Special Hour on April 18th--Release Fear and Access Your Inner Strength

Hello Everyone,

What an interesting time we are living through right now.  Unless you are working  in one of the essential businesses, you are probably at home with your family, trying to navigate an uncertain and fearful time.  As Empaths, it can be too easy to tune in to the collective and become overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty, which only exacerbates whatever personal fears we have.

As many of you already know, from the shaman's perspective times like these present an opportunity for change and growth.  Change and growth is hardly ever pleasant, and I'm not discounting the suffering that people are going through right now.  But what can we as Empaths do to help this collective change?

First and foremost, we must take care of ourselves.  We must take care of our own level of fear.  For those of us who are shaman we can be that island of peace for other fearful beings, remembering that fear is an ally but a terrible master.  As Empaths we can offer compassion and our strength of holding emotional space for others.  We are stronger than we think--but we must commit to our self care.

Last month I was interviewed by Bevin Niemann of the Shift Network.  I welcome to those of you who joined my mailing list from that interview!  I'm happy to have you here.  I'm also happy to invite you to a free hour by Bevin that is just for Empaths.  On Saturday, April 18, Bevin, writer, life purpose coach, and co-founder of 1 Million Empaths, will share hard-earned insights and proven practices for navigating life as an empath or HSP during these uncertain times. 

You can register for Release Fear & Access Your Inner Strength & Resilience as an Empath or Highly Sensitive Person, here: https://shiftnetwork.infusionsoft.com/go/rf/a21059

During this special free hour, you’ll discover (or remember):

• Why being sensitive is actually an evolutionary advantage
• How being self-focused is not selfish, it’s necessary for your health and vitality
• How being in defensive and self-protective mode constantly stresses your sensitive nervous system
• An easy exercise for releasing fear and anxiety — and holding your energetic space
• Ways to practice sensing and listening to what you’re feeling without trying to “fix” or rescue others

When you can strike a balance — trusting and owning your gifts as an empath or HSP, and allowing them to guide and ground you during tumultuous times (without giving too much of your emotional energies to others) — you’ll mine the many benefits that come with successfully navigating your challenges…

You can RSVP for free here: https://shiftnetwork.infusionsoft.com/go/rf/a21059

I am also accepting a small number of clients at this time--not my regular schedule as I practice self-care, but don't hesitate to reach out.  The Elk Portal and the Eagle Portal have been rescheduled--more on that coming soon.

Stay well Everyone!

much love,

Elaine  

Empath Summit Season Three with Karyn Kulenovic starts June 8th!

Hello Everyone,

I'm so excited to be a part of the Empath Summit Season Three this year!  From June 8th through June 23rd you can listen to 18 Empath professionals who have used their sensitivity and gifts to build lives and businesses that they love For FREE!  My interview airs June 21st.  I talk about the workshop series with animal archetypes that I host here in Portland, and how each archetype gives us tools that can give us assistance in various aspects of our lives.   I hope you will join us!  Please click here to sign up.

Drama and Stepping into Timelessness

Hello Everyone!It is very strange to me that August is already here, and ironic since at the end of the month I am hosting a workshop all about stepping into Timelessness.  Time seems to have sped up for many of us with all our obligations and our busy lives.  Stepping into Timelessness isn't just useful for relieving ourselves from the busy-ness of life, it is also useful for stepping out of Drama.We Empaths can get stirred up with our own internal Drama after we've made a decision, especially if the decision is a firm No to someone who is stuck in Drama themselves.  I had the opportunity recently to work with a client who was prone to Drama, and then to see how stepping into Timelessness can stop the Drama right in Its tracks.My client had been in a years-long friendship with another Empath who happened to be stuck in Victim.  This person had managed to blow little innocent incidents into hurtful, unnecessary Dramas with various people in her life.  After one incident too many involving my client's spouse, my client and her spouse finally and firmly ended the relationship.  Of course, her friend found her unreasonable and unforgiving, and since this friend was stuck in Victim, considered my client a Bully and attacked her verbally.  All her own Shadow issues of jealousy and envy had been projected onto my client in one vicious last swoop.  My client already knew these issues were in play, but had hoped her friend had managed to get control of it and would take responsibility.  But this friend didn't.  It was easy to see that this friend was dangerously carrying around a metaphorical loaded shotgun, and was unconscious to the harm she did to others firing it off whenever her own stuff was triggered.  My client was relieved to let the friendship end, and she was also surprised by how free she felt afterwards.  (This is a typical feeling once we've given up a vampire relationship.)Predictably the former friend wanted to repair the relationship, and she contacted my client once or twice.  My client very wisely ignored her.  She simply wasn't interested anymore--her freedom, and the relief of friends around her was too valuable.  (She didn't realize how much discomfort this friend had been causing in other lives until they confided in her afterwards.)Naturally the Victim friend pulled in a Rescuer who was identified with Rescuing women who had put themselves in dire straights.  This Rescuer was doing his personal work so he could become an energyworker himself.  However, like many people who feel called to the healing arts, he had to work on his tendency to Rescue, and on his identification with being a Light Worker.  As many of you know from reading my blog and my books, shaman are not Light Workers.  Shaman can help assist others in owning the projections of their Shadows so that they can create lives that they want instead of what they create out of their Shadows. My client had the talent of being the social glue for people she loved, so excluding anyone from her life was very hard for her to do, which was of course why she allowed this former friendship to continue for so long in the first place.  The former friend was missing out on community events my client hosted on a regular basis.  The Rescuer saw this and wanted to help.  He contacted my client and told her that this relationship was in need of deep healing, and if she was willing to do the work, then this former friend could be included once again.  Luckily for my client she saw the Rescue right away and didn't turn into a Bully and lambast him for interfering where he didn't belong.  She simply told him that No, she wasn't interested, and in fact there were others that would be negatively affected too, and she didn't want to lose their company either, so No.  The Rescuer in this situation was very disappointed--he unconsciously thought to not only Rescue the former friend who held the Victim story, but to Rescue the friendship as well.  He thought that of course if you are doing your personal work, all relationships could be healed.  (This is a very common faulty belief.)For my client she found the incident amusing at first, because she knew this man was working hard on his Rescuer tendency, but she had also taken on the Rescuer's surprise and disappointment at her firm No.  (Remember, if you are stuck in Rescuer, it's hard to see others clearly--everyone is either a Victim or a Bully.)  In her head she started defending herself and her position, she started going over what exactly had happened in the past to cause her to break off the relationship with the Victim, she started getting annoyed and angry at the Rescuer for breaking boundaries and approaching her when he didn't even know her.  In short, she spun out into her own internal Drama--internal because she was wise enough not to act on it, but she was suffering anyway.  (If you are an Empath, you understand our tendency to slip into this type of suffering.)The solution for her was to do a sandpainting and let Mother Earth transform it, and then she stepped into Timelessness.  Sitting next to her sandpainting, a hummingbird came and hovered in front of her face for a few moments, reminding her to step outside of time, drink only from the deepest nectar of life, and remember that life is in these precious nows.  Then the Drama was done, and she could laugh at the situation again.  Every person has their Shadow to work on--she could go back to being compassionate to everyone involved, including herself, without having to get back into a literal relationship with anyone stuck in Drama.  What a relief!If you related to this story, and you would like to learn how to step into Timelessness, there is still time (haha!) to register for the Raven Portal Workshop taught by my mentor, Marv Harwood, and his wife, Shanon in Portland from Friday evening August 24th through Sunday the 26th.  Just contact me or visit the homepage of my website:  www.elainelajoie.commuch love,Elaine   

My interview with Karyn Kulenovic is Live for the next 72 hours

Hello Everyone,My interview with Karyn Kulenovic is available starting today for the next 72 hours!  I hope you enjoy.  Just click here to sign up and listen.  In case you miss my interview this weekend, the series will replay for free at the end of the Summit.The interviews for the Integrated Empath Master Class are all free, but you can purchase the series to keep. If you do I will earn a small commission, which I gratefully appreciate!Enjoy!Elaine

Elaine's Privacy Policy, and the 2nd Empath Summit Masterclass Begins Today!

Hello Everyone,Just a reminder that The Integrated Empath Summit hosted by Karyn Kulenovic starts today, June 1st!  Each interview will be live for 72 hours, so even if you didn't have a chance to listen today, there is still time over the weekend.  My interview goes live on Saturday the 9th.  Karyn interviewed me about Shamanic Energy Work and how it can change the lives of Empaths, especially around trauma.  I hope you will tune in, especially if you have had questions about Shamanic Work and whether it would be a good fit for you.  The Summit runs through June 18th, and it is FREE!  My interview airs on Saturday the 9th.  To sign up please click HERE. (This is a referral link, which means that if you click on it and then purchase the whole series to keep forever, I will earn a small commission, which I greatly appreciate.)As many of you know, the EU has passed a law that recently went into effect requiring those of us that have EU subscribers and clients to post a privacy policy describing what is done with your personal data.  You can view my policy by clicking here.  At any time you may also unsubscribe from my list by clicking the unsubscribe link in the emails I send you, or by emailing me directly.Thanks so much everyone, and I hope you enjoy the Empath Summit,much love,Elaine

Shamanic Workshop, August, with Marv and Shanon Harwood of Kimmapii

Hello Everyone,I'm very excited to announce that my mentor, Marv Harwood, and his wife Shanon, have agreed to come to Portland to teach a shamanic workshop.  This is the first of nine Portals workshops, and is a great introduction for those of you who are interested in shamanic work and personal transformation and would like a good place to start.  For those of you who already carry a mesa but would like to learn about another tradition, this is a special opportunity, especially if you are near Portland, Oregon!  Here is a link to the flyer, Raven - Oregon, including more information, and a brief description is below...  The class is limited to 20 students.  I look forward to meeting you in person in August! Here is a description of the workshop from Marv and Shanon:

Throughout the ages, Shaman have walked many paths - all leading to "Portals".Portals are Shamanic gateways to worlds beyond our consciousness;worlds where true healing exists and miracles happen.Come walk the animistic and the energetic paths in tandem to amass theknowledge and skills to create an Amopistaan - your personal animistic mesa.This in-depth series of 9 seminars (portals) is an on-going program of theory & practical hands-on work.The portals are designed to facilitate the successful assimilation of information and skills presented.As the student gains and demonstrates proficiency they will be given rites of passage at each level.Intelligent, articulate, teacher, bridge to the other side - these are all terms thatdescribe the mystery and the majesty of Raven.Come meet Raven and let his black wings and bright eyes carry you from this worldinto the world of timelessness where he'll coach and guide you to find that stillness within.The "Portals" Series is open to everyone. No pre-requisites are required for any of the individual seminars.You may attend them in any order, at any of our teaching locations. Welcome to the journey!

WORKSHOP DATESAugust 24 - 26, 2018$399Friday Registration: 4-5 PM / Friday Class: 5-9 PMSaturday: 9 AM - 8 PMSunday: 9 AM - 5 PM

REGISTRATION DEADLINE: August 10th, 2018TO REGISTER

Send email to: coachelaine at clearreflectioncoaching.com PRE-REQUISITENone

LOCATIONMultnomah Arts CenterClassroom #107688 SW Capitol HwyPortland, OR 97219

Elaine's Interview Airs Saturday June 9th!

Hi Everyone,It's hard for me to believe, but it's already time for the second season of The Integrated Empath Summit hosted by Karyn Kulenovic!  Karyn interviewed me about Shamanic Energy Work and how it can change the lives of Empaths, especially around trauma.  I hope you will tune in, especially if you have had questions about Shamanic Work and whether it would be a good fit for you.The Summit includes interviews from 28 experts and is especially geared for Empaths.  It begins June 1st and runs through June 18th, and it is FREE!  My interview airs on Saturday the 9th.  To sign up please click HERE. (This is a referral link, which means that if you click on it and then purchase the whole series to keep forever, I will earn a small commission, which I greatly appreciate.)I'm also excited to report that I will be returning to a regular schedule in the fall, which means a new book should be available in 2019 and I may also be taking more clients and writing more blog posts.Stay tuned--my mentor Marv Harwood, and his wife, Shanon, of the Kimmapii School of Shamanism are coming to Portland at the end of August to teach a weekend workshop, no prerequisites required.  More information to come soon.  Until then I hope to see you at the Empath Summit!much love,Elaine

The Empath and Emotional Responsibility; Taking Right Action

Hello Everyone,

As I've spoken about in my book on the Archetypal Drama Triangle, Empaths can get into trouble when we blame our emotional state on someone else.  We can use our unhappy emotional state as the justification for bullying or attacking another person.  While this can seem justified it is never a creative action, and it always serves to spread the negativity in a wider circle.

I had this experience myself over the past week.  For the first time I received negative reviews on my books I have published through Amazon, first in the UK and then in the US.  In one case, the reader decided to start with Volume Four on Shadow Work, and of course couldn't understand the book since important concepts necessary to understanding Shadow Work were introduced in the first three books.  Instead of taking responsibility for a poor choice, the reader blamed me and gave my book a bad review.  Similarly another reader bought all five books but for whatever reason read the last book first, became depressed, and then gave all the books a bad review while admitting to not reading them.

Unfortunately this sort of behavior is typical for those of us as yet unwilling to take responsibility for our emotional state.  In both cases these readers not only blamed me for their unhappiness but attacked me for it.  If only they had read the first book! :-)

More interestingly for me was watching myself deal with my first negative reviews.  I of course felt unhappy, angry, misrepresented, and attacked, and as an Empath I felt this keenly.  The important point for me, though, was to not turn my emotional state on these reviewers, on myself or on the people around me.  I could have handled my emotional state irresponsibly by being short with my family members, by telling myself I should give up my work, or by attacking the reviewers.  Empaths tend to want to withdraw when dealt criticism, especially unfair criticism.  I had to face that feeling, remind myself that my writing has helped far more people than I even know, and then I needed to share my experience with people that I trusted.  After doing so, the feelings passed and I was able to let that situation go with the inspiration for a Right Action.  I decided to move forward with putting all my books into one large volume instead of waiting to do so until the next two books are complete.  In this way no one could be confused as to what to read first.  (I hope to have this volume published some time in May)

Anyone who puts their work out there is bound to be attacked in this fashion, especially from people who do not take the risk to put their creativity out in the world.  Theodore Roosevelt ignored these attacks from people who were not "in the Arena."  On an objective, logical level I know these reviews are not important, I know they show the state of the reviewer and not my work, and I know that in a few days I'll forget about it.  However, for Empaths this type of attack is much harder to shrug off than for the non-Empath.  We need to give ourselves a break for our emotional state and but not pass our crankiness on like these reviewers did.  We need to go to our support system and ask for support.  I also pampered myself, did a sandpainting, had a salt bath, and vented to trusted family and friends.  I did this over the past few days and felt restored, validated (Empaths love validation) and ready to move forward again. 

I write this post to make two important points.  If a feeling arises that is uncomfortable, try to examine it before acting on it.  If it is obvious that it is the other person's issue, like the response from these reviewers, do what it takes to take care of yourself so that you can shrug off the negativity without hurting yourself or the people around you.  See if there's a Right Action to take, like my deciding to put all my writing into one volume, that will make the experience into a positive, life affirming one.  Then slather thanks and gratitude on your support system. 

Secondly, what would have happened if the reviewer who became depressed by reading my family system book had taken responsibility for his emotions?  Instead of disliking and attacking me personally, the responsible action is to look at what is the true source of the depression, sadness, and ensuing anger, which has to come from something within that reviewer.  Stop before shooting the messenger and look instead for the wound that needs healing.  These actions are the heart of Shadow Work.  This is what makes Shadow Work difficult and confusing.  It seems like the other person is to blame, but it is really an opportunity always to look within.  

As a final request, if my books have helped you on your own journey, please consider writing a favorable review.  I would appreciate the love and support.  Thank you.

much love,

Elaine

Working Those Imprints! Manifesting What We Want rather than Our Fate

I had several questions from clients this week on why working an imprint is so hard.  An imprint is a belief system that has become so ingrained that it manifests outcomes for us unconsciously rather than consciously.  People come to me to unravel imprints because the outcomes are painful and unwanted.  However, it is possible to unconsciously manifest great outcomes.  The key to remember is that all imprints come with a belief system attached.  If we have faulty beliefs, we will wind up with unhappy outcomes.

When we have an unhappy pattern in our lives, an imprint with its faulty beliefs is at work.  This imprint can come from cultural beliefs, archetypal beliefs, family beliefs and personal beliefs.  Personal beliefs are the easiest to change, and many times we can change our personal beliefs without outside help.  Clients come to me for underworld work usually because of hidden cultural, archetypal, and family beliefs.  These hidden group beliefs tend to run our creations without our ever knowing we have these beliefs.  The shaman can go into the subconscious mind (the underworld) on behalf of the client and begin dismantling the imprint and its corresponding belief system.

However, even with shamanic intervention, it is up to the client to make sure that his words and actions reinforce his new belief system.  If that does not take place, we will still manifest unhappy outcomes because of old habit.  It is this conscious work that so many people slip up on.  Too many clients expect the shamanic work to magically take away unwanted outcomes.  However, the client creates her life, so it is always the client who has to make sure that the change on the energetic and mythic planes comes down to the mental, emotional, and physical planes as well.

Our relationships with our family will change, as well as how we belong within our culture.   Most of the time other people in the group are enslaved by the same imprint and so do not appreciate our new behavior.  They want us back in our role and they will feel betrayed and confused that we are no longer playing.  As you can see, this is deep, hard work.  Change on this level is difficult and challenging.  Too many of my clients expect easy, graceful, magical change without these repercussions.  While that can happen in some instances, working at this level take tremendous courage and practice.  I say this not to be discouraging but to encourage my clients who are in the thick of dismantling sticky family and cultural imprints not to give up, to keep plugging through.  It is worth the effort to create a great foundation of supportive imprints and beliefs.  Then life does become easier and more magical.

We begin throwing off our predetermined fate and more options and outcomes become probable for us.  This is the heart of personal work.  I hope this helps to answer why this work can feel so hard and confusing. 

much love,

Elaine

The Empath and Self Sabotage

The past couple of weeks I have been working on an ebook just for the Empath and what it is like for the Empath to go on a conscious healing journey.  Most of you are subscribed to my blog because you are that Empath, or you love that Empath. One trouble spot the Empath commonly encounters is self-sabotage. We have a hidden belief that we should not succeed—that our success causes others suffering, or that we will be punished if we succeed. At the same time, we have so many projects and dreams that we desperately long to pursue and manifest. We can become stuck in a double bind of longing to pursue our creative endeavors but being sure that we will fail somehow.

Where does this belief come from? As I discussed in my ebook, Empath as Archetype, many Empaths were raised by Fans (Type Six on the Enneagram.) If we were raised by an unhealthy Fan, we had to make sense of crazy-making behavior, which in turn heightened our senses, helping us to become Empathic and intuitive. However, because unhealthy Fans are motivated to distract themselves from their fears, Fans tend to act in ways that do not make sense. Fans, in an attempt to avoid consciously knowing their fear and anxiety, come up with rationalizations for their crazy-making behavior that feels off to the Empath. As a consequence, the Empath tries to make sense of the situation and creates a faulty belief.

I have been working with a client who was raised by a Fan who suffered from OCD. Her mother had to be in control so that she wouldn’t come into contact with overwhelming fear and anxiety. Whenever my client during childhood wanted to do something that her mother did not want her to do because it would make her feel anxious, her mother made sure that my client would fail in the attempt. Then her mother would blame my client for the failure, with the unconscious motivation to ensure that her daughter would not trigger her anxiety again.

As an example, when my client was twelve years old she, like many kids, wanted to make a batch of cookies all by herself. Her mother hated to have any one in the kitchen but herself. Having anyone else there making a mess, opening the refrigerator, dirtying the oven, caused her terrible anxiety. However, her mother, who knew full well that it was normal for a twelve year old to want to bake in the kitchen, could not give her daughter a real reason for saying no. (Of course, her mother could have said, “No, honey, your baking in the kitchen makes me too anxious. I know that is unreasonable, I’ll get some help as soon as I can with my fears,” but most unhealthy Fans cannot admit to being fearful. So, my client was allowed to make cookies. But in the background her mother made sure to sabotage her daughter’s cookies so the batch turned out so badly that she would never want to make another attempt.

The belief my client took away from this was, “I should have never wanted to bake cookies. I should have never had insisted. It’s because I wanted to do this so badly that it came out badly. This is my fault. Because I wanted this and made it happen, it came out all wrong.” Now, did her mother intend for her to pick up this belief system? Of course not. She just didn’t want her daughter in her kitchen. But, like most Fans, she couldn’t directly tell my client so.

Because her mother couldn’t be direct, her daughter made up a faulty belief to make sense of the situation. There is nothing unusual about kids wanting to make cookies. But her mother sabotaged her daughter’s cookie dough because her own need to ameliorate her anxiety motivated her more than her need to support and encourage her daughter’s independence. My client took away from that experience that not only was she a bad cook, but that she shouldn’t do what she longed to do. What my client should have taken away from it was that her mother was anxious and angry about letting her make the cookies. My client did not notice the sabotage—what child can fathom that their parent is setting them up for failure?

This is the terrible curse of having an unhealed wound—we have to attend to our wound and the twisted need that it creates in us at the expense of other people, even our children. This is why we must work hard and attend these unhealed patterns in ourselves so we don’t continue to hurt ourselves and others. But here is what my client took away from this interaction, which was reinforced by many interactions over childhood. She internalized the saboteur.

It is very common, in fact, it is the goal of parenting, for our children to internalize parts of us, so that those parts keep our children civilized and also inspire them to pursue their gifts. However, so many of us internalize not just the gifts, but the wounds. My client who wants to write novels, paint watercolor, learn how to hike through the backcountry, has this awful sabotuer always at the ready to smash whatever dream she longs for. If she gets on a roll, then she can be sure that she will create something to trip herself up. She no longer needs her mother to do it—she learned the lesson so well that she does it to herself. The more her Heart thinks it is fun, thinks it is expansive, thinks it's a little risky, the harder the sabotage, the more she drags her feet, the more she blames herself for wanting to make that break out of what is really her mother’s rut into her own expansion.

It is to my client’s credit that she broke out anyway. During her teenagehood she had to be angry, demanding, and forceful to have the energy to overcome her mother’s fear and objections. It would be easy to continue to be angry at her mother, to blame her mother for her emotionally crippled state. However, it is important to realize that Fans become Fans because they feel so unsafe in the world. Her mother had good reason to feel unsafe—she was brought up in a family that didn’t have enough after war time, her natural mother died early, and she was raised in a family with several other children. Her mother, being a human being, was bound to come out wounded from those experiences.

This is simply an example of my client’s mother’s wounds passing to my client and setting up her own self-sabotage pattern. For my client to heal from this wound, it’s good to have the consciousness around where it came from, but more importantly it’s good to dismantle the belief system, get the soul retrieval done to bring back that part of her that wants to embrace life and have some crazy, out of the way, kind of fun; the soul retrieval returns the unwounded soul part that has never been sabotaged by her mother.

If you have a strong saboteur within you, and you are an Empath, take a look and see if your mother sounds like my client’s mother. The sabotage may not be as extreme as in this case, it may be more subtle and harder to pin point. Chances are that if you have a Fan as a mother, then you have a very strong saboteur. Realize that that voice inside of you comes from a weak and scared person who is not you! Realize that life doesn’t have to be boxed in like it has been—you can change this belief system and emerge ready to pursue your dreams.

Creativity and Growing Up

Most of us have heard that to be creative we must be in touch with our inner child, and that our inner child is the creative aspect of ourselves.  This is true.  But sometimes a big block to being creative is failing to grow up.  When clients come to me blocked in their creativity we look at how their beliefs and behavior have formed predictable outcomes.  More often than not, my client has the belief system of a child; he hasn’t yet fully grown up.  While he may be in his 40’s, parents to young children, or even a grandparent, these life events do not guarantee that he is a grown-up.

How does not growing up block our creativity?  To successfully create, we must be partnered with Spirit.  We are fully equal partners, not Spirit as above us in hierarchy and we below.  So many of us come to the conscious spiritual path with our parental issues still unhealed.  We look to Spirit to take care of us, to guarantee us a life of grace and flow.  In fact, what can happen is that Spirit pushes us into growing up, and this process can be very uncomfortable.

If we have a Heart’s Desire directed from our Soul, such as to make a big splash in the world by being a leader, or to write a best selling novel, or to sell a beloved screenplay, but we haven’t yet grown up, Life is going to put in our way opportunity after opportunity to become responsible for ourselves.  Many clients have told me this is too scary.  And yes, it is frightening.  Yes, it does require courage, yes, that means facing down fear, and yes that means we might fail.  Many clients have told me that this is not fair—this isn’t what the conscious Spiritual path promised.  These clients want the childish wish of success with no risk.  Of course it is much much easier to not grow up!  For a fully empowered creative life, growing up is required.

One of the pitfalls of working as a psychic and shaman is being put in the position of Rescuer and Good Mother.  Many a client who has not grown up wants me to be responsible for decisions, and they expect favorable outcomes.  Of course, the purpose of my life and practice is to be of service to others in empowering themselves, the complete reverse of unspoken expectations from clients unwilling to grow up.  When I point out to these clients that they need to start making decisions for themselves, they are usually shocked and resentful.  Most of these clients want me to tell them exactly what to do.  They want the guarantee of the successful life without feeling the burden of doing their own work.

We are all creative beings.  We all have a creative inner child.  That inner child needs proper guidance and parenting.  So many of us did not get that kind of support from our own parents, or we received good parenting for the survival or practical side of life, but creativity was labeled impractical or squashed.  We may have hurt and shaken inner children to guide.  We may have a fantastical, whimsical but totally flighty inner child.  It is up to us to guide our precious inner selves into manifesting what we love on the physical plane.  That requires a good parent; that requires us to be Grown Ups.

Growing up means that we make a decision and we accept the consequences.  Growing up means that we stop straddling fences and commit to our Hearts or that we accept that we aren’t willing to do so.  Growing up means that we look at our needs and the needs of others around us and take the whole picture into consideration instead of satisfying our own needs selfishly and justifying it as self-care or satisfying everyone else’s needs before our own and justifying that as being caring and reliable.  Growing up literally means being willing to make hard decisions even though they may be completely wrong and may lead to failure, disaster, and even death.  (Empaths love to block themselves with a little Drama!)

Growing up means becoming more Conscious.  Anyone who has done the work of staying Conscious will tell you that it is no fun, but it is totally worth it.  Creativity requires being in the moment, and requires being Conscious.  Creativity can be uncomfortable because as we create we come across all sorts of feelings, thought-forms, and bodily sensations that simply do not feel pleasant.  Not to mention the grip of being consumed by a creative project.  It is no wonder that so many creative people resist creating even though we love it and are driven to do it!  But, if we are Grown Ups, we show up and do the work to manifest our Dream and Vision despite the unhappy feelings, despite the negative thoughts, despite the physical discomfort, despite unsupportive friends, family, etc.  (Some of you may ask, does creating always feel this horrible?  Not always, but creativity requires going into the void, and human beings don’t like that because it is unknown and uncertain, which means scary and risky.)

Grown ups transcend the natural difficulties in a situation—as my husband likes to say, Grown ups Suck It Up and Deal!  When we come to accept that creativity can be difficult emotionally, challenging mentally, and full of risks, these obstacles cease to be so daunting.  We just get on with it instead.  We move forward a little bit, a little at a time.  Sometimes we will be inspired, sometimes we won’t be.  But the Grown Up gets out there consistently.  We are here to be creative.  That means that there must be some daily doing, which means that there must be some daily discipline, which means there must be some daily self-coaching.

Just like we send our kids to school every morning unless they are sick or feeling unsafe, we set our inner child to work on our creativity, with us as the Grown Up in charge.  This may seem harsh, unjust, and unfair.  This may not seem like bliss, ease, grace, and flow.  This may seem contrary to what the conscious spiritual path promised.  If you think so, let your inner child throw a tantrum, and then make the decision to Suck It Up and Get On With It!

Motivations of the Empath Ebook now Available

Hello Everyone!

I am very excited to announce that FINALLY my ebook on the Motivations of the Empath is now available.  I have been working on this collection of essays off and on for the past several years.  It's time to put it out there!  This is the ebook you want to read if you are an Empath and you want to understand what drives you and why.  In it I cover what our gifts and our binds are from an archetypal perspective.  I talk about how we can unravel our binds and move more fully into our creativity.  I also discuss how our family, especially our mothers, influenced us in unconscious ways that caused us to become more intuitive and highly aware than most other children, leading us to take on the Classic Empath Archetype.

Also included are descriptions of other Empath Archetypes, such as the Sensitive Scientist, the Empathic Hero, and the Giving Persona.  I cover why Empaths feel self-conscious, how to move past that into our creativity, how to be better communicators, how to give up fantasy and romance so we can have better relationships with our loved ones, how to deal with our need to fix and our tendency to be self-critical and more.

This ebook assumes an understanding of the drama triangle and basic shamanic concepts discussed in the earlier ebooks on those topics.  I'm looking forward to hearing your comments and I hope you enjoy!  Please click here to visit my shop.

much love,

Elaine

Leading with the Heart

When we are trying to create from the Soul, from the Heart, sometimes we can get tripped up by practicalities.  These practicalities are real; we need enough money, we need support, we need a life that’s not full of stress.  However, sometimes, practicalities can get in the way of tuning into what our Heart really wants.

When we tune into the Heart, we know what we must go for despite practicalities.  One way to think about this is to see that living from the Heart means no guarantee of an outcome.  So many times most of us want a guaranteed outcome of success.  But creative living always requires risk, which means a level of uncertainty.  We know we are in touch with our Heart’s Desire when we must go after it even if we fail.  We are unattached to outcome because the pursuit is the point.  Ironically, we are much more likely to succeed because our dream is powered by the Soul and by the Heart in the form of Courage.  Spirit likes to line up behind such dreams.

The way I like to test myself about whether a practicality is reasonable or not is to directly face the fears involved.  What is the worst that can happen?  Is that OK?  Is that fear reasonable?  Do I have to go for it anyway?  What is interesting is that I have clients that come to me full of practical reasons of why they choose not to pursue some goal or dream, but when we set all of those aside, usually the Heart wins out.

Recently I had a couples client.  The wife wanted to have another child, the husband did not.  Both understood the practicalities involved.  But the wife wanted another child despite it being an insane idea.  She knew there was no logical reason to have another child.  She felt overwhelmed much of the time with her child as it was, not to mention with the challenges of living with her husband who was very different from her.  But she wanted this child.

When I spoke to her husband, he didn’t want another child, mostly because of practicalities.  It didn’t feel responsible to bring another person into the family when their life was so complicated and conflicted as it was.  While both were doing their personal work to address challenges in their marriage, progress was slow and arduous.  How would another child fit?  These are very valid concerns.  But sometimes the valid concerns, while they need to be addressed, should not stop us.  I asked him, twenty years from now, would he regret that he didn’t have this second child, even if his marriage worked out, even if it didn’t work out?

The eye-opener for my client was to see that he would regret not having a second child even if the marriage did NOT work out.  He didn’t need a guarantee of happiness.  Something about having two children to complete his family was speaking to him from his Soul.  The Soul much of the time does not make logical sense.  Setting logic aside for the moment to come into touch with the Heart, he realized which direction he needed to take.

Now this couple can together jump into adding another child to their family.  They still must address the challenges of their marriage and continue to do their personal work.  But life is life.  This is it.  We must do what our Soul wants us to do here, or we are not truly living.  We must check in with the Soul first, then look at logic next.  Practical solutions to problems will then follow.  This is the path of creativity.  Let the Heart lead the way.

I'm Returning to Client Work

Hello Everyone!I hope summer fun is making its way towards you.  I've had a very interesting six months reshaping my practice and diving into my personal work.  I've just completed my second trip around the medicine wheel, and it's so nice to feel clear and feel ready to move forward once again.  As you know, I stopped taking clients last year.  I'm once again ready to take just a few clients through word of mouth referrals.  If you have worked with me in the past, and would like a session, I'm ready to hear from you.I'm also cruising along with my book on Relationships for the Empath.  This book combines shamanic personal work, Archetypes, and personal and client stories into a guide for Empaths so we can understand where we tend to trip up in our relationships.  I'm very excited about how this book is coming together.  Right now the plan is to publish as soon as possible on Amazon, with a CD set to go along with it for those Empaths that love listening more than reading.During this time off I've rediscovered how much I enjoy the work.  Part of my new practice is mentoring beginning shaman practitioners in client work, and spending more time documenting what I learn as I go.  I'm really looking forward to diving in once again.  In honoring the shift I've experienced, the website will soon have a different look, as well as this blog.  I hope you will enjoy it.much love,Elaine

Family System Reinforcement Essays

Hello Everyone! I hope you enjoy the labor day weekend.  Here in Portland we're planning on enjoying a bbq on Sunday despite the rain in the forecast.  I just love autumn! This week I've published several new essays on my website around Family System Reinforcement.  These essays follow one Empath through a Family System and show her path in healing from the typical Empath wounds of rejection and abandonment so she can form her own happy marriage and family.  If you are an Empath, these essays are for you.  If you are an emotionally dissociated Hero these essays may also be helpful in seeing how the Archetypes of Empath and Hero interact.www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htmThe new essays are toward the bottom of the page under the heading, Family System Reinforcement.Enjoy, and have a wonderful holiday weekend!much love,Elaine

The Empath and Archetype

Hi Everyone,I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful summer!  In Portland we're starting another thankfully short heatwave after a few weeks of cool days in the 70's.  I had an interesting synchronistic experience last week that I wanted to share with you.  As most of you know, when synchronicity is in action, Spirit is in action--we've stepped out of linear time and into circular time.  It's a cool and magical experience.  I had this plus the veil between waking time and dream time lift briefly to give me a glimpse into my own healing process.  What magic, but whoa!As all of you know I've been working on a series of essays to collect into a book for the past two years based on the healing journey of most Empaths.  What I've concluded from working with clients and from my own personal healing work is that Archetypal forces shape our lives more than we might think.  Our lives feel very personal to us (especially if we have the Archetype of Empath) but in the larger picture, we are living out similar archetypal patterns.  So, my book and my Empath Telecall have been centered around these archetypal forces so we can understand what is happening to us and step out of archetypal forces, or at least use the best parts of the archetype for our benefit.For the past three calls I have been pulling lessons out of my own personal story to illustrate the collective force of the Family, and how that force can be so strong we may not break free of it to lead the lives that we might choose for ourselves.  I had been afraid that I might step too strongly into my own personal story when it came to describing the archetype of the Fan, because in my past people with the Fan archetype have irritated and disappointed me greatly.  (The Fan is the archetype that is most concerned about the group and maintaining the group or family, even at the expense of the individuals involved.)The night before I held my telecall I had a dream in which tornados were taking out the buildings of my college campus.  I had looked behind me, and two tornados were tearing a building apart.  As I turned my head to the right, three more tornados were taking out another building.  Now I was terrified and afraid that I was going to be caught in the twisters and killed.  I started to run.  But, when I looked ahead of me, two more tornados were destroying yet another building.  In that moment I understood that I was not going to survive this, and my fear went away.  It was OK to let myself die.I woke up feeling well rested, oddly enough, given the dream!  Usually I do not know until the last minute who will be on these telecalls.  As it turned out in this call all the participants had Fan mothers (including me.)  The lecture that I had prepared was pertinent personally to each of them, and it made such a difference as to how they were viewing their relationships with their Fan mothers.  In fact, the call helped me understand my own mother, and the Fans in my husband's family better as well.  Spirit brought the right participants, and my worries about becoming too personal were unfounded; after all, I was talking about the collective's archetypal patterns.The next day my husband and I were at the park with our toddler son.  We were talking about the insights I had come to from giving my telecall, and how we could let the anger and guilt we still had at leaving his family system die.  While we were happy that we had escaped the powerful group think so we could have the lives that we really wanted, there were still parts of us that cycled between guilt and anger at having done so.  Of course, the remaining guilt and the anger are residues of the strength of influence the family group think had over us.As we talked about this, on my right, just out of my arms reach, a dust devil stirred up.  It swirled into a mini twister about a dozen feet tall, threw up bark chips in my hair, my husband's hair, then moved past me to my son and threw chips into his hair, then it chased a toddler across the park before dissipating.  We started laughing at this, given my dream of two days before.  We were getting cleaned out to the very roots, and not only had I seen it in dream time, I had seen it in waking time, too.  Progress in our healing made, with comfirmation from Spirit!I love working with Spirit!  Healing work is usually a mixture of hard work and joy at the freedom coming our way when we really step in to the path of power.  But for me, those meetings of Spirit making the huge signs are the most rewarding.  I hope this story helps you step in and claim those places where you are still giving your personal power away instead of using it for your own creativity and joy.much love,Elaine 

New Essays Available

Hello Everyone!I hope you all are enjoying your summer.  I am happy to say that I am feeling much much better, so much so that I've been able to return to writing, and to working one-on-one with clients on a limited basis.  Right now I'm able to take new clients for Intuitive Readings, but I'm limiting energywork sessions to those people who have worked with me on my Empath Telecall.  If you've been waiting for a reading, please let me know.I've published six new essays to the website for purchase.  The new essays are around our Soul's Calling, and the challenges of following a Spiritual path and being a co-creator with Spirit.  You can see these essays by visiting my website at this link: http://www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htm These essays are toward the bottom of the page, and labelled added July 23rd.  Many thanks to my clients for inspiring these essays and for letting me be a facillitator in their healing process!Also, I've posted a new essay at  around the challenges of giving up denial, especially when we may be still surrounded by other living in Illusion.  Sometimes we can wonder why we started on the path at all when life can feel excrutiating.  Denial is like an emotional immune system, keeping us happy when all is really not well.  For those of us on a Spiritual path, we consciously turn off that emotional immune system.http://www.elainelajoie.com/GivingUpDenial.htmI hope these are helpful.  For the rest of the summer I'll be focussing on finishing up those essays on Family Reinforcement, the Emotionally Dissociated Hero, the Fan, and the Empath.  Once those are complete, I will announce it here.  In the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy the website and the Empath Telecalls.much love,Elaine 

My practice is full, but I hope to take more clients soon.

Hi Everyone,As some of you already know, I've had to limit my practice because  I was ill for all of April and most of May.   Last year these health problems were directly related to working with heavy duty client energy.  But this year I discovered that these new health problems were more related to stepping into what the shaman calls destiny, which usually involves deathwork as we step into change.  So, until I figure out this next step in my personal work, I am accepting only those clients who have worked with me in the past or whom I've worked with on my Empath Teleconference Call.  I hope towards the end of the year to work with more of you, especially those of you who have requested intuitive readings.In the meantime, please use my site as a resource, and visit my links page to look for other coaches and shaman.  I highly recommend Greta Holmes, Hilda Porro, Marv Harwood, Irina Dittert, and Steven Encinas plus the others listed on my site are also very very good.   These are the people who work on me, so I know how gifted and connected to Spirit they are.There are now 7 audio conference calls and 11 essays for purchase on the website.  If you found my website because you were dealing with someone who is an Emotionally Dissociated Hero, and you found the free essay helpful, you'll find many of these essays and audios helpful, too.  Just go to workshops, click on the Empath Teleconference Call, and there will be a listing of what is now available.  I am also working on getting transcripts of the calls, since many people prefer reading those rather than listening.  I had hoped to have all the essays posted, but I have not had the chance to concentrate on writing.  I plan on having everything up by the end of the summer, and to have hardcopies available for purchase on amazon soon after that.In the meantime, I am travelling to Canada to study the Medicine Wheel with Marv Harwood in June.  This will be my second time through the wheel, and I am both looking forward to it, and also wondering how it will be this time around.  The medicine wheel is a process of transformation, so it is fitting to spend the year working through the wheel as I come to terms with what I am becoming as far as that destiny goes.  ;-)Many of you have sent me questions which I'll soon be able to answer here on the blog.  Have a wonderful summer, and I will appear here again very soon!much love,Elaine

Support for the Empath

Hi Everyone!I am happy to annouce that I have been able to record the Empath Telecall for those of you who are looking for support and insight into your intuitive gifts.  Right now there are two calls available for download, and the live calls are scheduled for the 1st and 3rd Fridays of the month.  Our next call is this Friday.  Please let me know if you'd like to join us.  Right now we've discussed how the Empath deals with input from others, basic protections, and we've just begun talking about the Drama Triangle and the Empath.  If you'd like to learn more, just go to my website and click workshops.  It's the first workshop listed.Here's to enjoying our Empathy and our intuitive gifts!Elaine

Who controls your consciousness?

Hi Everyone,Wow!  If you are an Empath, it's hard not to absorb the doom and gloom mentality of the group right now (or consensual reality, as shaman's like to call it)  It is precisely at times like these that we must remember that we are the authors of our own stories.  We are in charge of creating our lives.  That is, unless we give our power over to others, without even realizing that that is what we are doing.If you are scared and fearful right now, make sure that you aren't tapped in to the group consciousness.  Take back your power.  You may have to turn off the news or stop reading the paper for the next few months.  Instead, look at what you are creating in your life right now, look at what you have control over right now.  This is your focus--the rest of it really doesn't matter.But, is there anything that needs to change in your life?  Now is the best time to make those changes.  Is there anything out of alignment with your personal essence, your soul?  Now is the time to start the transition.  It's hard, because change always brings up fear, but moving forward now is so important.Many of my clients and friends are going through big shifts right now that they had put off for a few years.  None of us can get way with putting off our work, including the country as a whole, apparently!  But our focus needs to be more local.If you are in a tough spot, with a job loss, or a relationship on the brink, it is the perfect time to remember your creative manifestation skills.  It is the perfect time to take this time as an opportunity to connect back to the heart, the soul, and make those changes now.I have been filled with fear over the past few months--I've been absorbing the group think and also my beliefs about the pachakuti (2012) have been triggered.  It's been the perfect time for me to look at my own power, and what I want to create.  Looking at my life now, I've seen that I've done the work in my relationships and in my practice.  Everything is in pretty good alignment.  There's no reason that I won't be well supported like I always have because I've gotten those kinks out of the way.  Of course, there's no guarantee of this, but life is a risky business--but this was true before the financial crisis!  Taking stock at where I am, what I want to create in my life, I see all is well, and much of the fear subsides.  That is, until I look at the paper again!So make this a practice--Look to your own power when frightened, make sure you're in charge of your consciousness, regroup, reconnect to your soul, and go back to living your life supported by the Great Spirit.much love!Elaine