Drama and Stepping into Timelessness

Hello Everyone!It is very strange to me that August is already here, and ironic since at the end of the month I am hosting a workshop all about stepping into Timelessness.  Time seems to have sped up for many of us with all our obligations and our busy lives.  Stepping into Timelessness isn't just useful for relieving ourselves from the busy-ness of life, it is also useful for stepping out of Drama.We Empaths can get stirred up with our own internal Drama after we've made a decision, especially if the decision is a firm No to someone who is stuck in Drama themselves.  I had the opportunity recently to work with a client who was prone to Drama, and then to see how stepping into Timelessness can stop the Drama right in Its tracks.My client had been in a years-long friendship with another Empath who happened to be stuck in Victim.  This person had managed to blow little innocent incidents into hurtful, unnecessary Dramas with various people in her life.  After one incident too many involving my client's spouse, my client and her spouse finally and firmly ended the relationship.  Of course, her friend found her unreasonable and unforgiving, and since this friend was stuck in Victim, considered my client a Bully and attacked her verbally.  All her own Shadow issues of jealousy and envy had been projected onto my client in one vicious last swoop.  My client already knew these issues were in play, but had hoped her friend had managed to get control of it and would take responsibility.  But this friend didn't.  It was easy to see that this friend was dangerously carrying around a metaphorical loaded shotgun, and was unconscious to the harm she did to others firing it off whenever her own stuff was triggered.  My client was relieved to let the friendship end, and she was also surprised by how free she felt afterwards.  (This is a typical feeling once we've given up a vampire relationship.)Predictably the former friend wanted to repair the relationship, and she contacted my client once or twice.  My client very wisely ignored her.  She simply wasn't interested anymore--her freedom, and the relief of friends around her was too valuable.  (She didn't realize how much discomfort this friend had been causing in other lives until they confided in her afterwards.)Naturally the Victim friend pulled in a Rescuer who was identified with Rescuing women who had put themselves in dire straights.  This Rescuer was doing his personal work so he could become an energyworker himself.  However, like many people who feel called to the healing arts, he had to work on his tendency to Rescue, and on his identification with being a Light Worker.  As many of you know from reading my blog and my books, shaman are not Light Workers.  Shaman can help assist others in owning the projections of their Shadows so that they can create lives that they want instead of what they create out of their Shadows. My client had the talent of being the social glue for people she loved, so excluding anyone from her life was very hard for her to do, which was of course why she allowed this former friendship to continue for so long in the first place.  The former friend was missing out on community events my client hosted on a regular basis.  The Rescuer saw this and wanted to help.  He contacted my client and told her that this relationship was in need of deep healing, and if she was willing to do the work, then this former friend could be included once again.  Luckily for my client she saw the Rescue right away and didn't turn into a Bully and lambast him for interfering where he didn't belong.  She simply told him that No, she wasn't interested, and in fact there were others that would be negatively affected too, and she didn't want to lose their company either, so No.  The Rescuer in this situation was very disappointed--he unconsciously thought to not only Rescue the former friend who held the Victim story, but to Rescue the friendship as well.  He thought that of course if you are doing your personal work, all relationships could be healed.  (This is a very common faulty belief.)For my client she found the incident amusing at first, because she knew this man was working hard on his Rescuer tendency, but she had also taken on the Rescuer's surprise and disappointment at her firm No.  (Remember, if you are stuck in Rescuer, it's hard to see others clearly--everyone is either a Victim or a Bully.)  In her head she started defending herself and her position, she started going over what exactly had happened in the past to cause her to break off the relationship with the Victim, she started getting annoyed and angry at the Rescuer for breaking boundaries and approaching her when he didn't even know her.  In short, she spun out into her own internal Drama--internal because she was wise enough not to act on it, but she was suffering anyway.  (If you are an Empath, you understand our tendency to slip into this type of suffering.)The solution for her was to do a sandpainting and let Mother Earth transform it, and then she stepped into Timelessness.  Sitting next to her sandpainting, a hummingbird came and hovered in front of her face for a few moments, reminding her to step outside of time, drink only from the deepest nectar of life, and remember that life is in these precious nows.  Then the Drama was done, and she could laugh at the situation again.  Every person has their Shadow to work on--she could go back to being compassionate to everyone involved, including herself, without having to get back into a literal relationship with anyone stuck in Drama.  What a relief!If you related to this story, and you would like to learn how to step into Timelessness, there is still time (haha!) to register for the Raven Portal Workshop taught by my mentor, Marv Harwood, and his wife, Shanon in Portland from Friday evening August 24th through Sunday the 26th.  Just contact me or visit the homepage of my website:  www.elainelajoie.commuch love,Elaine   

The Friends and Family Trap

Recently I had several people tell me that they couldn't possibly set limits on a relationship because the person causing trouble was a long time friend or was a family member.   Even though my clients and friends were mistreated and this mistreatment was nothing new, they all felt that they had to put up with this behavior in order to consider themselves kind, loving, and tolerant people.Tolerating bad behavior with the assertion that it is loving and kind is neither kind nor loving toward the self or to the other person.  The person who does this not only says, "Yes, treat me like dirt," but also says to the culprit, "Yes, your behavior is completely acceptable and you should keep it up.  This is how our relationship works."Is this really what friends and family do for each other?  Some family and some friends, apparently.  But this does not mean that it is healthy to tolerate such behavior.  Yes, everyone is flawed, yes, everyone has bad days, yes, everyone acts at their worst when under stress.  I am not talking about the flawed person who works on themselves to make their impact on others the best that it can be but blows it on occasion.  I am talking about people who have no interest in taking responsibility for themselves and the impact they have on others.These are the selfish people that we are told by colluding family and friends that we must accept for being where they are.  Sure, accept them, but Don't Hang Out With Them.  DON'T make them your intimate partner.  Don't think you have to be with them in order to be a loving, spiritual person.  That is the Rescuer Trap in full force!  Instead, set boundaries so that you are not so affected by their toxic behavior.  Instead go find people that can express that love and kindness to the degree that you can.  Find people who have grown as much as you have in self-love and self-worth.  Welcome into your tribe those that understand the difference between self-absorption and self-knowledge.The Rescuer Role assumes unconsciously that we are better than others.  The Rescuer assumes that the other person in the relationship is so flawed that he/she deserves special treatment and excuses.  The Rescuer unconsciously sees the other person as a Victim.   If we finally decide to leave a situation that is draining or toxic to us, the Guilt Tripping starts, and we are told (and we believe) we are bad people for taking care of ourselves.  We are selfish and unloving, and even unspiritual for being so cruel to the Victim!  The Rescuer Role and Drama is reinforced.Step off the Drama Triangle.  That means looking at the other person in the relationship and seeing them as capable of change as you are.  That means looking at them as having had made choices in life to get them where they are at.  That means looking at the standard that you hold for yourself and only choosing people with similar standards to be close to you.   The key here is the freedom to choose.  If you had free choice, is this what you would choose for yourself?  Choice limits us.  We human beings have limited time and energy.  If we choose people we don't like, who drain us, who annoy and anger us, then we don't have room for people who uplift us, make us smile, and inspire us.  Not only that, but in these toxic situations if we choose to not set healthy limits, we are also choosing to collude in keeping up the other person in an unhealthy state. 

How Does the Shaman View Chronic Health Issues?

Hello Everyone and Happy New Year!I had a question a few days ago regarding health and what my perspective as a shaman was.  Mary asked, "These days with our polluted industrialized unnatural ways of living, it seems that many new illnesses have come forth such as autism, MS, chemical sensitivities, gene mutations, cancer, etc.  Thus, these physical things are deemed causes of illness. Most alternative doctors are focused mostly on detoxing and strengthening the physical body. But what happens if people continue to be ill and dysfunctional despite doing all the right things? Some say that all (physical) illness starts "in the mind", and that ultimately, the way to heal is with healing the mind (emotions), and/or spiritual. How does the shaman see chronic physical health problems? Do you feel that we can separate the causes of illness? Emotional, spiritual, mental, physical, or is everything truly connected? We have all heard stories about people who did not even do anything different on the physical level, yet something in their body healed on it's own....(a miracle happened, which some say, if a shift in perception). What is your perspective?"This is a great question.  One thing that I think our western view of medicine has not caught up to yet is this idea of the mind-body connection, as if the mind was separate from the body and visaversa.  The way I see the body, there is no mind-body connection because there is no separation.  Our physical bodies are encased in our emotional/mental body, which is encased in our mythic/soul body, with in turn is encased in the energetic body, (and some healers can see several layers in that body as well.)  An injury at one level effects everything else.  The energetic body isn't just an outer shell--it goes through all the bodies, and the soul body goes through the mental/emotional body and physical body.  In other words while it might be helpful to think of these bodies as nested shells, they really aren't.If you have an injury at one level, it will at some point show through at the other levels.  If you have a cancer that starts at the energetic or the mythic level from soul loss, you may be able to surgically remove it at the physical level, but if it is not treated at the mythic level, it can recur.  If you come into your body with an injury from a previous lifetime or from a family imprint, it could be set up at the mental/emotional level as mental illness or a physical problem.  Their is no one-size fits all to these health issues.  Each person is different!  And of course, if you eat terrible food and breathe in polluted air, that is going to hurt your physical body and perhaps start hurting you at the mental/emotional as well.  If you endure a terrible tragedy on the emotional level, this can cause a deep imprint at the mythic level.  It simply all depends.Of course, we must take responsibility for our health and our healing, and yet we need to be realistic and gentle with ourselves as well.  I've had several clients come to me and tell me they've created their cancer or other chronic illness.  Our system is simply too complicated to assume that.  Yes, there are cases in which a person can shift at the mythic and energetic levels and their physical problem goes away completely.  That is wonderful, and that is real.  However, with many chronic health problems, telling ourselves we've done it to ourselves isn't always helpful.My take on health is to look at how I am doing at the physical, emotional/mental, mythic, and energetic levels, and treat myself well.  Am I eating right?  Am I getting the exercise my body likes?  Am I limiting my exposure to environmental toxins?  Am I hanging out with people that make me happy and inspired rather than irritate me and drain me?  Am I limiting my intake of bad collective news that I can do nothing about?  Am I able to be at the mythic/sacred level without anything in the way?  (If not then I go to my shaman for some work)  Am I up to date on keeping my living space clear energetically?  Am I unentangled in my relationships?  All of these will affect our health, and deserve attention.On top of this I am an Empath so I need to be extra careful about taking on the vibration of friends and family that I am very close to when I am worried about them or when they are ill.  Some of you have heard about how I developed gall stones when my father did, and how those miraculously disappeared after he had surgery.  Most Empaths tend to process emotional overwhelm on the physical level--we can help ourselves out by putting that extra emotional energy into a sandpainting.  We can create better boundaries with our loved ones by building altars around the relationship.  Empaths can also tune into the collective and make themselves chronically ill as well.  We have a few more challenges than non-Empaths to deal with!So, yes, health is complicated.  Mary, if you are suffering from chronic issues, and you are an Empath, you want to make sure that energetically you are fully "in" your physical body.  Many Empaths aren't.  For that you will need to go to a shaman or another energy healer that can help you get all the way in.  Sometimes this happens because of a hard birth experience.  When we aren't fully in our bodies, other vibrations can start taking up partial residence.  Those will need to be evicted so to speak.  Again, a shaman can help you with that.  I'm going to assume that you are taking care of your physical issues by seeing good doctors that you trust, and that you are taking good care of your emotional health by making sure your relationships are healthy and supportive.  If not, find those trusted health professionals and also a good therapist!  Eat the best food you can afford, treat yourself as kindly as possible.  Look at yourself from these different levels of reality and get the best medicine that you can afford.  I hope that makes a difference in your health and happiness!much love,Elaine  

Boundaries--the Guilt Set Up

Hi Everyone,

Lately I've been talking to other Empaths about how we are set up to tolerate behavior that is directly hurtful to us.  In these relationships the Empath usually feels taken advantage of and obligated to stay in a friendship that does nothing for the Empath but the other person in the relationship expects the Empath's support and time and connection.  How do we create such situations, and how can we extricate ourselves?

In my latest book, the Empath and Shadow Work, I give an example of such a situation.  The Empath gets projected upon as a nurturing mother figure such that the other person in the relationship expects the Empath to take care of his emotional needs, but cannot see that his expectations are unreasonable.  While the example in the book is extreme, I find that this scenario happens quite often in Empath friendships.  In this case the Empath saw her friend's Shadow very clearly, but the friend was triggered and trapped in his pattern that was predictably going to lead to a relationship failure.  He couldn't understand when the Empath refused to play her role in his Drama and walked away from a years long friendship.

If we are the one who is projected upon, we will feel obligated to play out our expected role.  If we don't understand the set up, we can feel tremendous guilt for wanting to leave the relationship and anger for feeling obligated to stick around in a draining situation.  We need to be careful to step away the Drama Triangle because it always leads to an unhappy outcome.  However, not playing will also likely lead to an uncomfortable outcome as well as the other person feels abandoned, neglected, and even betrayed, and will likely attack us for that.

Their inability to understand is NOT our problem!!!  Even if we explain to the other person that they need to go do their Shadow Work, they may not believe it or be willing to listen.   Empaths can still feel obligated to stick around for the blinded person even after we have explained our side.  Don't stick around out of obligation.  That person needs to go do their personal work by first asking himself how this person that he has so trusted could decide to distance himself from the relationship.  He can exercise his choice to become conscious or not, to do his work or not.  We do not need to tolerate hurtful or draining or abusive behavior from anyone, including old friends and even family.  We do not need to help someone indulge in their fantasy of how friendship should be.

While this assertion may seem harsh to many Empaths, it is essential to be able to exercise our right to be free of relationships that cause us harm, that are not reciprocal in deepness or understanding, and that irritate us much of the time.  People with good boundaries do not feel guilty for having good boundaries.  Remember that feeling guilty over leaving this kind of relationship is a set up that keeps us tied in to the other person energetically and leaves us open to psychic attacks.  We are not responsible for working on a relationship to the other person's satisfaction.  We get to decide what is good for us and what is too much for us.

If you see yourself as the one that has been inexplicably abandoned in the relationship, it is important to take the painful look at your own behavior, including if you have a pattern of relationship failures in which the other person walks away without enough of an explanation.  If the pattern is there, your Shadow is in play and you have Shadow Work to do.  The first step to healing is admitting that you have a blindspot and are creating a hurtful situation for yourself and the other person unintentionally.  Then the deep and uncomfortable work can begin.  If the work happens, there's a strong possibility that the original relationship can be salvaged as well.

Here's to being guilt free about setting good boundaries!

Elaine

Fan-Hero Family System Ebook Now Available

Hello Everyone!

I've just posted a new ebook on my website in the shop called The Empath and the Hero-Fan Family System.  I first published these essays in 2009.  These essays have been revised and expanded.  If you are an Empath and you've found yourself caught in confusing relationship patterns where everything seems normal, healthy and happy on the outside but on the inside you feel crazy, sick, tired, and confused, you may be dealing with unhealthy Heroes or unhealthy Fans.  These essays cover what this type of family system looks like, how Emotionally Dissociated Hero behavior is reinforced by Fans. 

Also included is a description of Secret Drama, a painful relationship dynamic between an Empath and a Hero  in which the Empath keeps secrets for the Hero but then the Hero makes the Empath into a scapegoat for the entire Family so the Family can keep its illusion of health and happiness.  Many people find my website because they have this painful relationship with a Hero.  I map out why this relationship unfolds the way it does and how the Empath can extract herself and then heal using shamanic work.

I hope you find this new ebook helpful!

much love,

Elaine

The Dangers of the Pedestal

Hi Everyone!

This week I've had two people ask me questions about relationship issues that all stemmed from a pattern of behavior that I like to call Putting Others on a Pedestal.  In one case one person was put on the pedestal and viciously knocked off, in the other case, a person who had an old pattern of putting women on a pedestal needed a little clarity around what was her part in the relationship blip, and what was her friend's part.  These questions, and another around how to end a relationship that's mired in Drama with as little drama as possible led me today to post an ebook for sale on in my shop called The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal. 

In this ebook I talk about how important doing our Shadow Work is so that we don't project our old wounds onto the people around us.  I also talk about the most common wound, the Mother Wound, and how that wound, when severe, can lead to this painful Pedestal Pattern in which we fall in love with a guru, partner, or best friend, then become terribly disillusioned and attack the person for failing us.  Once we heal our wounds and step into full maturity and power ironically we become easy targets for others to put US on pedestals.  I cover an example of how a non Empath can do this, and how confusing and crazy-making this behavior is for the unwitting Empath.  I hope this ebook will be helpful to you!  Here's a brief introduction:

As Empaths we can easily fall into the role of Rescuer because we tend to be good listeners, we tend to be supportive and accepting, and in general we hold a safe emotional space for others because we are so in touch with our emotional bodies.  We tend to be healers and confidantes for our friends and family without realizing that is the role we are cast in.   However, a warning sign that a relationship is headed for Drama is when one of us in the relationship is putting the other on a pedestal.

When this happens to me with a client, I am sure to point out to them their own power and magnificence.  I also ask if they realize that they are putting me on a pedestal.  With the clients who can see that, we have a basis of continuing to work together because they are conscious of their positive shadow projected onto me.  If they aren't able to see how they are projecting, I will usually refer these clients to colleagues with a strong background in counseling rather than coaching.   

The reason for this is that the projection of positive shadow (the person on the pedestal is soooo wonderful) can turn very quickly into a projection of negative shadow when the person is revealed to have limits.  Usually the fall from the pedestal is pretty spectacular.   If we have been buying into that positive projection the switch to the negative projection can be very painful and confusing. 

The clue for choosing a new client relationship became, how much was this client expecting from me?  How good were this client's boundaries?  How much did this client like me and express that feeling given our professional relationship?  Had this client done any work already to choose self-responsibilty over Victimhood at all times?  These are good questions for all Empaths working on their own boundaries to ask themselves before they enter into a relationship. 

 If a potential friend or client expresses lots of flattery, gives gifts, or tells me they want to be friends after our work together in the first session or two, this is a strong indication that this person has a severe Mother Wound and will need lots of counseling in addition to Soul Retrieval and Underworld Work.

Most of us do put others on a pedestal.  Really, it is the degree to which we do it that determines if it is normal or unhealthy.  Most clients I work with do love and appreciate the work that I do.  That is fine.  And it is fine to enjoy the positive projection, but I have learned to not take it personally.  Because, sure enough, the negative projection will soon follow, and that can't be taken personally, either.

However, for unhealthy people who have not taken full responsibility for themselves, moving into Bully position after they have knocked the person off the pedestal feels fully justified.  For the person that has just fallen off the pedestal, she is in for a stream of psychic attack at the least and violence at the worst.  It can be very scary and confusing to be in that position.  The only healthy way out of it is to ride out the storm at that point, take care of the self, but not engage any of the archetypal positions on the triangle.

In my new ebook, The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal I cover the basic pattern of Empaths putting others on a Pedestal.  I also describe what it is like for another Enneagram Archetype, the Black and White Thinker to put an Empath on a pedestal, and how dangerous that can be for the Empath.  I hope you will find this ebook helpful and useful in deciphering your own relationships.

much love,

Elaine

Family System Reinforcement Essays

Hello Everyone! I hope you enjoy the labor day weekend.  Here in Portland we're planning on enjoying a bbq on Sunday despite the rain in the forecast.  I just love autumn! This week I've published several new essays on my website around Family System Reinforcement.  These essays follow one Empath through a Family System and show her path in healing from the typical Empath wounds of rejection and abandonment so she can form her own happy marriage and family.  If you are an Empath, these essays are for you.  If you are an emotionally dissociated Hero these essays may also be helpful in seeing how the Archetypes of Empath and Hero interact.www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htmThe new essays are toward the bottom of the page under the heading, Family System Reinforcement.Enjoy, and have a wonderful holiday weekend!much love,Elaine

The Empath and Archetype

Hi Everyone,I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful summer!  In Portland we're starting another thankfully short heatwave after a few weeks of cool days in the 70's.  I had an interesting synchronistic experience last week that I wanted to share with you.  As most of you know, when synchronicity is in action, Spirit is in action--we've stepped out of linear time and into circular time.  It's a cool and magical experience.  I had this plus the veil between waking time and dream time lift briefly to give me a glimpse into my own healing process.  What magic, but whoa!As all of you know I've been working on a series of essays to collect into a book for the past two years based on the healing journey of most Empaths.  What I've concluded from working with clients and from my own personal healing work is that Archetypal forces shape our lives more than we might think.  Our lives feel very personal to us (especially if we have the Archetype of Empath) but in the larger picture, we are living out similar archetypal patterns.  So, my book and my Empath Telecall have been centered around these archetypal forces so we can understand what is happening to us and step out of archetypal forces, or at least use the best parts of the archetype for our benefit.For the past three calls I have been pulling lessons out of my own personal story to illustrate the collective force of the Family, and how that force can be so strong we may not break free of it to lead the lives that we might choose for ourselves.  I had been afraid that I might step too strongly into my own personal story when it came to describing the archetype of the Fan, because in my past people with the Fan archetype have irritated and disappointed me greatly.  (The Fan is the archetype that is most concerned about the group and maintaining the group or family, even at the expense of the individuals involved.)The night before I held my telecall I had a dream in which tornados were taking out the buildings of my college campus.  I had looked behind me, and two tornados were tearing a building apart.  As I turned my head to the right, three more tornados were taking out another building.  Now I was terrified and afraid that I was going to be caught in the twisters and killed.  I started to run.  But, when I looked ahead of me, two more tornados were destroying yet another building.  In that moment I understood that I was not going to survive this, and my fear went away.  It was OK to let myself die.I woke up feeling well rested, oddly enough, given the dream!  Usually I do not know until the last minute who will be on these telecalls.  As it turned out in this call all the participants had Fan mothers (including me.)  The lecture that I had prepared was pertinent personally to each of them, and it made such a difference as to how they were viewing their relationships with their Fan mothers.  In fact, the call helped me understand my own mother, and the Fans in my husband's family better as well.  Spirit brought the right participants, and my worries about becoming too personal were unfounded; after all, I was talking about the collective's archetypal patterns.The next day my husband and I were at the park with our toddler son.  We were talking about the insights I had come to from giving my telecall, and how we could let the anger and guilt we still had at leaving his family system die.  While we were happy that we had escaped the powerful group think so we could have the lives that we really wanted, there were still parts of us that cycled between guilt and anger at having done so.  Of course, the remaining guilt and the anger are residues of the strength of influence the family group think had over us.As we talked about this, on my right, just out of my arms reach, a dust devil stirred up.  It swirled into a mini twister about a dozen feet tall, threw up bark chips in my hair, my husband's hair, then moved past me to my son and threw chips into his hair, then it chased a toddler across the park before dissipating.  We started laughing at this, given my dream of two days before.  We were getting cleaned out to the very roots, and not only had I seen it in dream time, I had seen it in waking time, too.  Progress in our healing made, with comfirmation from Spirit!I love working with Spirit!  Healing work is usually a mixture of hard work and joy at the freedom coming our way when we really step in to the path of power.  But for me, those meetings of Spirit making the huge signs are the most rewarding.  I hope this story helps you step in and claim those places where you are still giving your personal power away instead of using it for your own creativity and joy.much love,Elaine 

Shamanic Work and Family System Reinforcement

Hello Everyone,I just recently returned from working with Marv and Shanon Harwood of Kimmapii Energies up in Alberta, Canada.  This was a great opportunity for me to revisit the South work of Shedding what no longer Serves, plus I had the chance to see Marv again.  While I am recovering from my experiences of the Spring, I highly recommend Marv if you need energywork done.  He certainly did some amazing work on me while I was there!  His website is http://www.kimmapii.com/Also, I just finished recording the Eighth Empath Telecall.  In this call we talked about how our Family System keeps us stuck in old patterns and behaviors that might not be in our best interest, and how painful it can be when we stop colluding with our family of origin.  The next call we'll talk more about how shamanic work can undo family belief systems that began generations ago that still keep us bound in the present.  In both calls I use my personal experiences and experiences with clients.  If you are interested in listening, go to http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathTeleclassPurchase.htm

Dealing with Attack Energy

 Hello everyone!I had a question arrive in my email box about dealing with the unspoken messages from someone else.  In this case, my client is receiving "attack" vibes.  What do we do when those are unspoken vibes and not acted upon by the other person?  This is an important question for Empaths because we tend to respond to the unspoken and the hidden rather than what is actually going on literally.  Here is her question:"I get a weird vibe from one of the girls at our annual gathering.  It's like she wants to attack me or I annoy her or it's like she jealous and I get this feeling of her wanting to put me in my place. Anytime I'm being funny or entertaining I can feel her energy.  At times like these it would be nice to be normal and just not notice it and go on with my life like the others around me!   I was super aware of her energy and not sure how to handle it.  My usual method would be to shrink back and shut down or to try to please her which feels awful and weak.  So as I was trying to figure out how to handle this these options came to mind.  Do I...a. understand that she is just injured somewhere in this area and is acting out of pain and needs healing and understanding.  Try to send her love, make her feel more comfortable and try to help her. (feel like I've been burned by this approach in the past) b. Put up the strongest boundaries I can muster and try my best to go on with my life ignoring her. (this doesn't really work for me) c. Think "oh this is interesting Sally is having these feelings hmm. I wonder what is going on with her?" and then let the energy go through me so to speak understanding that this is her stuff I DON'T have to own it and it doesn't have to have power over me.  Just let it be and bring the focus back on myself my body, what I'm seeing around me, what I'm feeling sensing etc.  (This seemed to work pretty good!)I do know the more I was afraid of her reaction the worse things seemed to get. The fear fueled it so to speak.  Honestly acknowledging to myself, however, what I was sensing from her and then not taking responsibility for it and not giving these feelings power over me seemed to work well."OK, to answer this question, it's helpful to look at it from the Drama Triangle perspective.  Option a. operates from the Role of Rescuer.  This person's anger and annoyance isn't really any of our business to fix.  As Empaths we tend to try to fix things to make ourselves feel better.  It can backfire, especially since the other person could easily fall into the Bully role if we step into the Rescuer role.  Sure, she may be wounded or whatever, but it is not our business.Option b. is somewhat doable and in other ways not doable.  As Empaths we cannot ignore this extra information, especially when it is attack being directed at us.  Trying to resist it in this way can be exhausting.  At the same time, it is important to realize that hanging out in this type of vibration is also exhausting, and that there will be a cost later.  This person is sending out psychic attack, and that does have an effect on our system. Option c is great!  It acknowledges what is going on.  The attack vibes are real.  It puts the responsibility on the attacker, and it also keeps us out of both the Victim and the Rescuer roles.  (and bully role, too!)  This identifying the problem, seeing who is responsible, and then moving out of the way of the vibration is the "aikido" of energetic protection.  At the same time, the vibration in the room is still not good for us, and we should understand that our limits with such a person are going to be lower than other non-Empaths.The description of coming back into the body and noticing what is literally going on is what is called moving into the perceptual state of the literal (serpent in shamanic terms)  Doing so shuts off momentarily the perceptions of the hidden (jaguar) from which most Empaths live.  But it is approaching the whole issue with non-personal awareness (the perceptual state of the soul) that allows us to be in such situations without having to engage them or get caught in someone elses drama.The last bit of observation--that the fear tends to exacerbate the psychic attack--is my client moving into the Victim mode, which invites more attack from the Bully, even though no conscious drama is going on!!!  This is the power of the drama triangle!  The best protection from these situations is to not get caught in the other person's Drama--don't pick up whatever role they want you to play.  And move out of the way.  Sometimes we DO need to move physically out of the way as well, but do so without a big story of Drama around it. With just an annual gathering of a few days, I bet my client can handle it and still enjoying the rest of the people there.  If this was a daily occurance, then something would need to change for my client's emotional health. Let me know if you have more questions!! much love,Elaine

May 2008 Newsletter

Hello Everyone!I've created a new newsletter on my website for May.  Included are topics around self-care and the challenge of healing work.http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/May2008Newsletter.htm  Enjoy!!Elaine

Drama and Empathy---being a victim

Hi Everyone, I'm in the process of writing a guide for empaths, and one of the topics that comes up again and again in my practice is how Empaths tend to get stuck in drama.  A drama can be created when we find ourselves acting or behaving as victims.  Being a victim is a position of powerlessness, which then makes it hard to create the life we really want.  We literally cannot manifest our dreams because the vibe we put out is all around helplessness.  Instead, what we attract to us is a Rescuer (who tries to fix us or solve our problems for us, keeping us powerless) or we attract a Perpetrator (who picks on us, and makes us feel even more victimized).  This can be a hugely vicious cycle.  The way to get out of it is to catch yourself if you are blaming someone or circumstances for your emotional or mental state, and then put yourself back into a position of power by claiming responsiblity for your emotions and thoughts.  For empaths this can be a challenge because we can identify so strongly with our emotions.  The emotions are not the problem, however, our perspective around the circumstance at hand is.  When we change the way we relate to the world, it automatically changes how it relates to us. 

Manifestation and the Power of the Spoken Word

Hi Everyone,Have you watched the DVD, the Secret, that is so popular right now?  Very fun, very inspiring, very simple.  Why can't we all manifest what we want?  Why are so many of us having so much trouble with this topic?  Well, one stumbling block I've noticed to creatives manifesting their dream is a misuse of their words.  When we are on the spiritual path, our karma starts coming back to us quickly.  So, if we've been in the bad habit of not using our words impeccably, we can create chaos in our lives as our external world immediately starts reflecting those creative words back at us.  It's a time to be vigilant in what we are saying!!!  If we are in the habit of commiting to events, to appointments, to others, and then we cancel at the last minute, the external world will offer us a nearly completed dream, and then at the last minute will "cancel" it on us.  This is a simple reflection---what we put out comes back to us.  When we commit to a spirit-based life, the law of karma acts quickly! If you are suffering from dreams that fall apart at the last minute, take a good look at your words and to if you hold yourself to your commitments or if you tend to cancel in the 11th hour.Elaine

Soul Retrieval Stories

Hi All,Some of you have requested more information on what it's like to have a Soul Retrieval with me, and what Soul Retrieval can help. I've just set up a new page on my website that contains links to client stories of soul retrieval and other energywork.Just go to:http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/SoulRetrievalStories.htmEnjoy!!

New Essay on Empathy

Hi Everyone,I've finished a new essay on the challenges of being an Empath called Emotional Advocacy. It's under the publications page of my website. In this essay I talk about my experience of being pulled into the position of being the defender of an emotionally dissociated person. I was under the pull of a particular group dynamic, which many empathic people can find themselves in. I hope you enjoy, and that it's useful!The direct link ishttp://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmotionalAdvocacy.htmElaine

Energetic Healing, Energetic Contracts

A client asked:Hi!I have never posted a message on a discussion board before...but being that I just went through an energetic healing session with Elaine (who really rocks!) I am making good on the "welcome home party for my long lost soul part" phase.ANYHOO!My question is about Energetic Contracts - as in what are they? How are they formed? Does a person/soul impose it on themselves, or is some other person/soul involved??? How is it that they bind other family members (soul family members?) and/or the same soul over different lifetimes? Why are they so difficult to break??? Are there ones that are good too, not just ones that really suck a lot of energetic butt?Looks like my question kinda multiplied like bunnies there...Must be SPRINGTIME!;O) Wendy