Making Fear Your Ally?

Hello Everyone,We are just coming out of our late winter storm here in Oregon with so many people still out of power.  My heart goes out to everyone suffering around the country from this crazy ice and snow.  Given the pandemic, and then natural weather events, I'm sure many of us are wondering if 2021 is going to turn more interesting than 2020.One thing that is permeating the Collective and many of my clients right now is a sense of Fear.  In shamanic practice the shaman knows she cannot get away from Fear--it's part of the mammalian experience, wired directly into us.  So, how do we deal successfully with Fear?  It's not going to go away completely, so we want to use it as our Ally, as a signal that we are in danger, and then act on that signal to bring ourselves back to safety.The problem for many of us right now is that we are in a constant state of fear, and our bodies are wearing down from the stress, and we cannot think logically when we are that fearful all the time.  Fear has turned from being an ally telling us when danger is present, to being turned on all the time.  What do we do?The most important practice to do, if you aren't in danger right at this moment, and yes, there are moments when we are mostly OK, is to extend those moments of being OK into the present moment.  Take a breath, pay attention at the top and the bottom of the breath where time is "paused" and let ourselves calm down.I highly recommend unplugging from the fearful Collective right now.  That might mean refraining from listening to the news or checking in on social media.   Give your system a break, look at where you can be thankful and grateful for your circumstances, and let yourself have a few moments free of fear and anxiety.  Make this a practice each day, extend those fear-free moments, and see what happens.What usually happens is that the brain can start thinking logically again.  We can start finding solutions to problems that have come up in a creative way again, and we can hear our own inner guidance and hear our spiritual guidance much more easily.  Our hearts can open again--we can do that small act of kindness for another, like send a late valentine card, or make a phone call, or whatever calls out to us to connect to our fellow man.  When we step out of the collective fear, we can find ourselves as individuals again.  Remember, the spiritual journey is an individual one.  We need you to come back to yourself and your beautiful soul.  We need to you pursue your soul's purpose even in these strange times.much love to all of you,Elaine

Coyote Portal Fast Approaching!

Hello Everyone!

Just a quick note to say that the Coyote Portal Workshop is just a week away!  It's Friday  August 23rd in the evening, all day Saturday, and Sunday until 5pm.  We have just a few spots left--if you were interested and would like to come, please let me know.  Click here to view the flyer.

Coyote is the fun loving, mischievous trickster, who is also family oriented, and a shape shifter.   I am REALLY looking forward to knowing Coyote better and learning the tools to be able to step into Coyote consciousness at will.  And apparently this workshop feels like a weekend-long party.  Who wouldn't want that??

If you've had an interest in shamanism, but do not want to commit to a full wheel, or needed an introduction this is a nice way to go.  You will learn great skills without needing any prerequisites, and each workshop, although in a series, stands alone.  Please reach out if you have questions.  Click here to learn more.

Much love,

Elaine

Empath Summit Season Three with Karyn Kulenovic starts June 8th!

Hello Everyone,

I'm so excited to be a part of the Empath Summit Season Three this year!  From June 8th through June 23rd you can listen to 18 Empath professionals who have used their sensitivity and gifts to build lives and businesses that they love For FREE!  My interview airs June 21st.  I talk about the workshop series with animal archetypes that I host here in Portland, and how each archetype gives us tools that can give us assistance in various aspects of our lives.   I hope you will join us!  Please click here to sign up.

My interview with Karyn Kulenovic is Live for the next 72 hours

Hello Everyone,My interview with Karyn Kulenovic is available starting today for the next 72 hours!  I hope you enjoy.  Just click here to sign up and listen.  In case you miss my interview this weekend, the series will replay for free at the end of the Summit.The interviews for the Integrated Empath Master Class are all free, but you can purchase the series to keep. If you do I will earn a small commission, which I gratefully appreciate!Enjoy!Elaine

Shamanic Workshop, August, with Marv and Shanon Harwood of Kimmapii

Hello Everyone,I'm very excited to announce that my mentor, Marv Harwood, and his wife Shanon, have agreed to come to Portland to teach a shamanic workshop.  This is the first of nine Portals workshops, and is a great introduction for those of you who are interested in shamanic work and personal transformation and would like a good place to start.  For those of you who already carry a mesa but would like to learn about another tradition, this is a special opportunity, especially if you are near Portland, Oregon!  Here is a link to the flyer, Raven - Oregon, including more information, and a brief description is below...  The class is limited to 20 students.  I look forward to meeting you in person in August! Here is a description of the workshop from Marv and Shanon:

Throughout the ages, Shaman have walked many paths - all leading to "Portals".Portals are Shamanic gateways to worlds beyond our consciousness;worlds where true healing exists and miracles happen.Come walk the animistic and the energetic paths in tandem to amass theknowledge and skills to create an Amopistaan - your personal animistic mesa.This in-depth series of 9 seminars (portals) is an on-going program of theory & practical hands-on work.The portals are designed to facilitate the successful assimilation of information and skills presented.As the student gains and demonstrates proficiency they will be given rites of passage at each level.Intelligent, articulate, teacher, bridge to the other side - these are all terms thatdescribe the mystery and the majesty of Raven.Come meet Raven and let his black wings and bright eyes carry you from this worldinto the world of timelessness where he'll coach and guide you to find that stillness within.The "Portals" Series is open to everyone. No pre-requisites are required for any of the individual seminars.You may attend them in any order, at any of our teaching locations. Welcome to the journey!

WORKSHOP DATESAugust 24 - 26, 2018$399Friday Registration: 4-5 PM / Friday Class: 5-9 PMSaturday: 9 AM - 8 PMSunday: 9 AM - 5 PM

REGISTRATION DEADLINE: August 10th, 2018TO REGISTER

Send email to: coachelaine at clearreflectioncoaching.com PRE-REQUISITENone

LOCATIONMultnomah Arts CenterClassroom #107688 SW Capitol HwyPortland, OR 97219

Elaine's Interview Airs Saturday June 9th!

Hi Everyone,It's hard for me to believe, but it's already time for the second season of The Integrated Empath Summit hosted by Karyn Kulenovic!  Karyn interviewed me about Shamanic Energy Work and how it can change the lives of Empaths, especially around trauma.  I hope you will tune in, especially if you have had questions about Shamanic Work and whether it would be a good fit for you.The Summit includes interviews from 28 experts and is especially geared for Empaths.  It begins June 1st and runs through June 18th, and it is FREE!  My interview airs on Saturday the 9th.  To sign up please click HERE. (This is a referral link, which means that if you click on it and then purchase the whole series to keep forever, I will earn a small commission, which I greatly appreciate.)I'm also excited to report that I will be returning to a regular schedule in the fall, which means a new book should be available in 2019 and I may also be taking more clients and writing more blog posts.Stay tuned--my mentor Marv Harwood, and his wife, Shanon, of the Kimmapii School of Shamanism are coming to Portland at the end of August to teach a weekend workshop, no prerequisites required.  More information to come soon.  Until then I hope to see you at the Empath Summit!much love,Elaine

The Friends and Family Trap

Recently I had several people tell me that they couldn't possibly set limits on a relationship because the person causing trouble was a long time friend or was a family member.   Even though my clients and friends were mistreated and this mistreatment was nothing new, they all felt that they had to put up with this behavior in order to consider themselves kind, loving, and tolerant people.Tolerating bad behavior with the assertion that it is loving and kind is neither kind nor loving toward the self or to the other person.  The person who does this not only says, "Yes, treat me like dirt," but also says to the culprit, "Yes, your behavior is completely acceptable and you should keep it up.  This is how our relationship works."Is this really what friends and family do for each other?  Some family and some friends, apparently.  But this does not mean that it is healthy to tolerate such behavior.  Yes, everyone is flawed, yes, everyone has bad days, yes, everyone acts at their worst when under stress.  I am not talking about the flawed person who works on themselves to make their impact on others the best that it can be but blows it on occasion.  I am talking about people who have no interest in taking responsibility for themselves and the impact they have on others.These are the selfish people that we are told by colluding family and friends that we must accept for being where they are.  Sure, accept them, but Don't Hang Out With Them.  DON'T make them your intimate partner.  Don't think you have to be with them in order to be a loving, spiritual person.  That is the Rescuer Trap in full force!  Instead, set boundaries so that you are not so affected by their toxic behavior.  Instead go find people that can express that love and kindness to the degree that you can.  Find people who have grown as much as you have in self-love and self-worth.  Welcome into your tribe those that understand the difference between self-absorption and self-knowledge.The Rescuer Role assumes unconsciously that we are better than others.  The Rescuer assumes that the other person in the relationship is so flawed that he/she deserves special treatment and excuses.  The Rescuer unconsciously sees the other person as a Victim.   If we finally decide to leave a situation that is draining or toxic to us, the Guilt Tripping starts, and we are told (and we believe) we are bad people for taking care of ourselves.  We are selfish and unloving, and even unspiritual for being so cruel to the Victim!  The Rescuer Role and Drama is reinforced.Step off the Drama Triangle.  That means looking at the other person in the relationship and seeing them as capable of change as you are.  That means looking at them as having had made choices in life to get them where they are at.  That means looking at the standard that you hold for yourself and only choosing people with similar standards to be close to you.   The key here is the freedom to choose.  If you had free choice, is this what you would choose for yourself?  Choice limits us.  We human beings have limited time and energy.  If we choose people we don't like, who drain us, who annoy and anger us, then we don't have room for people who uplift us, make us smile, and inspire us.  Not only that, but in these toxic situations if we choose to not set healthy limits, we are also choosing to collude in keeping up the other person in an unhealthy state. 

The Empath and Emotional Responsibility; Taking Right Action

Hello Everyone,

As I've spoken about in my book on the Archetypal Drama Triangle, Empaths can get into trouble when we blame our emotional state on someone else.  We can use our unhappy emotional state as the justification for bullying or attacking another person.  While this can seem justified it is never a creative action, and it always serves to spread the negativity in a wider circle.

I had this experience myself over the past week.  For the first time I received negative reviews on my books I have published through Amazon, first in the UK and then in the US.  In one case, the reader decided to start with Volume Four on Shadow Work, and of course couldn't understand the book since important concepts necessary to understanding Shadow Work were introduced in the first three books.  Instead of taking responsibility for a poor choice, the reader blamed me and gave my book a bad review.  Similarly another reader bought all five books but for whatever reason read the last book first, became depressed, and then gave all the books a bad review while admitting to not reading them.

Unfortunately this sort of behavior is typical for those of us as yet unwilling to take responsibility for our emotional state.  In both cases these readers not only blamed me for their unhappiness but attacked me for it.  If only they had read the first book! :-)

More interestingly for me was watching myself deal with my first negative reviews.  I of course felt unhappy, angry, misrepresented, and attacked, and as an Empath I felt this keenly.  The important point for me, though, was to not turn my emotional state on these reviewers, on myself or on the people around me.  I could have handled my emotional state irresponsibly by being short with my family members, by telling myself I should give up my work, or by attacking the reviewers.  Empaths tend to want to withdraw when dealt criticism, especially unfair criticism.  I had to face that feeling, remind myself that my writing has helped far more people than I even know, and then I needed to share my experience with people that I trusted.  After doing so, the feelings passed and I was able to let that situation go with the inspiration for a Right Action.  I decided to move forward with putting all my books into one large volume instead of waiting to do so until the next two books are complete.  In this way no one could be confused as to what to read first.  (I hope to have this volume published some time in May)

Anyone who puts their work out there is bound to be attacked in this fashion, especially from people who do not take the risk to put their creativity out in the world.  Theodore Roosevelt ignored these attacks from people who were not "in the Arena."  On an objective, logical level I know these reviews are not important, I know they show the state of the reviewer and not my work, and I know that in a few days I'll forget about it.  However, for Empaths this type of attack is much harder to shrug off than for the non-Empath.  We need to give ourselves a break for our emotional state and but not pass our crankiness on like these reviewers did.  We need to go to our support system and ask for support.  I also pampered myself, did a sandpainting, had a salt bath, and vented to trusted family and friends.  I did this over the past few days and felt restored, validated (Empaths love validation) and ready to move forward again. 

I write this post to make two important points.  If a feeling arises that is uncomfortable, try to examine it before acting on it.  If it is obvious that it is the other person's issue, like the response from these reviewers, do what it takes to take care of yourself so that you can shrug off the negativity without hurting yourself or the people around you.  See if there's a Right Action to take, like my deciding to put all my writing into one volume, that will make the experience into a positive, life affirming one.  Then slather thanks and gratitude on your support system. 

Secondly, what would have happened if the reviewer who became depressed by reading my family system book had taken responsibility for his emotions?  Instead of disliking and attacking me personally, the responsible action is to look at what is the true source of the depression, sadness, and ensuing anger, which has to come from something within that reviewer.  Stop before shooting the messenger and look instead for the wound that needs healing.  These actions are the heart of Shadow Work.  This is what makes Shadow Work difficult and confusing.  It seems like the other person is to blame, but it is really an opportunity always to look within.  

As a final request, if my books have helped you on your own journey, please consider writing a favorable review.  I would appreciate the love and support.  Thank you.

much love,

Elaine

Now Available: Fourth and Fifth Volumes of Empath as Archetype

Hello Everyone,

I'm very pleased to announce that my fourth and fifth volumes in my series, Empath as Archetype are now available on Amazon both in Kindle editions and softcovers.  The fourth book, The Empath and Shadow Work, describes the shamanic concept of Shadow, and how when we do not do our Shadow Work, we tend to create the opposite of our Heart's Desires.  This book is a revised version of the Pedestal Book that was for sale on my website.  It also includes a new case study.  If you've already bought the book through my website, you most likely do not need this version.

http://www.amazon.com/Empath-Shadow-Work-Archetype-Four/dp/1491029099

http://www.amazon.com/Empath-Shadow-Work-Archetype-ebook/dp/B00FI2FZUA

The fifth book, The Empath and the Fan-Hero Family System, describes the Shadow of a common family structure in which Empaths tend to interact.  It also describes successful navigation away from this family system.  This book is a revised and expanded version of the Hero-Fan Family System ebook that was for sale on my website.   Once again, if you have already bought this book through my website, you probably do not need another copy unless you would like the extra essay and the softcover.

http://www.amazon.com/Empath-Fan-Hero-Family-System-Archetype/dp/1491030658

Ive' had requests for essays for Empaths on romantic relationships and partnerships, so that will be next!  Thanks again everyone for your feedback and support of my work.

much love,

Elaine

The Empath and Self Sabotage

The past couple of weeks I have been working on an ebook just for the Empath and what it is like for the Empath to go on a conscious healing journey.  Most of you are subscribed to my blog because you are that Empath, or you love that Empath. One trouble spot the Empath commonly encounters is self-sabotage. We have a hidden belief that we should not succeed—that our success causes others suffering, or that we will be punished if we succeed. At the same time, we have so many projects and dreams that we desperately long to pursue and manifest. We can become stuck in a double bind of longing to pursue our creative endeavors but being sure that we will fail somehow.

Where does this belief come from? As I discussed in my ebook, Empath as Archetype, many Empaths were raised by Fans (Type Six on the Enneagram.) If we were raised by an unhealthy Fan, we had to make sense of crazy-making behavior, which in turn heightened our senses, helping us to become Empathic and intuitive. However, because unhealthy Fans are motivated to distract themselves from their fears, Fans tend to act in ways that do not make sense. Fans, in an attempt to avoid consciously knowing their fear and anxiety, come up with rationalizations for their crazy-making behavior that feels off to the Empath. As a consequence, the Empath tries to make sense of the situation and creates a faulty belief.

I have been working with a client who was raised by a Fan who suffered from OCD. Her mother had to be in control so that she wouldn’t come into contact with overwhelming fear and anxiety. Whenever my client during childhood wanted to do something that her mother did not want her to do because it would make her feel anxious, her mother made sure that my client would fail in the attempt. Then her mother would blame my client for the failure, with the unconscious motivation to ensure that her daughter would not trigger her anxiety again.

As an example, when my client was twelve years old she, like many kids, wanted to make a batch of cookies all by herself. Her mother hated to have any one in the kitchen but herself. Having anyone else there making a mess, opening the refrigerator, dirtying the oven, caused her terrible anxiety. However, her mother, who knew full well that it was normal for a twelve year old to want to bake in the kitchen, could not give her daughter a real reason for saying no. (Of course, her mother could have said, “No, honey, your baking in the kitchen makes me too anxious. I know that is unreasonable, I’ll get some help as soon as I can with my fears,” but most unhealthy Fans cannot admit to being fearful. So, my client was allowed to make cookies. But in the background her mother made sure to sabotage her daughter’s cookies so the batch turned out so badly that she would never want to make another attempt.

The belief my client took away from this was, “I should have never wanted to bake cookies. I should have never had insisted. It’s because I wanted to do this so badly that it came out badly. This is my fault. Because I wanted this and made it happen, it came out all wrong.” Now, did her mother intend for her to pick up this belief system? Of course not. She just didn’t want her daughter in her kitchen. But, like most Fans, she couldn’t directly tell my client so.

Because her mother couldn’t be direct, her daughter made up a faulty belief to make sense of the situation. There is nothing unusual about kids wanting to make cookies. But her mother sabotaged her daughter’s cookie dough because her own need to ameliorate her anxiety motivated her more than her need to support and encourage her daughter’s independence. My client took away from that experience that not only was she a bad cook, but that she shouldn’t do what she longed to do. What my client should have taken away from it was that her mother was anxious and angry about letting her make the cookies. My client did not notice the sabotage—what child can fathom that their parent is setting them up for failure?

This is the terrible curse of having an unhealed wound—we have to attend to our wound and the twisted need that it creates in us at the expense of other people, even our children. This is why we must work hard and attend these unhealed patterns in ourselves so we don’t continue to hurt ourselves and others. But here is what my client took away from this interaction, which was reinforced by many interactions over childhood. She internalized the saboteur.

It is very common, in fact, it is the goal of parenting, for our children to internalize parts of us, so that those parts keep our children civilized and also inspire them to pursue their gifts. However, so many of us internalize not just the gifts, but the wounds. My client who wants to write novels, paint watercolor, learn how to hike through the backcountry, has this awful sabotuer always at the ready to smash whatever dream she longs for. If she gets on a roll, then she can be sure that she will create something to trip herself up. She no longer needs her mother to do it—she learned the lesson so well that she does it to herself. The more her Heart thinks it is fun, thinks it is expansive, thinks it's a little risky, the harder the sabotage, the more she drags her feet, the more she blames herself for wanting to make that break out of what is really her mother’s rut into her own expansion.

It is to my client’s credit that she broke out anyway. During her teenagehood she had to be angry, demanding, and forceful to have the energy to overcome her mother’s fear and objections. It would be easy to continue to be angry at her mother, to blame her mother for her emotionally crippled state. However, it is important to realize that Fans become Fans because they feel so unsafe in the world. Her mother had good reason to feel unsafe—she was brought up in a family that didn’t have enough after war time, her natural mother died early, and she was raised in a family with several other children. Her mother, being a human being, was bound to come out wounded from those experiences.

This is simply an example of my client’s mother’s wounds passing to my client and setting up her own self-sabotage pattern. For my client to heal from this wound, it’s good to have the consciousness around where it came from, but more importantly it’s good to dismantle the belief system, get the soul retrieval done to bring back that part of her that wants to embrace life and have some crazy, out of the way, kind of fun; the soul retrieval returns the unwounded soul part that has never been sabotaged by her mother.

If you have a strong saboteur within you, and you are an Empath, take a look and see if your mother sounds like my client’s mother. The sabotage may not be as extreme as in this case, it may be more subtle and harder to pin point. Chances are that if you have a Fan as a mother, then you have a very strong saboteur. Realize that that voice inside of you comes from a weak and scared person who is not you! Realize that life doesn’t have to be boxed in like it has been—you can change this belief system and emerge ready to pursue your dreams.

Creativity and Growing Up

Most of us have heard that to be creative we must be in touch with our inner child, and that our inner child is the creative aspect of ourselves.  This is true.  But sometimes a big block to being creative is failing to grow up.  When clients come to me blocked in their creativity we look at how their beliefs and behavior have formed predictable outcomes.  More often than not, my client has the belief system of a child; he hasn’t yet fully grown up.  While he may be in his 40’s, parents to young children, or even a grandparent, these life events do not guarantee that he is a grown-up.

How does not growing up block our creativity?  To successfully create, we must be partnered with Spirit.  We are fully equal partners, not Spirit as above us in hierarchy and we below.  So many of us come to the conscious spiritual path with our parental issues still unhealed.  We look to Spirit to take care of us, to guarantee us a life of grace and flow.  In fact, what can happen is that Spirit pushes us into growing up, and this process can be very uncomfortable.

If we have a Heart’s Desire directed from our Soul, such as to make a big splash in the world by being a leader, or to write a best selling novel, or to sell a beloved screenplay, but we haven’t yet grown up, Life is going to put in our way opportunity after opportunity to become responsible for ourselves.  Many clients have told me this is too scary.  And yes, it is frightening.  Yes, it does require courage, yes, that means facing down fear, and yes that means we might fail.  Many clients have told me that this is not fair—this isn’t what the conscious Spiritual path promised.  These clients want the childish wish of success with no risk.  Of course it is much much easier to not grow up!  For a fully empowered creative life, growing up is required.

One of the pitfalls of working as a psychic and shaman is being put in the position of Rescuer and Good Mother.  Many a client who has not grown up wants me to be responsible for decisions, and they expect favorable outcomes.  Of course, the purpose of my life and practice is to be of service to others in empowering themselves, the complete reverse of unspoken expectations from clients unwilling to grow up.  When I point out to these clients that they need to start making decisions for themselves, they are usually shocked and resentful.  Most of these clients want me to tell them exactly what to do.  They want the guarantee of the successful life without feeling the burden of doing their own work.

We are all creative beings.  We all have a creative inner child.  That inner child needs proper guidance and parenting.  So many of us did not get that kind of support from our own parents, or we received good parenting for the survival or practical side of life, but creativity was labeled impractical or squashed.  We may have hurt and shaken inner children to guide.  We may have a fantastical, whimsical but totally flighty inner child.  It is up to us to guide our precious inner selves into manifesting what we love on the physical plane.  That requires a good parent; that requires us to be Grown Ups.

Growing up means that we make a decision and we accept the consequences.  Growing up means that we stop straddling fences and commit to our Hearts or that we accept that we aren’t willing to do so.  Growing up means that we look at our needs and the needs of others around us and take the whole picture into consideration instead of satisfying our own needs selfishly and justifying it as self-care or satisfying everyone else’s needs before our own and justifying that as being caring and reliable.  Growing up literally means being willing to make hard decisions even though they may be completely wrong and may lead to failure, disaster, and even death.  (Empaths love to block themselves with a little Drama!)

Growing up means becoming more Conscious.  Anyone who has done the work of staying Conscious will tell you that it is no fun, but it is totally worth it.  Creativity requires being in the moment, and requires being Conscious.  Creativity can be uncomfortable because as we create we come across all sorts of feelings, thought-forms, and bodily sensations that simply do not feel pleasant.  Not to mention the grip of being consumed by a creative project.  It is no wonder that so many creative people resist creating even though we love it and are driven to do it!  But, if we are Grown Ups, we show up and do the work to manifest our Dream and Vision despite the unhappy feelings, despite the negative thoughts, despite the physical discomfort, despite unsupportive friends, family, etc.  (Some of you may ask, does creating always feel this horrible?  Not always, but creativity requires going into the void, and human beings don’t like that because it is unknown and uncertain, which means scary and risky.)

Grown ups transcend the natural difficulties in a situation—as my husband likes to say, Grown ups Suck It Up and Deal!  When we come to accept that creativity can be difficult emotionally, challenging mentally, and full of risks, these obstacles cease to be so daunting.  We just get on with it instead.  We move forward a little bit, a little at a time.  Sometimes we will be inspired, sometimes we won’t be.  But the Grown Up gets out there consistently.  We are here to be creative.  That means that there must be some daily doing, which means that there must be some daily discipline, which means there must be some daily self-coaching.

Just like we send our kids to school every morning unless they are sick or feeling unsafe, we set our inner child to work on our creativity, with us as the Grown Up in charge.  This may seem harsh, unjust, and unfair.  This may not seem like bliss, ease, grace, and flow.  This may seem contrary to what the conscious spiritual path promised.  If you think so, let your inner child throw a tantrum, and then make the decision to Suck It Up and Get On With It!

Leading with the Heart

When we are trying to create from the Soul, from the Heart, sometimes we can get tripped up by practicalities.  These practicalities are real; we need enough money, we need support, we need a life that’s not full of stress.  However, sometimes, practicalities can get in the way of tuning into what our Heart really wants.

When we tune into the Heart, we know what we must go for despite practicalities.  One way to think about this is to see that living from the Heart means no guarantee of an outcome.  So many times most of us want a guaranteed outcome of success.  But creative living always requires risk, which means a level of uncertainty.  We know we are in touch with our Heart’s Desire when we must go after it even if we fail.  We are unattached to outcome because the pursuit is the point.  Ironically, we are much more likely to succeed because our dream is powered by the Soul and by the Heart in the form of Courage.  Spirit likes to line up behind such dreams.

The way I like to test myself about whether a practicality is reasonable or not is to directly face the fears involved.  What is the worst that can happen?  Is that OK?  Is that fear reasonable?  Do I have to go for it anyway?  What is interesting is that I have clients that come to me full of practical reasons of why they choose not to pursue some goal or dream, but when we set all of those aside, usually the Heart wins out.

Recently I had a couples client.  The wife wanted to have another child, the husband did not.  Both understood the practicalities involved.  But the wife wanted another child despite it being an insane idea.  She knew there was no logical reason to have another child.  She felt overwhelmed much of the time with her child as it was, not to mention with the challenges of living with her husband who was very different from her.  But she wanted this child.

When I spoke to her husband, he didn’t want another child, mostly because of practicalities.  It didn’t feel responsible to bring another person into the family when their life was so complicated and conflicted as it was.  While both were doing their personal work to address challenges in their marriage, progress was slow and arduous.  How would another child fit?  These are very valid concerns.  But sometimes the valid concerns, while they need to be addressed, should not stop us.  I asked him, twenty years from now, would he regret that he didn’t have this second child, even if his marriage worked out, even if it didn’t work out?

The eye-opener for my client was to see that he would regret not having a second child even if the marriage did NOT work out.  He didn’t need a guarantee of happiness.  Something about having two children to complete his family was speaking to him from his Soul.  The Soul much of the time does not make logical sense.  Setting logic aside for the moment to come into touch with the Heart, he realized which direction he needed to take.

Now this couple can together jump into adding another child to their family.  They still must address the challenges of their marriage and continue to do their personal work.  But life is life.  This is it.  We must do what our Soul wants us to do here, or we are not truly living.  We must check in with the Soul first, then look at logic next.  Practical solutions to problems will then follow.  This is the path of creativity.  Let the Heart lead the way.

Creativity and Expansion

I was talking to my mentor, Greta Holmes, yesterday about the discomfort I've been feeling around changing my practice.  As I've looked back on my life, I see that I go through these cycles of expansion as I move into my creativity.  I had been feeling in somewhat of a double bind, because the emotional signals to expand are so uncomfortable: first boredom as what I am currently doing no longer feels like enough, then anxiety at the thought of what it would take to dive into something new or dive into that creative side once again.  Sure enough, one of my coping mechanisms for dealing with these uncomfortable emotions is to eat lots of chocolate.The trick for me is to realize that this is part of being a creative being.  Expansion will come, and I have to use those emotional signals (and as Empaths we are SO in touch with our emotions) to let me know that what is before me is a decision--sit still or move forward.  The most painful part of this cycle is to not decide.  Once I decide, then the emotions subside, and all that energy that was going into them can go into my creativity.I find this very exciting as I move away from one-on-one work into more writing, but scary as well.  Here's to hoping that you will break yourself free from the status quo when boredom and then anxiety hits you.  Remember, it's all good, it's a sign that you are evolving!much love,Elaine

The Power of Story and Projection

Hi Everyone, Fall has finally arrived here in Portland bringing with it an end to 80 degree days and sunshine.  I so love this change in season!  In the past several weeks I've noticed two topics come up with my clients repeatedly--identification with a Story, and Projection of the conclusions of that Story out onto others.  So, I thought I would discuss this more in the Empath Telecall; the next one is this Friday at noon pacific time.  These two topics of so important because we create our lives through our Stories and our Beliefs, and we have so much external reinforcement of our Stories and Beliefs that they begin to feel like facts rather than something that we have control over and can personally change.From the shaman's perspective, once we get to know our Story, we can change it and use a different, more empowering story, which manifests our lives in a better way for us.  Some of these disempowering stories become so embedded in our system that we need help digging out those stories and their beliefs.  But once we understand our stories and our patterned way of thinking about ourselves, we gain more control of our lives.  Empaths in general have a typical group of stories that we like to tell ourselves.  We tend to have great imaginations and live in fantasy and romatic story, we tend to need rescuing (which leads to problems with personal responsibility), or we tend to waste time rescuing others (the flip side of the Drama Triangle), we tend to be perfectionists which leads us to be painfully self-conscious, and we tend to have tragic stories that lead us to concentrate on the past sorrowfully instead of move forward into our creativity.  As we become healthy, we can change these stories around and gain strength and wisdom from them instead.Most of us have experienced traumas or unhappy experiences in our past that stuck with us for so long, that they repeat themselves in our current life.  We tend to interpret our current experience through these past experiences, and draw similar conclusions.  In psychology, this is called projection.  From the shaman perspective, however, projection is also a energetic and vibrational experience as well, meaning that we will in the literal plane draw to us the players that we need to play out the roles in our particular story and make it very easy to project.  If we have a pattern that plays out repeatedly, the shaman can help dismantle it, and teach the client how to recognize the pattern and the typical projection that comes with it.  This is hard hard personal work because when each of us project unconsciously, it seems like the world is the way it is, rather than it originating from us--it is a blind spot for us, although it might be quite obvious what the blindspot is for others looking in!  But from the shaman perspective, each of us is the source of our reality, and each of us is responsible for everything that we create. This is both frightening and empowering, because it means that by changing our internal world, we can change our literal external world for the better.  All we need to do is start with ourselves and our own innerworld.  This is good news for the Empath who loves looking at the innerworld, but it is also a challenge.  Some of our most powerful patterns come from our family system.  We take on our role in the family and the belief system, and if we do not become conscious, that belief system can so run our lives that we do not have much choice in how our lives unfold.  However, breaking out of a family belief system can be incredibly painful and confusing, depending on how unhealthy the belief system was for us, and how ingrained our family members will still be in holding it together.  The pull from these types of patterns can literally feel like they have a life force all their own.If you'd like to learn more, or share your personal experiences with these topics, please feel free to join me on Friday, or write to me here on my blog.  Here's to doing the personal work in order to live a happy and free life!much love,Elaine

The Empath and Archetype

Hi Everyone,I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful summer!  In Portland we're starting another thankfully short heatwave after a few weeks of cool days in the 70's.  I had an interesting synchronistic experience last week that I wanted to share with you.  As most of you know, when synchronicity is in action, Spirit is in action--we've stepped out of linear time and into circular time.  It's a cool and magical experience.  I had this plus the veil between waking time and dream time lift briefly to give me a glimpse into my own healing process.  What magic, but whoa!As all of you know I've been working on a series of essays to collect into a book for the past two years based on the healing journey of most Empaths.  What I've concluded from working with clients and from my own personal healing work is that Archetypal forces shape our lives more than we might think.  Our lives feel very personal to us (especially if we have the Archetype of Empath) but in the larger picture, we are living out similar archetypal patterns.  So, my book and my Empath Telecall have been centered around these archetypal forces so we can understand what is happening to us and step out of archetypal forces, or at least use the best parts of the archetype for our benefit.For the past three calls I have been pulling lessons out of my own personal story to illustrate the collective force of the Family, and how that force can be so strong we may not break free of it to lead the lives that we might choose for ourselves.  I had been afraid that I might step too strongly into my own personal story when it came to describing the archetype of the Fan, because in my past people with the Fan archetype have irritated and disappointed me greatly.  (The Fan is the archetype that is most concerned about the group and maintaining the group or family, even at the expense of the individuals involved.)The night before I held my telecall I had a dream in which tornados were taking out the buildings of my college campus.  I had looked behind me, and two tornados were tearing a building apart.  As I turned my head to the right, three more tornados were taking out another building.  Now I was terrified and afraid that I was going to be caught in the twisters and killed.  I started to run.  But, when I looked ahead of me, two more tornados were destroying yet another building.  In that moment I understood that I was not going to survive this, and my fear went away.  It was OK to let myself die.I woke up feeling well rested, oddly enough, given the dream!  Usually I do not know until the last minute who will be on these telecalls.  As it turned out in this call all the participants had Fan mothers (including me.)  The lecture that I had prepared was pertinent personally to each of them, and it made such a difference as to how they were viewing their relationships with their Fan mothers.  In fact, the call helped me understand my own mother, and the Fans in my husband's family better as well.  Spirit brought the right participants, and my worries about becoming too personal were unfounded; after all, I was talking about the collective's archetypal patterns.The next day my husband and I were at the park with our toddler son.  We were talking about the insights I had come to from giving my telecall, and how we could let the anger and guilt we still had at leaving his family system die.  While we were happy that we had escaped the powerful group think so we could have the lives that we really wanted, there were still parts of us that cycled between guilt and anger at having done so.  Of course, the remaining guilt and the anger are residues of the strength of influence the family group think had over us.As we talked about this, on my right, just out of my arms reach, a dust devil stirred up.  It swirled into a mini twister about a dozen feet tall, threw up bark chips in my hair, my husband's hair, then moved past me to my son and threw chips into his hair, then it chased a toddler across the park before dissipating.  We started laughing at this, given my dream of two days before.  We were getting cleaned out to the very roots, and not only had I seen it in dream time, I had seen it in waking time, too.  Progress in our healing made, with comfirmation from Spirit!I love working with Spirit!  Healing work is usually a mixture of hard work and joy at the freedom coming our way when we really step in to the path of power.  But for me, those meetings of Spirit making the huge signs are the most rewarding.  I hope this story helps you step in and claim those places where you are still giving your personal power away instead of using it for your own creativity and joy.much love,Elaine 

New Essays Available

Hello Everyone!I hope you all are enjoying your summer.  I am happy to say that I am feeling much much better, so much so that I've been able to return to writing, and to working one-on-one with clients on a limited basis.  Right now I'm able to take new clients for Intuitive Readings, but I'm limiting energywork sessions to those people who have worked with me on my Empath Telecall.  If you've been waiting for a reading, please let me know.I've published six new essays to the website for purchase.  The new essays are around our Soul's Calling, and the challenges of following a Spiritual path and being a co-creator with Spirit.  You can see these essays by visiting my website at this link: http://www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htm These essays are toward the bottom of the page, and labelled added July 23rd.  Many thanks to my clients for inspiring these essays and for letting me be a facillitator in their healing process!Also, I've posted a new essay at  around the challenges of giving up denial, especially when we may be still surrounded by other living in Illusion.  Sometimes we can wonder why we started on the path at all when life can feel excrutiating.  Denial is like an emotional immune system, keeping us happy when all is really not well.  For those of us on a Spiritual path, we consciously turn off that emotional immune system.http://www.elainelajoie.com/GivingUpDenial.htmI hope these are helpful.  For the rest of the summer I'll be focussing on finishing up those essays on Family Reinforcement, the Emotionally Dissociated Hero, the Fan, and the Empath.  Once those are complete, I will announce it here.  In the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy the website and the Empath Telecalls.much love,Elaine 

E-Essays now Available

Hi everyone!Well, at the urging of some of my clients, I've made some of my essays that will appear in my book available for purchase ahead of time.  I hope to have the book published as a softcover book by the end of the year, but I've said that before.  So, here's the first set of 6 essays.  Just visit my website herehttp://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htmLet me know what you think, and I hope they are helpful!much love,Elaine

Support for the Empath

Hi Everyone!I am happy to annouce that I have been able to record the Empath Telecall for those of you who are looking for support and insight into your intuitive gifts.  Right now there are two calls available for download, and the live calls are scheduled for the 1st and 3rd Fridays of the month.  Our next call is this Friday.  Please let me know if you'd like to join us.  Right now we've discussed how the Empath deals with input from others, basic protections, and we've just begun talking about the Drama Triangle and the Empath.  If you'd like to learn more, just go to my website and click workshops.  It's the first workshop listed.Here's to enjoying our Empathy and our intuitive gifts!Elaine

Empath Teleclass Begins Friday

Hello Everyone!I'm happy to annouce the first session of my teleclass for Empaths and Intuitive Introverts!  The first class is scheduled to being this Friday at noon pacific.  If you are an Empath and want advice and information about how to manage your gifts, this call is for you.  You can see more information and sign up for the class by going to:http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathyTeleClass.htmThe format of this call will be lecture and information based on a topic from my book, The Healing Journey for the Empath, plus small group coaching if participants have questions about applying this information in their own lives. I hope you will join in!Much Love,Elaine 

Happy New Year!

Hello Everyone!I'm wishing you a very prosperous and joyful 2009!!  I am just returning to work after a three month long sabbatical, during which I have had time to think about changes to my practice.  The most major change is that I am no longer taking on-going clients.  For the past two years, most clients have worked with me for a year and longer.  What this meant is that I did not get to see very many people.  So, in an effort to reach more people, I am going to offer teleclasses this year on Empathy and the Healing process, an in-person class on Dreaming your Life into Being (in Portland), and a very small mentoring program for beginning healers who want to broaden their base of knowledge with shamanic work, intuitive work, and coaching skills.  If any of these sound good to you, don't hesitate to shoot me an email.I'm looking forward to meeting with you all soon!Elaine