Creating Good Boundaries with My Partner and with Others

In a previous comment around taking on other people's energy, Jenna asked how I turn off taking on my husband's energy. Believe me, this is still a work in progress!!The first step is to become aware that I am taking on his energy in the first place. Many times, I get so wrapped up in processing his stuff, that I don't realize it is his and not mine. If I can get my head above water, I'll ask myself, is this my drama? The biggest clue for me that I'm processing my husband's stuff is that I can't resolve it on my own.For me, usually I can resolve my own conflicts, inner and outer, very quickly, because I don't mind conflict. But, when I'm processing another's stuff, it doesn't work out gracefully and causes problems like suddenly jumping into things that aren't really my business. So, if the "stuff" sticks around, I've learned to ask, "Is this really mine?" Especially if I start thinking all sorts of weird thoughts towards people that I wouldn't usually have a problem with.Very recently I discovered that I was carrying around my husband's anger that he was holding toward certain people in his familiy. For him, he's been taught/programmed that feeling anger, especially toward them, is not acceptable. For me, I come from a family that is not afraid of conflict, and in fact probably over-expresses their anger sometimes. ;-) However, because I'm not afraid of anger, and I have a healer's energy system, I'll gladly take on unconsciously whatever anger my husband doesn't want to deal with.When I figured out interaction out, I used a shamanic technique to send the anger/emotions back to my husband. I set the intention to collect all the energy that belonged to him that was not mine, and then I blew it back into his second chakra. My poor husband immediately felt anger. By my refusing to process it for him, he's starting the uncomfortable task of being in conflict and resolving his conflicts in a healthy way. He's also now learning to be comfortable with having the emotion in the first place, and learning what belief system and what woundings have come along with his anger. It's a huge task.Also, for the example where I had the symptoms of food poisoning the day after he did, I knew I was susceptible to taking on his stuff, and I set the intention to not take it on. Unfortunately I still did! But, another thing that we can do, if we feel that we are taking stuff on physically, is to put it into the symbollic or the mythic plane instead of our physical bodies. Many times I'll tune into a client, and tune into all their physical symptoms. One thing I can do instead is draw a tarot card and see symbollically what is going on with them if I know that they are experiencing heavy symptoms so my own body will not have to go through the same thing.Mostly, though, it is the intention to not process for the other, and to stay aware when I'm doing so. It takes practice!!Elaine