - I was ordered around and not loved or respected. My wife is not a bad person, but we don't seem to function well together, unless I am taking care of all of the emotion. We are different creatures. I have felt like my energy has slowly been drained over the years and now I have nothing left to give to her.It appears that our marriage is over. I have no desire to jump through the next higher layer of hoops to win her over. We have both said that in our gut we know it is over. We are separted but still sleeping in the same bed and this is the plan for a year. I have withdrawn my emotional energy from her and I am feeling better, but at times she seems bitter. I am preparing to move on, but finding I feel uneasy and lonely at times.I have two questions in relation to your article. First, myself and others that I have shown this article to do not quite understand what is meant by the intuitive processing the dissociated persons emotional energy for them. I can understand that my energy field has been drained, but not the processing part.The second part of my question is, is it better to stay in a dead-end relationship for kids sake or is it more important for my soul and that of my children (and even my wife's) to move on and be true to myself and hope to find another person of similar spirit? I know similar people to me are out there, in fact I believe I met a soul mate of mine 10 years ago - we have been close friends since. I know there are studies, some of which say it is best to stay together (for the kids sake), but others say it is best to show the kids true happiness, which can't be found in the current relationship. So from a spiritual perspective, what is best for myself, my wife, and our kids? I truly believe that my wife is dissociated and has deep emotional sadness and pain (which I can't get to in order to help), therefore the direction that I am heading appears to match what your article recommends - step out of the way gently, which I interpret to mean that I should move on (I am not suggesting that your article is telling me to leave my wife!).I know from my core that I must move on. My counselor has told me this and he is helping me move in this direction - not pushing me but definately guiding me, my family has suggested this, my wife wants to. I guess since I haven't done this before, it does terrify me, but I also know that I am happy on my own and will always be - alone or not, my happiness comes from within. I love life, my job, my kids, and the journey that I am just starting. I am finding strength in my soul mate, friends, family, counseling, and wonderfully insightful articles such as this. I guess what I am looking for someone to tell me it is okay to move on, in fact it is the right thing to do. I definately have the strength to do this, but it is incredibly difficult at times. I know that you do not know me, so I am looking for a broader spiritual answer and not necessarily one specific to my situation. I am mainly concerned about my children and how this will affect them. I had hoped and expected to be with them every day of their childhood.Thanks for your time,NeoInsight
May 2008 Newsletter
Hello Everyone!I've created a new newsletter on my website for May. Included are topics around self-care and the challenge of healing work.http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/May2008Newsletter.htm Enjoy!!Elaine
Letting the Heart Break Open
I had the honor of assisting a client through the beautiful but difficult process of letting her heart break open. Like most of us, she had many defenses over her heart, and yet she wanted to bring a soul mate into her life. I very clearly had seen for her that she was going to have this beautiful soul mate after she jumped off the cliff into her path as a shaman healer, and that they would travel together. The man in the reading looked like the actor who plays Superman, so we called him Superman fondly. As my client settled in to clear those places in her life that were holding her back from stepping into her calling, wonderful opportunities began to manifest for her. She brought in a job that would solve her financial problems which required a relocation. As she was waiting to relocate, she decided to follow her heart and try new and fun things. She met some wonderful people to whom she connected on many levels. She knew these relationships were temporary because of the upcoming job, so she let herself enjoy herself in the moment. And she started a very close friendship and connection with one of the men she had met. Because she was in the moment and she had told herself it was temporary, none of her defenses were up, and she was able to deeply connect with this man, and he with her. Her heart was opening, and yet she was fearing the loss of having her heart break if she really let herself love him, since she knew that he wasn't ultimately for her. I encouraged her to let her heart break all the way open, to let herself truly see and be seen by this man, to let herself love him with no strings attached, if she respected, admired, and loved him as much as she said she did. It did not matter if he wasn't Superman, what mattered was her being authentic and willing to be truly intimate with him on all levels. The truth was that she loved him, she knew that he loved her, there was nothing preventing declaring this except wanting to spare herself pain and grief when it came to an end. And she went for it! She held him in a beautiful heart space and told him she loved him. He didn't respond immediately with his own declaration of love for her. She was able to not take it personally that he didn't immediately declare his love, because the open heart does not need to take everything personally and understands the soul is on journey. Because her Heart Space was so wide open, it allowed his to open, and he declared his love for her the next day. Then their relationship blossomed, they could see each other as life partners, and an exciting future together was very easy to plan out. I had actually felt the shift in my client from glancing at their picture in between sessions on accident and knew she had jumped off that cliff and found her Superman. Before she took the action and made the declaration, the energy of the picture was completely different. It was the Open Heart, the willingness to act from that space, and the declaration of love that changed her into Superwoman ready for Superman. But my client remembered that the original reading told her that he wasn't her soul mate. So, she was in a bind of fearing that she was giving up the destiny that she really wanted for a man that she loved who wasn't meant for her. She was conflicted and confused. How could what she had with her lover not be the relationship, how could it not match up with her path as a shaman healer when everything about it now felt fantastic and right? She still was leaving for her new job in just a few weeks, but even the long distance didn't matter, they were both confident that it would work. When we next spoke she was reluctant to discuss with me her relationship because she wanted to become clear that she was hearing her own soul before I added any more information. It was with the great pleasure to confirm for her that Yes, this was it!! And that she had made it possible with her huge open heart. It was part of her journey to walk the painful path of opening her heart without a guarantee of success. It had been a possibility that her lover wouldn't have responded with his own open heart, and wouldn't have stepped in as her soulmate. Ironically, it was also part of her journey to feel the conflict of apparently going against what she had thought was her path versus what she knew to be her path. Now she will know for the rest of her life that she can trust her heart, and that she can trust her soul to guide her. She has the visceral experience of knowing what was right for her soul versus what was an old interpretation that didn't fit the new energy she herself had brought in. My client will Source from her Soul now instead of from anyone else, even her shaman teachers. I am so excited for this couple, I was laughing and crying as she was telling me her good news. What a joy! This is the magic of the Open Heart. It brings healing and expansion to relationships, it literally pulled in a joyous destiny that was unavailable without the Heart Space to activate it, and it is the only guarantee to a rich and meaningful existence.
Destiny Retrieval
Hi Everyone,I just returned from another Soul Retrieval Training given by the Four Winds. This training concentrated on Destiny Retrieval. Sounds intriguing, doesn't it!! Destiny Retrieval includes the art of journeying to the upperworld and retrieving healed states, gifts, and the essences of what we would like to create in our future. I have many inquiries from potential clients who want to have a Destiny Retrieval. However, the key to a successful Destiny Retrieval is to work on all the old stuff that needs to be put to rest (die) in order to bring in something new (rebirth) That means lots of soul retrieval work, extractions, and illuminations to clear the old imprints so the person's energyfield is ready to receive the new information.In my work with my clients, every once in a while, usually after several months of working together, I am not allowed into the underworld (where soul retrieval work is usually done) but told to go to the upperworld instead. Those times are very exciting for me because it's a sure indication that my client has done his or her work that they are ready! and the Great Spirit agrees.Destiny Retrieval IS wonderful, but it is powerful work. If we don't step into that powerful destiny retrieved for us, our lives can turn bad. I've actually seen this happen to people who don't have a formal shamanic destiny retrieval, but who instead commit to a big change in their lives (to go to school, to bring in the right mate, etc.) and then they don't take the steps necessary to bring it into being. So, it is important to recognize that we already do create our destinies with each dream we dream and each choice we make.The shamanic work adds more power to what we already do in a clear way. If you have questions or comments, let me know!Elaine
Empathy and Being a Scapegoat
Hi Everyone!I've published a new essay on my website around a very painful trap that Empaths can fall into; processing the emotional energy of not just one person, but of an entire group, and then being rejected by the group for holding all those unwanted emotions. This can be horribly confusing and painful for the sensitive soul. Here's the link: http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/Scapegoating.htm I hope this is helpful and you are enjoying the entrance of Summer!Elaine
Anger and Generational Imprints
One of the more common generational imprints I've seen within my practice are those in which Rage is passed down generation to generation. Most of us understand that anger in itself is not a "negative" emotion, although most of us are uncomfortable expressing that emotion. We've all had anger directed at us that when expressed has been done in such a way that causes damage all around. Anger can be a force for good. Most reform happens because someone and then a critical mass of people have become angry enough to stand up for themselves and enact change. In fact, I tell my empathic clients not to be afraid of their anger for it is usually a signal that they have let their boundaries and limits be overrun by someone else. Then we break down the incident so the empath can learn where her limits are so she does not have to become angry in similar situations. In this way, Anger can be seen as a survival mechanism. It can be very protective and helpful. However, when we are enraged, that is usually because we have old bottled up anger that is ready to explode and wipe out everyone around us. If this anger is generational, then not only do we have our own old anger, we have our ancestors' anger, too. This sort of rage can be very hard to control, and we may need help understanding it, or we may need to understand why it became a part of the family contracts so we can rewrite those contracts in a way that serves us better. There is usually some hidden benefit to becoming that angry. The benefit may be that it keeps us from being totally overwhelmed by life circumstances. It may be that it prevents us from dealing with grief or sadness that underlies the original anger. In my own life, I have a very strong anger streak that runs through my father's side of the family. We even call it the Moran family anger. My great uncle, with humor and chagrin, told stories of how his aunts met in wagons at intersections out in Minnesota, and yelled, screamed, and insulted each other on the weekends. My great aunt, this great uncle's wife, told stories of him throwing food around the kitchen when he wasn't satisfied with his dinner, and she also told stories of my grandmother angrily cutting off family members for tiny slights. This was hard to picture, visiting their calm and tidy house with my great uncle's beautiful garden during the holidays, but I had seen my own father, normally quiet and introverted, fly into similar rages. Needless to say, I was terrified of my own anger and that I, too, had inherited this curse. I saw it play out with my father and my mother, and I did not want to have those outbursts myself. But I did anway. It took great practice to label my anger as my own responsiblity. Each time I tried to say that that person "made" me angry, I had to very firmly take responsibility for my anger back to myself. I had to ask myself, where did I allow my limit to be crossed? Did I know my limits? Was I inviting someone to fail so I could take a stab at them later? Did they know what my expecations were, or was I expecting them to read my mind? I also journeyed to take a look at what the benefit for my family was in holding all this anger. There was a strong sense of justice that came along with it---that ancestors had been wronged in the past. The anger gave them the strength to survive. I had Irish ancestors that weren't well treated, and then later I had French Canadian and Native American ancestors that had continued that pattern. But, the gift was clear---anger led to a sense of strength and endurance, and it also led to a sense of justice and fairness when it was not twisted into victimhood and blame. So, in understanding the benefits of the generational imprint, I was able to honor the gifts my angry ancestors had given me, and discard all the rest. It is still a practice to honor my anger, and express it without insult and on time when it does arise, so it doesn't blow into rages. If you are suffering from unresolved rage, it might be generational. It probably is if as a child you had an angry parent. Soul Retrieval and Extraction Work will probably help a great deal. Becoming conscious of the benefit of the anger will also help. But ultimately, taking responsiblity for the anger, owning it completely, reminding ourselves that we are the ones responsible for our anger and our expressions of it puts the power directly in our hands. As we practice taking responsibility for our anger, at first we will discover to our horror how much damage we have done to the people around us. We have probably been holding our loved ones hostage if we have been blaming them for our anger. They might have stopped speaking to us their real needs, thinking that all they will invite is an angry outburst. They probably have their own resentments brewing since they do not feel safe enough to express them to us. Or, they might have left entirely just to get away from the constant sense of danger. They could also be so beaten down and victimized by our anger that they have given up entirely and tip toe around us, and then we may be angry at them for being so weak and cowardly. The practice is, whenever we become angry, to step back and ask ourselves, where did this come from? It is perfectly OK to say to the person with us, "I am so angry right now, I don't know what to do!" Refrain from blaming (i.e. You are making me angry!) If we need to leave because we know we are about to fly out of control, we can tell that to our companion, and go for a breath of air or leave the room. Then, we can look at what limit has been reached. What happened to trigger the anger? Is there a need that can be met? Is this old anger, or is it really something new? With practice, we can move into conscious competence of this powerful emotion. We no longer have to be frightened of the anger that lies within us, but can use it for self-discovery and personal power.
New Upcoming Workshop---children and parents
Hi All, I'm putting together a new workshop for parents of young children. As a new mother myself, I am learning as I go! This workshop will cover subjects such as how to create sacred spaces and containers for your children, how to keep your child heart connected so his intuitive and spiritual gifts stay intact, how to help the sensitive child (and the sensitive parent), how to help your children problem solve by tuning into your empathic gifts, and a few basics on energywork to help children and parents. If you have topics you'd like to see discussed, please let me know! I plan to have this workshop up and running by fall at the latest. Stay tuned! Elaine
Drama and Empathy---Being a Rescuer
Hi Everyone, The Drama Triangle is essential for Empaths and Spiritual Seekers to understand so we can avoid it and have more energy to create the lives that we really want. Practicing spotting when we are playing any of the three roles (Victim, Rescuer, Perpetrator) can help take us out of the drama triangle forever and into personal empowerment. Because the roles of drama are archetypal (they are a part of our culture and group consciousness) they can be hard to notice when we are playing them. Once the Empath comes to terms with the way he or she acts out a victim story, the next role to look at is the Rescuer. This is the role that is the most confusing for Empaths. Because empaths are easily hooked in to the emotional responses of others, and we are naturally compassionate, and because emotional energy is something that we are good at processing, we can find ourselves making others in our lives feel better by processing the others' emotions for them, or by trying to actively fix and find solutions for the others in our lives. Although usually there are good intentions involved, rescuing usually does not work out well because it still leaves the victim disempowered and the rescuing empath depleted. In more unhealed cases, rescuers can get themselves into trouble by making themselves necessary to the victim's life. More common for the Empath is the times when we are not aware that we are playing the role of rescuer, and we discover ourselves in a relationship where we find we are considered necessary to another, even though we haven't chosen this for ourselves. Then we can find ourselves feeling trapped and unable to figure out how to escape. In fact, whatever victim we have attracted to ourselves has expectations on how we should behave as rescuer. When we don't come through for this person the way she expects, she can become very angry with us and blame us for a failed rescue. (The rescuer now becomes the perpetrator in the victim's eyes for the failed rescue.) From the rescuer's perspective, we are in danger of thinking of ourselves as a victim of the angry victim's blame and demands, and so the original victim we were supposed to rescue has become the perpetrator. If we do not catch ourselves at this point, we can continue this cycle of switching places on the drama triangle, creating discomfort and pain for everyone involved. The way out of this, if we tend to be rescuers, is to make sure that our support is not crossing the line into the other person's power. If we unwittingly attract a victim person to us, in some cases once we notice we are in this pattern, we can mention what we see, and if the person is conscious enough and willing enough, she may step out of their victim pattern. In other cases we may have to weather a brief storm from her for failing to rescue the victim the way she would like us to, but if we hold still, the storm will pass and the victim will move on to finding a better rescuer. And then we will be the wiser and stop the pattern earlier the next time. It's a practice!!!Elaine
Drama and Empathy---being a victim
Hi Everyone, I'm in the process of writing a guide for empaths, and one of the topics that comes up again and again in my practice is how Empaths tend to get stuck in drama. A drama can be created when we find ourselves acting or behaving as victims. Being a victim is a position of powerlessness, which then makes it hard to create the life we really want. We literally cannot manifest our dreams because the vibe we put out is all around helplessness. Instead, what we attract to us is a Rescuer (who tries to fix us or solve our problems for us, keeping us powerless) or we attract a Perpetrator (who picks on us, and makes us feel even more victimized). This can be a hugely vicious cycle. The way to get out of it is to catch yourself if you are blaming someone or circumstances for your emotional or mental state, and then put yourself back into a position of power by claiming responsiblity for your emotions and thoughts. For empaths this can be a challenge because we can identify so strongly with our emotions. The emotions are not the problem, however, our perspective around the circumstance at hand is. When we change the way we relate to the world, it automatically changes how it relates to us.
Manifestation and the Power of the Spoken Word
Hi Everyone,Have you watched the DVD, the Secret, that is so popular right now? Very fun, very inspiring, very simple. Why can't we all manifest what we want? Why are so many of us having so much trouble with this topic? Well, one stumbling block I've noticed to creatives manifesting their dream is a misuse of their words. When we are on the spiritual path, our karma starts coming back to us quickly. So, if we've been in the bad habit of not using our words impeccably, we can create chaos in our lives as our external world immediately starts reflecting those creative words back at us. It's a time to be vigilant in what we are saying!!! If we are in the habit of commiting to events, to appointments, to others, and then we cancel at the last minute, the external world will offer us a nearly completed dream, and then at the last minute will "cancel" it on us. This is a simple reflection---what we put out comes back to us. When we commit to a spirit-based life, the law of karma acts quickly! If you are suffering from dreams that fall apart at the last minute, take a good look at your words and to if you hold yourself to your commitments or if you tend to cancel in the 11th hour.Elaine
Boundaries, Speaking our Needs
Hi Everyone,I had a client ask me recently what to do when a roommate invites a houseguest over for a 10 day stay during the holidays in an already crowded apartment. My client is highly intuitive and sensitive, and also gives readings, which means she needs considerable down time. Her question was how to handle the situation, and whether or not there was more she could do energetically to protect herself during this time, or if she should just plan on staying somewhere else.Sometimes the best energetic boundary is speaking up for ourselves and our needs. Empaths know they have a different set of needs than most people, and so we can get the idea that our needs don't count as much because they seem unreasonable or too different from the rest of the world. Learning how to speak our needs unapologetically is a basic step in proper self-care. Yes, we take the first scary step in admitting who we are, but how else are people to truly know us?Empaths and intuitives tend to withdraw from this type of situation. A while back I wrote an essay on the need to speak up and the unconscious tendency of sensitive people to withdraw instead of communicate. You can visit that essay atIntuitive, Introverted PatternIn the end my client spoke to her roomate about discussing before hand any more extended visits. Her roommate did not "get" the problem, but because she respected her relationship with my client, agreed. My client was pleasantly surprised and took this as a lesson in her process of learning to claim and take care of who she really is.Elaine
New Essay on Empathy
Hi Everyone,I've finished a new essay on the challenges of being an Empath called Emotional Advocacy. It's under the publications page of my website. In this essay I talk about my experience of being pulled into the position of being the defender of an emotionally dissociated person. I was under the pull of a particular group dynamic, which many empathic people can find themselves in. I hope you enjoy, and that it's useful!The direct link ishttp://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmotionalAdvocacy.htmElaine
Creating Good Boundaries with My Partner and with Others
In a previous comment around taking on other people's energy, Jenna asked how I turn off taking on my husband's energy. Believe me, this is still a work in progress!!The first step is to become aware that I am taking on his energy in the first place. Many times, I get so wrapped up in processing his stuff, that I don't realize it is his and not mine. If I can get my head above water, I'll ask myself, is this my drama? The biggest clue for me that I'm processing my husband's stuff is that I can't resolve it on my own.For me, usually I can resolve my own conflicts, inner and outer, very quickly, because I don't mind conflict. But, when I'm processing another's stuff, it doesn't work out gracefully and causes problems like suddenly jumping into things that aren't really my business. So, if the "stuff" sticks around, I've learned to ask, "Is this really mine?" Especially if I start thinking all sorts of weird thoughts towards people that I wouldn't usually have a problem with.Very recently I discovered that I was carrying around my husband's anger that he was holding toward certain people in his familiy. For him, he's been taught/programmed that feeling anger, especially toward them, is not acceptable. For me, I come from a family that is not afraid of conflict, and in fact probably over-expresses their anger sometimes. ;-) However, because I'm not afraid of anger, and I have a healer's energy system, I'll gladly take on unconsciously whatever anger my husband doesn't want to deal with.When I figured out interaction out, I used a shamanic technique to send the anger/emotions back to my husband. I set the intention to collect all the energy that belonged to him that was not mine, and then I blew it back into his second chakra. My poor husband immediately felt anger. By my refusing to process it for him, he's starting the uncomfortable task of being in conflict and resolving his conflicts in a healthy way. He's also now learning to be comfortable with having the emotion in the first place, and learning what belief system and what woundings have come along with his anger. It's a huge task.Also, for the example where I had the symptoms of food poisoning the day after he did, I knew I was susceptible to taking on his stuff, and I set the intention to not take it on. Unfortunately I still did! But, another thing that we can do, if we feel that we are taking stuff on physically, is to put it into the symbollic or the mythic plane instead of our physical bodies. Many times I'll tune into a client, and tune into all their physical symptoms. One thing I can do instead is draw a tarot card and see symbollically what is going on with them if I know that they are experiencing heavy symptoms so my own body will not have to go through the same thing.Mostly, though, it is the intention to not process for the other, and to stay aware when I'm doing so. It takes practice!!Elaine
Energetic Healing, Energetic Contracts
A client asked:Hi!I have never posted a message on a discussion board before...but being that I just went through an energetic healing session with Elaine (who really rocks!) I am making good on the "welcome home party for my long lost soul part" phase.ANYHOO!My question is about Energetic Contracts - as in what are they? How are they formed? Does a person/soul impose it on themselves, or is some other person/soul involved??? How is it that they bind other family members (soul family members?) and/or the same soul over different lifetimes? Why are they so difficult to break??? Are there ones that are good too, not just ones that really suck a lot of energetic butt?Looks like my question kinda multiplied like bunnies there...Must be SPRINGTIME!;O) Wendy
Creativity, Love that Lasts, and the Beginners Mind
In my last Vein of Gold workhop we discussed the importance of approaching our creativity, our relationships, and life in general with a beginners mind. When we become experts on our art, or on our friends and family, or on life, we become bored and boring. In reality, we cannot even know ourselves completely---we are each that much of a mystery. Creativity becomes a way of ongoing self discovery, of awareness in the moment, and of fully engaging the world with freshness. By approaching our relationships in the same way, by acknowledging that we cannot know everything about another, we are able to be fascinated anew. Try beginners mind not just with your creative endeavors but with your partner and see if you fall in love all over again. I would love to hear about your experiences with beginners mind.Elaine
Why are all these old boyfriends showing up now?
Have you ever had the experience of deciding to change your life, and then suddenly all sorts of temptations appear to throw you off track?In our Attract Your Ideal Mate class we warn our participants about half way in that once they make the commitment to attract an Ideal Mate, many of their previous relationships will make another appearance. This happens with such regularity that we've made it a topic of the course. In one such instance a participant was contacted by several old boyfriends within the same week.What's going on here? We think what's happening is that Spirit/God/theDivine (how ever you want to call it) is arranging another opportunity for choice. Some think of it as a test of sincerity to choosing a new way of living (in this case, a new kind of relationship), but I wonder if it's not also an opportunity to achieve closure with old relationships before moving on to the rewarding next one.Has this happened to you, either with relationships or with other big life changes?Elaine
My Growing Intuition has made my friends less attractive
Have you ever had the experience of being with a group of people who all appeared to be enjoying themselves and having a good time, but at the same time you felt tension and unspoken words underneath the surface?For intuitive people, such experiences can be disorienting and confusing. Intuitive people are usually also highly empathic. They can tell when someone is lying, and they also can feel the shift in mood even if no one else is acknowledging it in words.Many intuitives when young speak about their experiences and then have them immediately discounted by adults who were very invested in making everything look nice on the surface. If this happened to you, and you believed these adults, it could be a long process to trust your intuitives hits.When I began fully embracing my intuition as an adult, I found that I could no longer tolerate being close with certain people, but not only that, I no longer *wanted* to be close to them. This can be very hard to explain to others who do not value intuition, or who are so invested in not knowing what's really going on they live in denial and stay on the surface.Has this happened to you? Do you have any suggestions on how to handle it?Elaine
Trouble with Forgiving
In the past few weeks I've had two clients asking questions around forgiveness. Is it true that forgiveness is a choice? In my own experience I've found that the willingness to change my perception around a past hurtful experience is the choice. Forgiveness seems to flow naturally out of a changed perspective with no effort once my perception has changed.My changed perception allows me to see the lessons and oppoturnities within the hurtful experience. It also gives me the chance to look with an overview at the many layers of reality that occur within just one experience.At that point where my perception has changed to a "higher" or "soul" view, it also feels like there is nothing to forgive in the first place, although I don't necessarily choose to reconcile with the person who triggered the feelings of betrayal or anger, or whatever.But, before I can change my perspective, I must feel all the emotions that have been triggered by the situation and acknowlege what happened to me as I experienced it happening at the time. If I don't do that first, I don't have any chance of coming to peace around the situation. I've tried to skip this feeling step in the past and move straight to looking for life lessons, and it never works. I'm usually back to feeling angry or betrayed soon after.Everyone once in a while I'll try and force myself to forgive or at least act forgiving because I know it's the "right" thing to do. This just sets up a battle within myself and brings me further from peace and closure. Our society is a society that values forgiveness, and as such we might feel pressured into forgiving before we're ready. I've learned to give myself whatever space I need. I'm usually on the verge of discovering something very important about myself that's being drawn to my attention by the unforgiveness. In that sense, the unforgiveness is very helpful.I'd love to hear your thoughts around this.Elaine