Elk Portal, April 3-5, 2020, Portland, Oregon!

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to 2020!  I hope you are enjoying a good start to the new year.  I'm so excited to announce that we have a time and location for our next Portal!  Come join us the weekend of April 3rd, in Portland, Oregon for a weekend in the world of Elk.

As many of you know, Marv has been my mentor since we met at the Four Winds almost 20 years ago.  I had the pleasure of meeting Shanon during my second experience through the medicine wheel about 10 years ago in Canada.  I'm delighted to bring them to Portland so they can share their unique knowledge of the Blackfoot Tradition taught to them by Joe and Josephine Crowshoe.  You can learn more about their story here.

For those of you who haven't attended a Portal workshop before, the Portals series offers a gateway to the worlds beyond our consciousness.  There are nine Portals within the series, they may be taken in any order, and they each stand alone.  If you've been interested in shamanic training but don't know if it is right for you, this is a great way to find out.  Within each Portal we learn what each emissary can offer us.  It is an experiential workshop, and so come prepared to create your own individual relationship that you take with you in your own life.

Elk shows us how to stand our ground.  Elk is immovable, self-assured, and powerful.  Elk shows us how to become our own person so we can claim our place in the world.  While the male make his place in the world, the female creates a nurturing community safe under his protection, creating the balance of polar opposites.  In essence, we will learn how to balance the power of both the masculine and feminine in our life.

Don't hesitate to contact me if you have questions about the Portal series.  For details on this Workshop, please click here.

Coyote Portal Fast Approaching!

Hello Everyone!

Just a quick note to say that the Coyote Portal Workshop is just a week away!  It's Friday  August 23rd in the evening, all day Saturday, and Sunday until 5pm.  We have just a few spots left--if you were interested and would like to come, please let me know.  Click here to view the flyer.

Coyote is the fun loving, mischievous trickster, who is also family oriented, and a shape shifter.   I am REALLY looking forward to knowing Coyote better and learning the tools to be able to step into Coyote consciousness at will.  And apparently this workshop feels like a weekend-long party.  Who wouldn't want that??

If you've had an interest in shamanism, but do not want to commit to a full wheel, or needed an introduction this is a nice way to go.  You will learn great skills without needing any prerequisites, and each workshop, although in a series, stands alone.  Please reach out if you have questions.  Click here to learn more.

Much love,

Elaine

Coyote Portal in August; Can an Empath Learn to not Take Life so Seriously?

Hello Everyone! 

I hope you are enjoying your summer!  Thank you to everyone who recently signed up for my email list after listening to the Integrated Empath Summit.  I appreciate your interest in my work!  I will be returning in a few days from summer break, and I'm looking forward to getting back to my practie.

I've been excited over the past year to host my shaman mentor, Marv Harwood, and his wife, Shanon for the Raven portal last year, the Buffalo Portal this past March, and now the Coyote Portal this coming August.  Raven taught us how to access Timelessness to heal our regrets and worries, Buffalo taught us how to stand strong in the face of opposition, and now Coyote teaches us how to not take life so seriously.

Shanon described the Coyote Portal as one long weekend party.  Given that my husband and I just celebrated our 50th birthdays, we thought that holding the Coyote Portal next would be appropriate to keep the celebrating going. 

Now that I've been to two Portals, you'd think that it would be easy to describe and advertise for these workshops, but they are so experiential that I am still finding it a challenge!  I know that saying, "Come, and find out for yourself," isn't very helpful, but it actually does apply, you will build your own personal relationship with the animal emissary. 

For many of us Empaths, we tend to take what happens to us very personally, and that in turn leads to us being serious and sometimes being melancholy.  Learning how to not take life so seriously becomes a life skill and a life line.  We Empaths can identify with being sad because we tend to focus on what is lacking in our lives.  On the one hand this is helpful because we know exactly what we want to fix and what we would like to create.  On the other hand, being in that emotional state much of the time can be hard on our systems, which in turn robs us of our vitality.

Imagine learning simple tools that involve both body movements and music that would allow you to shift out of that state and into a new state at will whenever you needed an extra boost.  This is what these Portals workshops offer--tangible tools that shift us immediately and experientially into the mythic and out of the emotional.  Imagine being able to shift into the sweetness of life, the fun of life, and maybe experience some mischievousness as well.  Coyote is ready and willing, as your ally, to offer you this skill.

The wonderful aspect about these Portals workshops is that there are no pre-requisities, they can be taken in any order, and they stand alone.  In contrast, many series need to be taken in order, and a medicine wheel needs to be completed or else we can get "stuck" in one direction.  The tools you learn in the Portals workshop are yours for life, to use and deepen as you wish.

If you have been interested in shamanic training, but are hesitant to commit to a program, this is an excellent way to see if this work is right for you.  If you are an experienced shaman and interested in learning from a new tradition, Marv and Shanon are two of the few who were given permission by the elders to teach in the Blackfoot Tradition.  They have been teaching and in practice for decades; you will be in good hands.

Here are a few words from Marv and Shanon:

Throughout the ages, Shaman have walked many paths - all leading to "Portals".
Portals are Shamanic gateways to worlds beyond our consciousness;
worlds where true healing exists and miracles happen.
Come walk the animistic and the energetic paths in tandem to amass the
knowledge and skills to create an Amopistaan - your personal animistic mesa.
This in-depth series of 9 seminars (portals) is an on-going program of theory & practical hands-on work.
The portals are designed to facilitate the successful assimilation of information and skills presented.
As the student gains and demonstrates proficiency they will be given rites of passage at each level.

Come and play with the fun-loving, mischievous trickster known as Coyote and get to know a surprising new
side of him. See what this adaptable, family oriented shape-shifter has to offer to you and your life!
The "Portals" Series is open to everyone. No pre-requisites are required for any of the individual seminars.
You may attend them in any order, at any of our teaching locations. Welcome to the journey!

Please do not hesitate to contact me for more information.  I am happy to chat on the phone to answer questions about the workshop. 

WORKSHOP DATES: August 23-25th, $399

Friday Registration 4:30-5pm, Friday Class 5pm-9pm

Saturday 9am-8pm

Sunday 9am-5pm

at the Multnomah Arts Center in Multnomah Village, Portland, Oregon.

My interview airs this Friday! And Portals Workshop August 23-25th

Hello Everyone!

I hope you are enjoying the end of the school year and the beginning of the summer holidays!  Just a reminder that my interview with Karyn Kulenovic airs this Friday through the weekend; if you haven't signed up yet please click here.  Karyn has interviewed 18 Empath experts, and you can listen for free, with a replay of all the interviews the last weekend of June.

In my interview I talk about animal archetypes and how we can build an individual relationship with these archetypes to help us in our daily lives.  I have hosted two of these workshops here in Portland, first for Raven, and recently in March for Buffalo. Our next animal archetype workshop is the weekend of August 23rd for Coyote.  Coyote teaches us how to not take life so seriously.  Supposedly this workshop feels like a big party all weekend.  I am so looking forward to it!  If you are interested, don't hesitate to contact me for more details.

much love,

Elaine

Empath Summit Season Three with Karyn Kulenovic starts June 8th!

Hello Everyone,

I'm so excited to be a part of the Empath Summit Season Three this year!  From June 8th through June 23rd you can listen to 18 Empath professionals who have used their sensitivity and gifts to build lives and businesses that they love For FREE!  My interview airs June 21st.  I talk about the workshop series with animal archetypes that I host here in Portland, and how each archetype gives us tools that can give us assistance in various aspects of our lives.   I hope you will join us!  Please click here to sign up.

Buffalo Portal Workshop March 22nd-24th!

Happy New Year! It's a bit shocking to be in the second week of 2019, but that means it's time for me to start organizing the next Portal Workshop taught by Marv and Shanon Harwood of Kimmapii School of Shamanism. If you've ever wondered if shamanic training was for you, I highly recommend these Portals classes as a way to immerse yourself in a thorough but gentle way in the realm of the Sacred or the Mythic. Last August Marv and Shanon introduced our group to the animal emissary, Raven, who teaches us how to access Timelessness.

The wonderful thing about working with Raven is that we can bring our regrets and our anxieties (stuck in the past, or stuck in the future) to Raven and deal with those there. I was pleasantly surprised to see how my regrets and worries shifted and changed, and even disappeared. We were also given tools and a practice to continue working with Raven as often as we needed.

Our next emissary is Buffalo, who teaches us how to overcome adversity. Buffalo shows us how to face life's storms, how to stick to our decisions despite opposition, and how to protect those in our circle unable to protect themselves. The Portal classes can be taken in any order. I would love to have you join us--this is a small class setting to keep the atmosphere comfortable. Please contact me if you'd like more details.

Here are the logistics below:

WORKSHOP DATES
March 22-24, 2019
$399
Friday Registration: 4-5 PM / Friday Class: 5-9 PM
Saturday: 9 AM – 8 PM
Sunday: 9 AM – 5 PM

REGISTRATION DEADLINE: February 28, 2019

TO REGISTER Send email to: coachelaine@clearreflectioncoaching.com
 
PRE-REQUISITE: None

LOCATION:
Multnomah Arts Center
Classroom #10
7688 SW Capitol Hwy
Portland, OR 97219

PORTAL #8 ~

Buffalo is the 8th portal on the outer Circle of Life -  and the gateway to the deep and most complex portal ~ The Centre. 

Buffalo not only teaches us to face the adverse situations of life, but also introduces us to some of the most ancient symbology known to man. Come and find out why Buffalo is the perfect emissary to show you how to both face adversity and to prepare for the greatest mystery of all -   your journey into the Centre.  


The world of Buffalo asks ~
    1.  How easily do you make and follow through on crucial
      decisions in the face of opposition or difficulty? 

  2.  Do you make it a practice to protect those in your community, 
       who, for whatever reason, cannot protect or defend themselves?

  3.  How well do you face the storms of life head on?
  4.  Do you have what it takes to move into the Centre?


ABOUT KIMMAPII
Marv & Shanon Harwood have been immersed in Shamanic Studies for more than 25 years. Today they share their combined knowledge through three streams of Shamanism: The Animistic, The Energetic and The Destinistic.


FOR MORE INFO
www.kimmapii.com

Possible Portal Workshop, November

Hi Everyone,I've been meaning to write about the wonderful Raven workshop Marv and Shanon Harwood of the Kimmapii School of Shamanism taught this past August here in Portland.  We were taught how to access the Raven Portal  so we could experience Timelessness.  Soaring with Raven allowed us to deal with our regrets and worries in a very effective way.  What a magical experience!There are nine Portal workshops in total that can be taken in any order, and require no prerequisites.  I had such a lovely time, that I asked Marv and Shanon if they had any availability to teach another Portal this Fall.  They are free the weekend of November 9th.  I have found a venue, and would like to move forward.  The next Portal will either be Buffalo (dealing with Obstacles) or Bear (dealing with Fear)If you are interested, please contact me as soon as possible, and perhaps we shall go through the next Portal together.much love,Elaine

Elaine's Privacy Policy, and the 2nd Empath Summit Masterclass Begins Today!

Hello Everyone,Just a reminder that The Integrated Empath Summit hosted by Karyn Kulenovic starts today, June 1st!  Each interview will be live for 72 hours, so even if you didn't have a chance to listen today, there is still time over the weekend.  My interview goes live on Saturday the 9th.  Karyn interviewed me about Shamanic Energy Work and how it can change the lives of Empaths, especially around trauma.  I hope you will tune in, especially if you have had questions about Shamanic Work and whether it would be a good fit for you.  The Summit runs through June 18th, and it is FREE!  My interview airs on Saturday the 9th.  To sign up please click HERE. (This is a referral link, which means that if you click on it and then purchase the whole series to keep forever, I will earn a small commission, which I greatly appreciate.)As many of you know, the EU has passed a law that recently went into effect requiring those of us that have EU subscribers and clients to post a privacy policy describing what is done with your personal data.  You can view my policy by clicking here.  At any time you may also unsubscribe from my list by clicking the unsubscribe link in the emails I send you, or by emailing me directly.Thanks so much everyone, and I hope you enjoy the Empath Summit,much love,Elaine

Shamanic Workshop, August, with Marv and Shanon Harwood of Kimmapii

Hello Everyone,I'm very excited to announce that my mentor, Marv Harwood, and his wife Shanon, have agreed to come to Portland to teach a shamanic workshop.  This is the first of nine Portals workshops, and is a great introduction for those of you who are interested in shamanic work and personal transformation and would like a good place to start.  For those of you who already carry a mesa but would like to learn about another tradition, this is a special opportunity, especially if you are near Portland, Oregon!  Here is a link to the flyer, Raven - Oregon, including more information, and a brief description is below...  The class is limited to 20 students.  I look forward to meeting you in person in August! Here is a description of the workshop from Marv and Shanon:

Throughout the ages, Shaman have walked many paths - all leading to "Portals".Portals are Shamanic gateways to worlds beyond our consciousness;worlds where true healing exists and miracles happen.Come walk the animistic and the energetic paths in tandem to amass theknowledge and skills to create an Amopistaan - your personal animistic mesa.This in-depth series of 9 seminars (portals) is an on-going program of theory & practical hands-on work.The portals are designed to facilitate the successful assimilation of information and skills presented.As the student gains and demonstrates proficiency they will be given rites of passage at each level.Intelligent, articulate, teacher, bridge to the other side - these are all terms thatdescribe the mystery and the majesty of Raven.Come meet Raven and let his black wings and bright eyes carry you from this worldinto the world of timelessness where he'll coach and guide you to find that stillness within.The "Portals" Series is open to everyone. No pre-requisites are required for any of the individual seminars.You may attend them in any order, at any of our teaching locations. Welcome to the journey!

WORKSHOP DATESAugust 24 - 26, 2018$399Friday Registration: 4-5 PM / Friday Class: 5-9 PMSaturday: 9 AM - 8 PMSunday: 9 AM - 5 PM

REGISTRATION DEADLINE: August 10th, 2018TO REGISTER

Send email to: coachelaine at clearreflectioncoaching.com PRE-REQUISITENone

LOCATIONMultnomah Arts CenterClassroom #107688 SW Capitol HwyPortland, OR 97219

Elaine's News: Interview airs on the 3rd, new email list

Hello Everyone,I just wanted to let my readers know that I've just moved over from Feedburner to a new email software called MailPoet.  Please bear with me as I work out the kinks.It's been a big year.  Some of you may know that I took a break from shamanic work to concentrate on writing another book.  However, my life took an unexpected turn with a move, and with withdrawing my child from school to do independent study this past year.  It's been a challenging yet fun year seeing my son thrive in an out-of-the-box environment, but it's left me very little time to write or to take clients.  I hope to be back in the writing routine soon.In the midst of adjusting to this new lifestyle, I had an opportunity to talk to another Empath about my work that I had put on hold.  Karyn Kulenovic asked if I was willing to be interviewed as an expert for her Integrated Empath Summit.  She had read my books and wanted me to speak about the Empath and relationships, especially around the Drama Triangle, the Rescuer Role and how Empaths can attract narcissists.   The experience reminded me of why I went into coaching and then later became a shaman.  Helping others learn how to empower themselves is so satisfying.  In speaking with Karyn, I realized that I had forgotten how much I knew about the subject, and how satisfying it is to do this work.  I had so much fun in this interview!Karyn has interviewed 22 Empath experts.  You can listen to all 22 interviews for free.  Two interviews per day will air beginning June 1st.  Mine airs on June 3rd.  You also have the option to purchase all the interviews at the end of the summit.  If you are interested, you can register here. In talking to Karyn I realized that I had great case studies  for a book on the Empath and romantic relationships.  I'm really looking forward to sharing these with you.  Thank you for your support!Elaine 

Working Those Imprints! Manifesting What We Want rather than Our Fate

I had several questions from clients this week on why working an imprint is so hard.  An imprint is a belief system that has become so ingrained that it manifests outcomes for us unconsciously rather than consciously.  People come to me to unravel imprints because the outcomes are painful and unwanted.  However, it is possible to unconsciously manifest great outcomes.  The key to remember is that all imprints come with a belief system attached.  If we have faulty beliefs, we will wind up with unhappy outcomes.

When we have an unhappy pattern in our lives, an imprint with its faulty beliefs is at work.  This imprint can come from cultural beliefs, archetypal beliefs, family beliefs and personal beliefs.  Personal beliefs are the easiest to change, and many times we can change our personal beliefs without outside help.  Clients come to me for underworld work usually because of hidden cultural, archetypal, and family beliefs.  These hidden group beliefs tend to run our creations without our ever knowing we have these beliefs.  The shaman can go into the subconscious mind (the underworld) on behalf of the client and begin dismantling the imprint and its corresponding belief system.

However, even with shamanic intervention, it is up to the client to make sure that his words and actions reinforce his new belief system.  If that does not take place, we will still manifest unhappy outcomes because of old habit.  It is this conscious work that so many people slip up on.  Too many clients expect the shamanic work to magically take away unwanted outcomes.  However, the client creates her life, so it is always the client who has to make sure that the change on the energetic and mythic planes comes down to the mental, emotional, and physical planes as well.

Our relationships with our family will change, as well as how we belong within our culture.   Most of the time other people in the group are enslaved by the same imprint and so do not appreciate our new behavior.  They want us back in our role and they will feel betrayed and confused that we are no longer playing.  As you can see, this is deep, hard work.  Change on this level is difficult and challenging.  Too many of my clients expect easy, graceful, magical change without these repercussions.  While that can happen in some instances, working at this level take tremendous courage and practice.  I say this not to be discouraging but to encourage my clients who are in the thick of dismantling sticky family and cultural imprints not to give up, to keep plugging through.  It is worth the effort to create a great foundation of supportive imprints and beliefs.  Then life does become easier and more magical.

We begin throwing off our predetermined fate and more options and outcomes become probable for us.  This is the heart of personal work.  I hope this helps to answer why this work can feel so hard and confusing. 

much love,

Elaine

The Empath and Self Sabotage

The past couple of weeks I have been working on an ebook just for the Empath and what it is like for the Empath to go on a conscious healing journey.  Most of you are subscribed to my blog because you are that Empath, or you love that Empath. One trouble spot the Empath commonly encounters is self-sabotage. We have a hidden belief that we should not succeed—that our success causes others suffering, or that we will be punished if we succeed. At the same time, we have so many projects and dreams that we desperately long to pursue and manifest. We can become stuck in a double bind of longing to pursue our creative endeavors but being sure that we will fail somehow.

Where does this belief come from? As I discussed in my ebook, Empath as Archetype, many Empaths were raised by Fans (Type Six on the Enneagram.) If we were raised by an unhealthy Fan, we had to make sense of crazy-making behavior, which in turn heightened our senses, helping us to become Empathic and intuitive. However, because unhealthy Fans are motivated to distract themselves from their fears, Fans tend to act in ways that do not make sense. Fans, in an attempt to avoid consciously knowing their fear and anxiety, come up with rationalizations for their crazy-making behavior that feels off to the Empath. As a consequence, the Empath tries to make sense of the situation and creates a faulty belief.

I have been working with a client who was raised by a Fan who suffered from OCD. Her mother had to be in control so that she wouldn’t come into contact with overwhelming fear and anxiety. Whenever my client during childhood wanted to do something that her mother did not want her to do because it would make her feel anxious, her mother made sure that my client would fail in the attempt. Then her mother would blame my client for the failure, with the unconscious motivation to ensure that her daughter would not trigger her anxiety again.

As an example, when my client was twelve years old she, like many kids, wanted to make a batch of cookies all by herself. Her mother hated to have any one in the kitchen but herself. Having anyone else there making a mess, opening the refrigerator, dirtying the oven, caused her terrible anxiety. However, her mother, who knew full well that it was normal for a twelve year old to want to bake in the kitchen, could not give her daughter a real reason for saying no. (Of course, her mother could have said, “No, honey, your baking in the kitchen makes me too anxious. I know that is unreasonable, I’ll get some help as soon as I can with my fears,” but most unhealthy Fans cannot admit to being fearful. So, my client was allowed to make cookies. But in the background her mother made sure to sabotage her daughter’s cookies so the batch turned out so badly that she would never want to make another attempt.

The belief my client took away from this was, “I should have never wanted to bake cookies. I should have never had insisted. It’s because I wanted to do this so badly that it came out badly. This is my fault. Because I wanted this and made it happen, it came out all wrong.” Now, did her mother intend for her to pick up this belief system? Of course not. She just didn’t want her daughter in her kitchen. But, like most Fans, she couldn’t directly tell my client so.

Because her mother couldn’t be direct, her daughter made up a faulty belief to make sense of the situation. There is nothing unusual about kids wanting to make cookies. But her mother sabotaged her daughter’s cookie dough because her own need to ameliorate her anxiety motivated her more than her need to support and encourage her daughter’s independence. My client took away from that experience that not only was she a bad cook, but that she shouldn’t do what she longed to do. What my client should have taken away from it was that her mother was anxious and angry about letting her make the cookies. My client did not notice the sabotage—what child can fathom that their parent is setting them up for failure?

This is the terrible curse of having an unhealed wound—we have to attend to our wound and the twisted need that it creates in us at the expense of other people, even our children. This is why we must work hard and attend these unhealed patterns in ourselves so we don’t continue to hurt ourselves and others. But here is what my client took away from this interaction, which was reinforced by many interactions over childhood. She internalized the saboteur.

It is very common, in fact, it is the goal of parenting, for our children to internalize parts of us, so that those parts keep our children civilized and also inspire them to pursue their gifts. However, so many of us internalize not just the gifts, but the wounds. My client who wants to write novels, paint watercolor, learn how to hike through the backcountry, has this awful sabotuer always at the ready to smash whatever dream she longs for. If she gets on a roll, then she can be sure that she will create something to trip herself up. She no longer needs her mother to do it—she learned the lesson so well that she does it to herself. The more her Heart thinks it is fun, thinks it is expansive, thinks it's a little risky, the harder the sabotage, the more she drags her feet, the more she blames herself for wanting to make that break out of what is really her mother’s rut into her own expansion.

It is to my client’s credit that she broke out anyway. During her teenagehood she had to be angry, demanding, and forceful to have the energy to overcome her mother’s fear and objections. It would be easy to continue to be angry at her mother, to blame her mother for her emotionally crippled state. However, it is important to realize that Fans become Fans because they feel so unsafe in the world. Her mother had good reason to feel unsafe—she was brought up in a family that didn’t have enough after war time, her natural mother died early, and she was raised in a family with several other children. Her mother, being a human being, was bound to come out wounded from those experiences.

This is simply an example of my client’s mother’s wounds passing to my client and setting up her own self-sabotage pattern. For my client to heal from this wound, it’s good to have the consciousness around where it came from, but more importantly it’s good to dismantle the belief system, get the soul retrieval done to bring back that part of her that wants to embrace life and have some crazy, out of the way, kind of fun; the soul retrieval returns the unwounded soul part that has never been sabotaged by her mother.

If you have a strong saboteur within you, and you are an Empath, take a look and see if your mother sounds like my client’s mother. The sabotage may not be as extreme as in this case, it may be more subtle and harder to pin point. Chances are that if you have a Fan as a mother, then you have a very strong saboteur. Realize that that voice inside of you comes from a weak and scared person who is not you! Realize that life doesn’t have to be boxed in like it has been—you can change this belief system and emerge ready to pursue your dreams.

Motivations of the Empath Ebook now Available

Hello Everyone!

I am very excited to announce that FINALLY my ebook on the Motivations of the Empath is now available.  I have been working on this collection of essays off and on for the past several years.  It's time to put it out there!  This is the ebook you want to read if you are an Empath and you want to understand what drives you and why.  In it I cover what our gifts and our binds are from an archetypal perspective.  I talk about how we can unravel our binds and move more fully into our creativity.  I also discuss how our family, especially our mothers, influenced us in unconscious ways that caused us to become more intuitive and highly aware than most other children, leading us to take on the Classic Empath Archetype.

Also included are descriptions of other Empath Archetypes, such as the Sensitive Scientist, the Empathic Hero, and the Giving Persona.  I cover why Empaths feel self-conscious, how to move past that into our creativity, how to be better communicators, how to give up fantasy and romance so we can have better relationships with our loved ones, how to deal with our need to fix and our tendency to be self-critical and more.

This ebook assumes an understanding of the drama triangle and basic shamanic concepts discussed in the earlier ebooks on those topics.  I'm looking forward to hearing your comments and I hope you enjoy!  Please click here to visit my shop.

much love,

Elaine

Fan-Hero Family System Ebook Now Available

Hello Everyone!

I've just posted a new ebook on my website in the shop called The Empath and the Hero-Fan Family System.  I first published these essays in 2009.  These essays have been revised and expanded.  If you are an Empath and you've found yourself caught in confusing relationship patterns where everything seems normal, healthy and happy on the outside but on the inside you feel crazy, sick, tired, and confused, you may be dealing with unhealthy Heroes or unhealthy Fans.  These essays cover what this type of family system looks like, how Emotionally Dissociated Hero behavior is reinforced by Fans. 

Also included is a description of Secret Drama, a painful relationship dynamic between an Empath and a Hero  in which the Empath keeps secrets for the Hero but then the Hero makes the Empath into a scapegoat for the entire Family so the Family can keep its illusion of health and happiness.  Many people find my website because they have this painful relationship with a Hero.  I map out why this relationship unfolds the way it does and how the Empath can extract herself and then heal using shamanic work.

I hope you find this new ebook helpful!

much love,

Elaine

The Dangers of the Pedestal

Hi Everyone!

This week I've had two people ask me questions about relationship issues that all stemmed from a pattern of behavior that I like to call Putting Others on a Pedestal.  In one case one person was put on the pedestal and viciously knocked off, in the other case, a person who had an old pattern of putting women on a pedestal needed a little clarity around what was her part in the relationship blip, and what was her friend's part.  These questions, and another around how to end a relationship that's mired in Drama with as little drama as possible led me today to post an ebook for sale on in my shop called The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal. 

In this ebook I talk about how important doing our Shadow Work is so that we don't project our old wounds onto the people around us.  I also talk about the most common wound, the Mother Wound, and how that wound, when severe, can lead to this painful Pedestal Pattern in which we fall in love with a guru, partner, or best friend, then become terribly disillusioned and attack the person for failing us.  Once we heal our wounds and step into full maturity and power ironically we become easy targets for others to put US on pedestals.  I cover an example of how a non Empath can do this, and how confusing and crazy-making this behavior is for the unwitting Empath.  I hope this ebook will be helpful to you!  Here's a brief introduction:

As Empaths we can easily fall into the role of Rescuer because we tend to be good listeners, we tend to be supportive and accepting, and in general we hold a safe emotional space for others because we are so in touch with our emotional bodies.  We tend to be healers and confidantes for our friends and family without realizing that is the role we are cast in.   However, a warning sign that a relationship is headed for Drama is when one of us in the relationship is putting the other on a pedestal.

When this happens to me with a client, I am sure to point out to them their own power and magnificence.  I also ask if they realize that they are putting me on a pedestal.  With the clients who can see that, we have a basis of continuing to work together because they are conscious of their positive shadow projected onto me.  If they aren't able to see how they are projecting, I will usually refer these clients to colleagues with a strong background in counseling rather than coaching.   

The reason for this is that the projection of positive shadow (the person on the pedestal is soooo wonderful) can turn very quickly into a projection of negative shadow when the person is revealed to have limits.  Usually the fall from the pedestal is pretty spectacular.   If we have been buying into that positive projection the switch to the negative projection can be very painful and confusing. 

The clue for choosing a new client relationship became, how much was this client expecting from me?  How good were this client's boundaries?  How much did this client like me and express that feeling given our professional relationship?  Had this client done any work already to choose self-responsibilty over Victimhood at all times?  These are good questions for all Empaths working on their own boundaries to ask themselves before they enter into a relationship. 

 If a potential friend or client expresses lots of flattery, gives gifts, or tells me they want to be friends after our work together in the first session or two, this is a strong indication that this person has a severe Mother Wound and will need lots of counseling in addition to Soul Retrieval and Underworld Work.

Most of us do put others on a pedestal.  Really, it is the degree to which we do it that determines if it is normal or unhealthy.  Most clients I work with do love and appreciate the work that I do.  That is fine.  And it is fine to enjoy the positive projection, but I have learned to not take it personally.  Because, sure enough, the negative projection will soon follow, and that can't be taken personally, either.

However, for unhealthy people who have not taken full responsibility for themselves, moving into Bully position after they have knocked the person off the pedestal feels fully justified.  For the person that has just fallen off the pedestal, she is in for a stream of psychic attack at the least and violence at the worst.  It can be very scary and confusing to be in that position.  The only healthy way out of it is to ride out the storm at that point, take care of the self, but not engage any of the archetypal positions on the triangle.

In my new ebook, The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal I cover the basic pattern of Empaths putting others on a Pedestal.  I also describe what it is like for another Enneagram Archetype, the Black and White Thinker to put an Empath on a pedestal, and how dangerous that can be for the Empath.  I hope you will find this ebook helpful and useful in deciphering your own relationships.

much love,

Elaine

I'm Returning to Client Work

Hello Everyone!I hope summer fun is making its way towards you.  I've had a very interesting six months reshaping my practice and diving into my personal work.  I've just completed my second trip around the medicine wheel, and it's so nice to feel clear and feel ready to move forward once again.  As you know, I stopped taking clients last year.  I'm once again ready to take just a few clients through word of mouth referrals.  If you have worked with me in the past, and would like a session, I'm ready to hear from you.I'm also cruising along with my book on Relationships for the Empath.  This book combines shamanic personal work, Archetypes, and personal and client stories into a guide for Empaths so we can understand where we tend to trip up in our relationships.  I'm very excited about how this book is coming together.  Right now the plan is to publish as soon as possible on Amazon, with a CD set to go along with it for those Empaths that love listening more than reading.During this time off I've rediscovered how much I enjoy the work.  Part of my new practice is mentoring beginning shaman practitioners in client work, and spending more time documenting what I learn as I go.  I'm really looking forward to diving in once again.  In honoring the shift I've experienced, the website will soon have a different look, as well as this blog.  I hope you will enjoy it.much love,Elaine

The Power of Story and Projection

Hi Everyone, Fall has finally arrived here in Portland bringing with it an end to 80 degree days and sunshine.  I so love this change in season!  In the past several weeks I've noticed two topics come up with my clients repeatedly--identification with a Story, and Projection of the conclusions of that Story out onto others.  So, I thought I would discuss this more in the Empath Telecall; the next one is this Friday at noon pacific time.  These two topics of so important because we create our lives through our Stories and our Beliefs, and we have so much external reinforcement of our Stories and Beliefs that they begin to feel like facts rather than something that we have control over and can personally change.From the shaman's perspective, once we get to know our Story, we can change it and use a different, more empowering story, which manifests our lives in a better way for us.  Some of these disempowering stories become so embedded in our system that we need help digging out those stories and their beliefs.  But once we understand our stories and our patterned way of thinking about ourselves, we gain more control of our lives.  Empaths in general have a typical group of stories that we like to tell ourselves.  We tend to have great imaginations and live in fantasy and romatic story, we tend to need rescuing (which leads to problems with personal responsibility), or we tend to waste time rescuing others (the flip side of the Drama Triangle), we tend to be perfectionists which leads us to be painfully self-conscious, and we tend to have tragic stories that lead us to concentrate on the past sorrowfully instead of move forward into our creativity.  As we become healthy, we can change these stories around and gain strength and wisdom from them instead.Most of us have experienced traumas or unhappy experiences in our past that stuck with us for so long, that they repeat themselves in our current life.  We tend to interpret our current experience through these past experiences, and draw similar conclusions.  In psychology, this is called projection.  From the shaman perspective, however, projection is also a energetic and vibrational experience as well, meaning that we will in the literal plane draw to us the players that we need to play out the roles in our particular story and make it very easy to project.  If we have a pattern that plays out repeatedly, the shaman can help dismantle it, and teach the client how to recognize the pattern and the typical projection that comes with it.  This is hard hard personal work because when each of us project unconsciously, it seems like the world is the way it is, rather than it originating from us--it is a blind spot for us, although it might be quite obvious what the blindspot is for others looking in!  But from the shaman perspective, each of us is the source of our reality, and each of us is responsible for everything that we create. This is both frightening and empowering, because it means that by changing our internal world, we can change our literal external world for the better.  All we need to do is start with ourselves and our own innerworld.  This is good news for the Empath who loves looking at the innerworld, but it is also a challenge.  Some of our most powerful patterns come from our family system.  We take on our role in the family and the belief system, and if we do not become conscious, that belief system can so run our lives that we do not have much choice in how our lives unfold.  However, breaking out of a family belief system can be incredibly painful and confusing, depending on how unhealthy the belief system was for us, and how ingrained our family members will still be in holding it together.  The pull from these types of patterns can literally feel like they have a life force all their own.If you'd like to learn more, or share your personal experiences with these topics, please feel free to join me on Friday, or write to me here on my blog.  Here's to doing the personal work in order to live a happy and free life!much love,Elaine

Family System Reinforcement Essays

Hello Everyone! I hope you enjoy the labor day weekend.  Here in Portland we're planning on enjoying a bbq on Sunday despite the rain in the forecast.  I just love autumn! This week I've published several new essays on my website around Family System Reinforcement.  These essays follow one Empath through a Family System and show her path in healing from the typical Empath wounds of rejection and abandonment so she can form her own happy marriage and family.  If you are an Empath, these essays are for you.  If you are an emotionally dissociated Hero these essays may also be helpful in seeing how the Archetypes of Empath and Hero interact.www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htmThe new essays are toward the bottom of the page under the heading, Family System Reinforcement.Enjoy, and have a wonderful holiday weekend!much love,Elaine

The Empath and Archetype

Hi Everyone,I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful summer!  In Portland we're starting another thankfully short heatwave after a few weeks of cool days in the 70's.  I had an interesting synchronistic experience last week that I wanted to share with you.  As most of you know, when synchronicity is in action, Spirit is in action--we've stepped out of linear time and into circular time.  It's a cool and magical experience.  I had this plus the veil between waking time and dream time lift briefly to give me a glimpse into my own healing process.  What magic, but whoa!As all of you know I've been working on a series of essays to collect into a book for the past two years based on the healing journey of most Empaths.  What I've concluded from working with clients and from my own personal healing work is that Archetypal forces shape our lives more than we might think.  Our lives feel very personal to us (especially if we have the Archetype of Empath) but in the larger picture, we are living out similar archetypal patterns.  So, my book and my Empath Telecall have been centered around these archetypal forces so we can understand what is happening to us and step out of archetypal forces, or at least use the best parts of the archetype for our benefit.For the past three calls I have been pulling lessons out of my own personal story to illustrate the collective force of the Family, and how that force can be so strong we may not break free of it to lead the lives that we might choose for ourselves.  I had been afraid that I might step too strongly into my own personal story when it came to describing the archetype of the Fan, because in my past people with the Fan archetype have irritated and disappointed me greatly.  (The Fan is the archetype that is most concerned about the group and maintaining the group or family, even at the expense of the individuals involved.)The night before I held my telecall I had a dream in which tornados were taking out the buildings of my college campus.  I had looked behind me, and two tornados were tearing a building apart.  As I turned my head to the right, three more tornados were taking out another building.  Now I was terrified and afraid that I was going to be caught in the twisters and killed.  I started to run.  But, when I looked ahead of me, two more tornados were destroying yet another building.  In that moment I understood that I was not going to survive this, and my fear went away.  It was OK to let myself die.I woke up feeling well rested, oddly enough, given the dream!  Usually I do not know until the last minute who will be on these telecalls.  As it turned out in this call all the participants had Fan mothers (including me.)  The lecture that I had prepared was pertinent personally to each of them, and it made such a difference as to how they were viewing their relationships with their Fan mothers.  In fact, the call helped me understand my own mother, and the Fans in my husband's family better as well.  Spirit brought the right participants, and my worries about becoming too personal were unfounded; after all, I was talking about the collective's archetypal patterns.The next day my husband and I were at the park with our toddler son.  We were talking about the insights I had come to from giving my telecall, and how we could let the anger and guilt we still had at leaving his family system die.  While we were happy that we had escaped the powerful group think so we could have the lives that we really wanted, there were still parts of us that cycled between guilt and anger at having done so.  Of course, the remaining guilt and the anger are residues of the strength of influence the family group think had over us.As we talked about this, on my right, just out of my arms reach, a dust devil stirred up.  It swirled into a mini twister about a dozen feet tall, threw up bark chips in my hair, my husband's hair, then moved past me to my son and threw chips into his hair, then it chased a toddler across the park before dissipating.  We started laughing at this, given my dream of two days before.  We were getting cleaned out to the very roots, and not only had I seen it in dream time, I had seen it in waking time, too.  Progress in our healing made, with comfirmation from Spirit!I love working with Spirit!  Healing work is usually a mixture of hard work and joy at the freedom coming our way when we really step in to the path of power.  But for me, those meetings of Spirit making the huge signs are the most rewarding.  I hope this story helps you step in and claim those places where you are still giving your personal power away instead of using it for your own creativity and joy.much love,Elaine 

Shamanic Work and Family System Reinforcement

Hello Everyone,I just recently returned from working with Marv and Shanon Harwood of Kimmapii Energies up in Alberta, Canada.  This was a great opportunity for me to revisit the South work of Shedding what no longer Serves, plus I had the chance to see Marv again.  While I am recovering from my experiences of the Spring, I highly recommend Marv if you need energywork done.  He certainly did some amazing work on me while I was there!  His website is http://www.kimmapii.com/Also, I just finished recording the Eighth Empath Telecall.  In this call we talked about how our Family System keeps us stuck in old patterns and behaviors that might not be in our best interest, and how painful it can be when we stop colluding with our family of origin.  The next call we'll talk more about how shamanic work can undo family belief systems that began generations ago that still keep us bound in the present.  In both calls I use my personal experiences and experiences with clients.  If you are interested in listening, go to http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathTeleclassPurchase.htm