Support for the Empath

Hi Everyone!I am happy to annouce that I have been able to record the Empath Telecall for those of you who are looking for support and insight into your intuitive gifts.  Right now there are two calls available for download, and the live calls are scheduled for the 1st and 3rd Fridays of the month.  Our next call is this Friday.  Please let me know if you'd like to join us.  Right now we've discussed how the Empath deals with input from others, basic protections, and we've just begun talking about the Drama Triangle and the Empath.  If you'd like to learn more, just go to my website and click workshops.  It's the first workshop listed.Here's to enjoying our Empathy and our intuitive gifts!Elaine

Who controls your consciousness?

Hi Everyone,Wow!  If you are an Empath, it's hard not to absorb the doom and gloom mentality of the group right now (or consensual reality, as shaman's like to call it)  It is precisely at times like these that we must remember that we are the authors of our own stories.  We are in charge of creating our lives.  That is, unless we give our power over to others, without even realizing that that is what we are doing.If you are scared and fearful right now, make sure that you aren't tapped in to the group consciousness.  Take back your power.  You may have to turn off the news or stop reading the paper for the next few months.  Instead, look at what you are creating in your life right now, look at what you have control over right now.  This is your focus--the rest of it really doesn't matter.But, is there anything that needs to change in your life?  Now is the best time to make those changes.  Is there anything out of alignment with your personal essence, your soul?  Now is the time to start the transition.  It's hard, because change always brings up fear, but moving forward now is so important.Many of my clients and friends are going through big shifts right now that they had put off for a few years.  None of us can get way with putting off our work, including the country as a whole, apparently!  But our focus needs to be more local.If you are in a tough spot, with a job loss, or a relationship on the brink, it is the perfect time to remember your creative manifestation skills.  It is the perfect time to take this time as an opportunity to connect back to the heart, the soul, and make those changes now.I have been filled with fear over the past few months--I've been absorbing the group think and also my beliefs about the pachakuti (2012) have been triggered.  It's been the perfect time for me to look at my own power, and what I want to create.  Looking at my life now, I've seen that I've done the work in my relationships and in my practice.  Everything is in pretty good alignment.  There's no reason that I won't be well supported like I always have because I've gotten those kinks out of the way.  Of course, there's no guarantee of this, but life is a risky business--but this was true before the financial crisis!  Taking stock at where I am, what I want to create in my life, I see all is well, and much of the fear subsides.  That is, until I look at the paper again!So make this a practice--Look to your own power when frightened, make sure you're in charge of your consciousness, regroup, reconnect to your soul, and go back to living your life supported by the Great Spirit.much love!Elaine

Emotional Dissociation---Exposing the Dissociated Hero

I was just asked the question of whether it should be explained to the dissociated hero the motivations that lead her to be cold and unfeeling in her relationships.  My reader had found my essay on dissociated heroes and discovered that his girlfriend could be described as one.  Especially in a break up situation, explaining what is wrong with the hero is probably a bad idea.  While it can be a relief to discover the motivations behind a person's actions, especially when that person has hurt or aggravated us, we have to remember that people are defended for a reason.  To forcibly break down those defenses is in some ways very cruel.Of course, most Empaths are not attempting cruelty, they are attempting to bring clarity.  Empaths, who are very attached to clarity and authenticity and so tend to listen carefully to others' observations of them, have a tendency not to see that their efforts at explaining the faults of another when unasked are seen as an attack rather than as a help by the average person, and by the dissociated hero in particular.  If a break up has already occurred, chances are that the defended hero is not interested in learning more or becoming more self-aware.  Questions to ask before attempting to educate a former mate or best friend are, "Is this person aware of the affect her actions have on others, or does she react based upon how she believes the person should react according to his role?" "Does she normally just want to move onward and forward without looking back at the past?"   The answers to these questions will reveal how disconnected the Hero is from her inner self.  The more disonnected, the worse an explanation will be received. Most dissociated heroes are not interested in becoming self-aware.  That very self-awareness points them in the direction of their inner feelings of unworthiness.  If the Empath or the unwitting person decides to inform the dissociated hero of what motivates her, the Empath is likely to be attacked or even completely ignored in return.  If the Empath doesn’t mind the verbal and psychic abuse likely to head her way, konking the dissociated hero on the head with unwanted knowledge can be a sufficient release of frustration, and also has the added benefit in that the Empath can assuage any feelings of having not done enough to save the relationship.Perhaps in some cases a revelation might be helpful.  I have found this only to be true if the other, when not under stress, has committed to a lifetime of personal growth, and understands the challenges, AND when under stress walks his/her talk.  Even those that do commit to growth can reach their limits and simply may not be able to see past their own defenses.  This applies to all of us, not just dissociated Heroes.  Growth happens in its own time, and usually it happens most gracefully with the consent and inquiry of the one undertaking the growth.  So, as long as my reader is ready to take the consequences, it may be worth it to him to attempt to educate the Hero.I have to say, though, that when I was involved with a dissociated Hero, my attempts to educate her led to the break up of not just our friendship, but several other relationships in our group of mutual friends as well.  Not only that, but the information I gave the Hero fell on deaf ears in that years later she asked for my help in getting out the same sort of dramatic situation Heroes tend to create that I had complained of.  At the time her request for help was mindboggling, but that is how disconnected from reality dissociated Heroes can be.  People really do learn in their own time and sometimes not even with help, and not even with cold hard experience. Let me know if you have further questions or comments on this topic.  I know this is a hot one for Empaths, who are driven to be authentic and truthful, and fix whatever needs fixing.  Sometimes the motto to follow is to cause the least harm and let others to their own paths without our input, especially when it has been made clear that it is not wanted or valued.  Sometimes that entails simply cutting our losses and walking away, without the reconciliation and the understanding we might want, or they might want, given that we'll suffer damage by staying in the relationship. 

Soul Retrieval, Fluid Extractions, and Empathy

I recently received over email the question, "Could parts of a soul switch bodies?  I gave my strength to this girl I care about so she would be OK, and over time I haven't been the same person since.  Sometimes I have had psychic readings done and they have read what she went through and had done as if it had happened to me.  Would sould retrieval help me?" Without tracking this person, it's hard to say exactly what has happened.  However, if I were to take my best guess, I'd say that this person is probably very Empathic and took on much of this girl's energy.  That is why psychic readers read him as if he were her---her energy has literally overtaken his system.  While Soul Retrieval is probably a good idea (or at least a journey to the underworld to see what the contract is between these two people) what is most likely called for is a Fluid Extraction, in which the foreign energy is removed.  Then, depending on whether the relationship is still ongoing, a cord cutting and bands of protection are also good ideas, plus some basic training in keeping energetic boundaries intact. Many times we can take on the energy of our loved ones---they can appear as thought forms that can begin running our system and gain strength if we give it enough of our attention.   This can be highly confusing.  Rarely, a loved one may die and have trouble crossing over.  That loved one can become attached instead, and the person the loved one is attached to can suddenly develop physical symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors of the deceased.  A Fluid Extraction is also very helpful here, too, along with death rites to help the loved one cross over properly.let me know if you have further questions!Elaine

Questions about Dealing with Emotional Dissociation

Hello  I enjoyed your article on Intuitives, Empaths, and the Dissociated person.  I am traveling through a very difficult time in my life and have literally felt like I don't know what hit me.  I am an intuitive but just beginning my spiritual journey.  I am a scientist with an open mind and am finding so much truth in the spiritual side of life. I have been married for 12 years and although my wife is a great mother (we have two boys), I have discovered that I am in an abusive relationship - abusive emotionally.  I have discovered this after countless hours of research and reading and talking to many different people including a year of counseling (both with my wife and by myself).  My close family members have told me for years that things were not as I observed - I was ordered around and not loved or respected.  My wife is not a bad person, but we don't seem to function well together, unless I am taking care of all of the emotion.  We are different creatures.  I have felt like my energy has slowly been drained over the years and now I have nothing left to give to her.It appears that our marriage is over.  I have no desire to jump through the next higher layer of hoops to win her over.  We have both said that in our gut we know it is over.  We are separted but still sleeping in the same bed and this is the plan for a year.  I have withdrawn my emotional energy from her and I am feeling better, but at times she seems bitter.  I am preparing to move on, but finding I feel uneasy and lonely at times.I have two questions in relation to your article.  First, myself and others that I have shown this article to do not quite understand what is meant by the intuitive processing the dissociated persons emotional energy for them.   I can understand that my energy field has been drained, but not the processing part.The second part of my question is, is it better to stay in a dead-end relationship for kids sake or is it more important for my soul and that of my children (and even my wife's) to move on and be true to myself and hope to find another person of similar spirit?  I know similar people to me are out there, in fact I believe I met a soul mate of mine 10 years ago - we have been close friends since.   I know there are studies, some of which say it is best to stay together (for the kids sake), but others say it is best to show the kids true happiness, which can't be found in the current relationship.  So from a spiritual perspective, what is best for myself, my wife, and our kids?  I truly believe that my wife is dissociated and has deep emotional sadness and pain (which I can't get to in order to help), therefore the direction that I am heading appears to match what your article recommends - step out of the way gently, which I interpret to mean that I should move on (I am not suggesting that your article is telling me to leave my wife!).I know from my core that I must move on.  My counselor has told me this and he is helping me move in this direction - not pushing me but definately guiding me, my family has suggested this, my wife wants to.   I guess since I haven't done this before, it does terrify me, but I also know that I am happy on my own and will always be - alone or not, my happiness comes from within. I love life, my job, my kids, and the journey that I am just starting.  I am finding strength in my soul mate, friends, family, counseling, and wonderfully insightful articles such as this. I guess what I am looking for someone to tell me it is okay to move on, in fact it is the right thing to do.  I definately have the strength to do this, but it is incredibly difficult at times.  I know that you do not know me, so I am looking for a broader spiritual answer and not necessarily one specific to my situation.  I am mainly concerned about my children and how this will affect them.  I had hoped and expected to be with them every day of their childhood.Thanks for your time,NeoInsight

Empathy and Being a Scapegoat

Hi Everyone!I've published a new essay on my website around a very painful trap that Empaths can fall into; processing the emotional energy of not just one person, but of an entire group, and then being rejected by the group for holding all those unwanted emotions.  This can be horribly confusing and painful for the sensitive soul.  Here's the link: http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/Scapegoating.htm I hope this is helpful and you are enjoying the entrance of Summer!Elaine

Anger and Generational Imprints

One of the more common generational imprints I've seen within my practice are those in which Rage is passed down generation to generation.  Most of us understand that anger in itself is not a "negative" emotion, although most of us are uncomfortable expressing that emotion.  We've all had anger directed at us that when expressed has been done in such a way that causes damage all around.            Anger can be a force for good.  Most reform happens because someone and then a critical mass of people have become angry enough to stand up for themselves and enact change.  In fact, I tell my empathic clients not to be afraid of their anger for it is usually a signal that they have let their boundaries and limits be overrun by someone else.  Then we break down the incident so the empath can learn where her limits are so she does not have to become angry in similar situations.            In this way, Anger can be seen as a survival mechanism.  It can be very protective and helpful.  However, when we are enraged, that is usually because we have old bottled up anger that is ready to explode and wipe out everyone around us.  If this anger is generational, then not only do we have our own old anger, we have our ancestors' anger, too.  This sort of rage can be very hard to control, and we may need help understanding it, or we may need to understand why it became a part of the family contracts so we can rewrite those contracts in a way that serves us better.            There is usually some hidden benefit to becoming that angry.  The benefit may be that it keeps us from being totally overwhelmed by life circumstances.  It may be that it prevents us from dealing with grief or sadness that underlies the original anger.  In my own life, I have a very strong anger streak that runs through my father's side of the family.  We even call it the Moran family anger.  My great uncle, with humor and chagrin, told stories of how his aunts met in wagons at intersections out in Minnesota, and yelled, screamed, and insulted each other on the weekends.  My great aunt, this great uncle's wife, told stories of him throwing food around the kitchen when he wasn't satisfied with his dinner, and she also told stories of my grandmother angrily cutting off family members for tiny slights.  This was hard to picture, visiting their calm and tidy house with my great uncle's beautiful garden during the holidays, but I had seen my own father, normally quiet and introverted, fly into similar rages.            Needless to say, I was terrified of my own anger and that I, too, had inherited this curse.  I saw it play out with my father and my mother, and I did not want to have those outbursts myself.  But I did anway.  It took great practice to label my anger as my own responsiblity.  Each time I tried to say that that person "made" me angry, I had to very firmly take responsibility for my anger back to myself.  I had to ask myself, where did I allow my limit to be crossed?  Did I know my limits?  Was I inviting someone to fail so I could take a stab at them later?  Did they know what my expecations were, or was I expecting them to read my mind?            I also journeyed to take a look at what the benefit for my family was in holding all this anger.  There was a strong sense of justice that came along with it---that ancestors had been wronged in the past.  The anger gave them the strength to survive.  I had Irish ancestors that weren't well treated, and then later I had French Canadian and Native American ancestors that had continued that pattern.  But, the gift was clear---anger led to a sense of strength and endurance, and it also led to a sense of justice and fairness when it was not twisted into victimhood and blame.            So, in understanding the benefits of the generational imprint, I was able to honor the gifts my angry ancestors had given me, and discard all the rest.  It is still a practice to honor my anger, and express it without insult and on time when it does arise, so it doesn't blow into rages.            If you are suffering from unresolved rage, it might be generational.  It probably is if as a child you had an angry parent.  Soul Retrieval and Extraction Work will probably help a great deal.  Becoming conscious of the benefit of the anger will also help.  But ultimately, taking responsiblity for the anger, owning it completely, reminding ourselves that we are the ones responsible for our anger and our expressions of it puts the power directly in our hands.             As we practice taking responsibility for our anger, at first we will discover to our horror how much damage we have done to the people around us.  We have probably been holding our loved ones hostage if we have been blaming them for our anger.  They might have stopped speaking to us their real needs, thinking that all they will invite is an angry outburst.  They probably have their own resentments brewing since they do not feel safe enough to express them to us.  Or, they might have left entirely just to get away from the constant sense of danger.  They could also be so beaten down and victimized by our anger that they have given up entirely and tip toe around us, and then we may be angry at them for being so weak and cowardly.            The practice is, whenever we become angry, to step back and ask ourselves, where did this come from?  It is perfectly OK to say to the person with us, "I am so angry right now, I don't know what to do!"  Refrain from blaming (i.e. You are making me angry!)  If we need to leave because we know we are about to fly out of control, we can tell that to our companion, and go for a breath of air or leave the room.  Then, we can look at what limit has been reached.  What happened to trigger the anger?  Is there a need that can be met?  Is this old anger, or is it really something new?            With practice, we can move into conscious competence of this powerful emotion.  We no longer have to be frightened of the anger that lies within us, but can use it for self-discovery and personal power.

New Upcoming Workshop---children and parents

Hi All, I'm putting together a new workshop for parents of young children.  As a new mother myself, I am learning as I go!  This workshop will cover subjects such as how to create sacred spaces and containers for your children, how to keep your child heart connected so his intuitive and spiritual gifts stay intact, how to help the sensitive child (and the sensitive parent), how to help your children problem solve by tuning into your empathic gifts, and a few basics on energywork to help children and parents.  If you have topics you'd like to see discussed, please let me know!  I plan to have this workshop up and running by fall at the latest.  Stay tuned! Elaine

Drama and Empathy---Being a Rescuer

Hi Everyone,             The Drama Triangle is essential for Empaths and Spiritual Seekers to understand so we can avoid it and have more energy to create the lives that we really want. Practicing spotting when we are playing any of the three roles (Victim, Rescuer, Perpetrator) can help take us out of the drama triangle forever and into personal empowerment. Because the roles of  drama are archetypal (they are a part of our culture and group consciousness) they can be hard to notice when we are playing them.             Once the Empath comes to terms with the way he or she acts out a victim story, the next role to look at is the Rescuer.  This is the role that is the most confusing for Empaths.  Because empaths are easily hooked in to the emotional responses of others, and we are naturally compassionate, and because emotional energy is something that we are good at processing, we can find ourselves making others in our lives feel better by processing the others' emotions for them, or by trying to actively fix and find solutions for the others in our lives.  Although usually there are good intentions involved, rescuing usually does not work out well because it still leaves the victim disempowered and the rescuing empath depleted.            In more unhealed cases, rescuers can get themselves into trouble by making themselves necessary to the victim's life.  More common for the Empath is the times when we are not aware that we are playing the role of rescuer, and we discover ourselves in a relationship where we find we are considered necessary to another, even though we haven't chosen this for ourselves.  Then we can find ourselves feeling trapped and unable to figure out how to escape.            In fact, whatever victim we have attracted to ourselves has expectations on how we should behave as rescuer.  When we don't come through for this person the way she expects, she can become very angry with us and blame us for a failed rescue.  (The rescuer now becomes the perpetrator in the victim's eyes for the failed rescue.)  From the rescuer's perspective, we are in danger of thinking of ourselves as a victim of the angry victim's blame and demands, and so the original victim we were supposed to rescue has become the perpetrator.  If we do not catch ourselves at this point, we can continue this cycle of switching places on the drama triangle, creating discomfort and pain for everyone involved.            The way out of this, if we tend to be rescuers, is to make sure that our support is not crossing the line into the other person's power.  If we unwittingly attract a victim person to us, in some cases once we notice we are in this pattern, we can mention what we see, and if the person is conscious enough and willing enough, she may step out of their victim pattern.  In other cases we may have to weather a brief storm from her for failing to rescue the victim the way she would like us to, but if we hold still, the storm will pass and the victim will move on to finding a better rescuer.  And then we will be the wiser and stop the pattern earlier the next time. It's a practice!!!Elaine

Manifestation and the Power of the Spoken Word

Hi Everyone,Have you watched the DVD, the Secret, that is so popular right now?  Very fun, very inspiring, very simple.  Why can't we all manifest what we want?  Why are so many of us having so much trouble with this topic?  Well, one stumbling block I've noticed to creatives manifesting their dream is a misuse of their words.  When we are on the spiritual path, our karma starts coming back to us quickly.  So, if we've been in the bad habit of not using our words impeccably, we can create chaos in our lives as our external world immediately starts reflecting those creative words back at us.  It's a time to be vigilant in what we are saying!!!  If we are in the habit of commiting to events, to appointments, to others, and then we cancel at the last minute, the external world will offer us a nearly completed dream, and then at the last minute will "cancel" it on us.  This is a simple reflection---what we put out comes back to us.  When we commit to a spirit-based life, the law of karma acts quickly! If you are suffering from dreams that fall apart at the last minute, take a good look at your words and to if you hold yourself to your commitments or if you tend to cancel in the 11th hour.Elaine

Empaths & Weight

I have recently made the connection between being an Empath and taking on extra body weight. I never noticed this before and I wonder why it isn't discussed more in the weight-loss communities. Are people aware of it? I know it is common for victims of sexual abuse to become obese which makes sense. (Oprah's story is one that comes to mind). I also noticed before that many massage therapists are often more heavyset. Is this because by touching people they automatically process more of their stuff and need a barrier?I also have my own recent experience with finally losing a significant amount of weight that I had had for years. The catalyst in me losing it was actually a HUGE fight I had with my father while visiting. Immediately after the fight I flew home and felt a blow in my 3rd chakra as though a physical cord had been severed and that a significant separation had involuntarily occured--after butting heads with my father for years. While I didn't make the connection until much later, it was very shortly after this that I felt pulled to go to a Weight Watchers meeting. Once I made that commitment, losing the weight was not all that difficult. It seems as though all the elements were in place.Throughout the process and even now I look back and notice how weight is a protective layer. I recently heard someone say that overweight individuals are in "protective" mode. What is it protecting us from?It wasn't until a session with Elaine when the other puzzle piece came together. I learned I was an empath and as a result I process other peoples emotions and "stuff", subconsiously. Finally a name to what I'd been feeling all this time! This is why I always was so tired, especially around people. Being tired makes me feel like I need more "fuel" which makes me eat more than is necessary, which makes me gain weight, which gives me the protection I needed. A-ha! It's all linked together.For me, I can see that my father is the person who I had always tried to help emotionally, taking on his stuff, always trying to fix it, make him feel better, etc.. While never being able to. The funny thing is, I think my father is exactly this same way!This has made me think about so many other Empath issues and I wonder if cigarette smokers do it to push people away because they "can't handle" life?I'd love to learn more about this if anyone has any insights!

Boundaries, Speaking our Needs

Hi Everyone,I had a client ask me recently what to do when a roommate invites a houseguest over for a 10 day stay during the holidays in an already crowded apartment. My client is highly intuitive and sensitive, and also gives readings, which means she needs considerable down time. Her question was how to handle the situation, and whether or not there was more she could do energetically to protect herself during this time, or if she should just plan on staying somewhere else.Sometimes the best energetic boundary is speaking up for ourselves and our needs. Empaths know they have a different set of needs than most people, and so we can get the idea that our needs don't count as much because they seem unreasonable or too different from the rest of the world. Learning how to speak our needs unapologetically is a basic step in proper self-care. Yes, we take the first scary step in admitting who we are, but how else are people to truly know us?Empaths and intuitives tend to withdraw from this type of situation. A while back I wrote an essay on the need to speak up and the unconscious tendency of sensitive people to withdraw instead of communicate. You can visit that essay atIntuitive, Introverted PatternIn the end my client spoke to her roomate about discussing before hand any more extended visits. Her roommate did not "get" the problem, but because she respected her relationship with my client, agreed. My client was pleasantly surprised and took this as a lesson in her process of learning to claim and take care of who she really is.Elaine

Creating Good Boundaries with My Partner and with Others

In a previous comment around taking on other people's energy, Jenna asked how I turn off taking on my husband's energy. Believe me, this is still a work in progress!!The first step is to become aware that I am taking on his energy in the first place. Many times, I get so wrapped up in processing his stuff, that I don't realize it is his and not mine. If I can get my head above water, I'll ask myself, is this my drama? The biggest clue for me that I'm processing my husband's stuff is that I can't resolve it on my own.For me, usually I can resolve my own conflicts, inner and outer, very quickly, because I don't mind conflict. But, when I'm processing another's stuff, it doesn't work out gracefully and causes problems like suddenly jumping into things that aren't really my business. So, if the "stuff" sticks around, I've learned to ask, "Is this really mine?" Especially if I start thinking all sorts of weird thoughts towards people that I wouldn't usually have a problem with.Very recently I discovered that I was carrying around my husband's anger that he was holding toward certain people in his familiy. For him, he's been taught/programmed that feeling anger, especially toward them, is not acceptable. For me, I come from a family that is not afraid of conflict, and in fact probably over-expresses their anger sometimes. ;-) However, because I'm not afraid of anger, and I have a healer's energy system, I'll gladly take on unconsciously whatever anger my husband doesn't want to deal with.When I figured out interaction out, I used a shamanic technique to send the anger/emotions back to my husband. I set the intention to collect all the energy that belonged to him that was not mine, and then I blew it back into his second chakra. My poor husband immediately felt anger. By my refusing to process it for him, he's starting the uncomfortable task of being in conflict and resolving his conflicts in a healthy way. He's also now learning to be comfortable with having the emotion in the first place, and learning what belief system and what woundings have come along with his anger. It's a huge task.Also, for the example where I had the symptoms of food poisoning the day after he did, I knew I was susceptible to taking on his stuff, and I set the intention to not take it on. Unfortunately I still did! But, another thing that we can do, if we feel that we are taking stuff on physically, is to put it into the symbollic or the mythic plane instead of our physical bodies. Many times I'll tune into a client, and tune into all their physical symptoms. One thing I can do instead is draw a tarot card and see symbollically what is going on with them if I know that they are experiencing heavy symptoms so my own body will not have to go through the same thing.Mostly, though, it is the intention to not process for the other, and to stay aware when I'm doing so. It takes practice!!Elaine