Overcoming Our Ingrained Patterns

These past few weeks I’ve had several women email me about problems they have been having with other women.  These cases were interesting because they each involved a generational imprint that was passed from mother to daughter.  While the imprint causes problems and misunderstandings in the mother-daughter relationship, it also leads to those problems being projected onto other relationships with women. 

When I work with my clients long term, I have my clients get to know their imprints or patterns intimately.  The reason for this is so that they can gain enough consciousness to change at least one little action in the pattern the next time it arises.  Each change little by little leads to a dismantling of the pattern.  Catching ourselves before we can take the actions that lead to the unhappy outcome becomes a practice.  It’s a difficult, confusing practice because our intuition and our instincts are inaccurate when it comes to navigating the pattern—otherwise we would have mastered it long ago and we wouldn’t need to consult a shaman.  Deliberately questioning our instincts when we’ve worked especially hard to accept our intuitive side can be highly confusing.

This is why each of us must get to know our patterns and how we tend to project those onto our relationships.  The place to start when we notice a pattern (an outcome that has repeated three times) is to ask ourselves when we first experienced the pattern or felt the feelings in the pattern.  Usually it stems from early wounds in childhood—many times because of a misunderstanding or a trauma inflicted by one of our parents, intentionally or not.  Many times these traumas are handed down generation after generation, so that energetically, emotionally, and mentally they carry the extra force of our lineage.

In one case this week, one woman had worked hard on a mother issue that manifested as her giving her power away to other women she thought of as peers.  Somehow the relationship would turn from one of peers to one with her in the one-down position as either lowly apprentice or mentee.  The outcome of this pattern was that she rejected the woman who put her in the one down position while feeling betrayed and embarrassed.  To prevent this pattern from manifesting the same outcome of suffering and a broken relationship, we had to look at where it came from.

This client had a withholding, selfish mother.  As a consequence my client consciously and unconsciously sought approval but was usually shot down by her mother.  Without knowing it my client put these other woman peers in the mother-position.  Usually what would happen is that she would ask for advice in an area especially dear to her heart, expecting to be treated as a peer.  But the advice hardly even felt like it came from a peer.  Somehow the other woman wound up in a more powerful position than my client and abused that power.  Part of this is vibrational, (after all, she unconsciously came to these relationships as a supplicant for her mother’s approval), but we also looked at how my client asked for and received the advice.

She had to assume that she was going to set the situation up unconsciously to unfold so that the other woman would belittle her.  While an important and essential part of healing this pattern was to work directly with her own relationship with her mother with soul retrieval and underworld work, my client had to carefully look at how she operated within peer relationships with other women at the literal level as well.  With these deeply ingrained patterns, ones that we’ve been living out for several decades, we have a sort of body-memory that we must overcome.  We must also look at what we do, think, and feel as the pattern unfolds.

My client had to assume that when she felt betrayed, annoyed and confused the pattern was in play and that she wasn’t seeing the other woman clearly.  Walking away from the relationship was the last step in the pattern.  Did she really want that outcome this time or could it be avoided?  Much of the time the pattern came about because she was asking for advice as a peer, but the advice came back with her in the one down position.  She had to look at how she was asking for advice.  What language did she use?  Was her subtext one of supplicant asking for a favor?  Was she inviting a shift from peer to mentee?  Changing her language so that she remained in a strong peer position also helped.

One aspect of the mother-daughter relationship that my client didn’t see without outside help from her shaman was that her mother had her own insecurities that she projected onto her daughter.  Because these patterns have a strong energetic component, my client’s pattern meant that unconsciously my client would pick a peer that was likely to project her insecurities onto my client and then put my client down, just like her mother did.  To be on the receiving end of this would be no fun for anyone, so it wasn’t a big surprise that my client ultimately walked away from these relationships.  However, before she walked away she spent considerable time wondering if she were imagining the abuse of power when everything had begun so nicely.

However, walking away without consciousness around the pattern only set up the next iteration to manifest in the same way.  Unconsciously my client was looking for perfect advice from a perfect mother-substitute, but was doomed to disappointment because no one can give perfect advice and no one can be a perfect mother.  The rejection of her mother took place through other women but wasn’t a resolution because the original wounds and unconscious beliefs weren’t healed.  Doing the soul retrieval and underworld work helped to heal those wounds and beliefs, but now she had to work on taking different actions when the pattern unwound itself again.

The same feelings and thoughts arose when the pattern came up again, but the difference that next time was that my client could say to herself, “This is the pattern.  I’m in a peer relationship with a woman that I really like.  At some point I’m going to set this up so that she’ll project her insecurities on to me, and then I’ll have reason to reject her.  I’m going to be aware for each of these stages.”  As my client practices she catches herself at the last stage and can avoid rejecting the friend but sets better boundaries about asking for advice. 

In the following iteration she catches herself feeling those feelings of betrayal but notices in time that in a peer relationship she can take advice or leave advice, but she shouldn’t shoot the messenger and so manages to not act on those hurt feelings.  In a later iteration she might catch herself asking for advice but then notice that she herself has set herself up as a mentee instead of a peer.  In a later iteration she might notice that she’s picking insecure women to be peers with even though they might be highly qualified in their fields.  She might then choose not to get too close to them or she might not be completely taken by surprise when those women project those fears and insecurities outward.  Each iteration of the pattern is an opportunity to master the pattern until finally it is broken and my client has taken her power back.  She’s also managed to grow up a part of herself that still needed approval from her mother.

Sometimes we have experiences with soul retrieval and underworld work that are so spectacular that the energywork session clears everything up on the emotional, mental, and literal levels.  I love those.  But, with an unhappy pattern that’s become well ingrained by taking action again and again in the literal world, it usually takes several practice attempts at the pattern to fully unwind it.  Staying conscious, giving ourselves a break for having to practice at it, and making those small changes again and again means that we heal our lives and give ourselves freedom.

Next blog post, an example of a mother-daughter imprint shifting to the next generation and how to prevent that outcome. 

The Dangers of the Pedestal

Hi Everyone!

This week I've had two people ask me questions about relationship issues that all stemmed from a pattern of behavior that I like to call Putting Others on a Pedestal.  In one case one person was put on the pedestal and viciously knocked off, in the other case, a person who had an old pattern of putting women on a pedestal needed a little clarity around what was her part in the relationship blip, and what was her friend's part.  These questions, and another around how to end a relationship that's mired in Drama with as little drama as possible led me today to post an ebook for sale on in my shop called The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal. 

In this ebook I talk about how important doing our Shadow Work is so that we don't project our old wounds onto the people around us.  I also talk about the most common wound, the Mother Wound, and how that wound, when severe, can lead to this painful Pedestal Pattern in which we fall in love with a guru, partner, or best friend, then become terribly disillusioned and attack the person for failing us.  Once we heal our wounds and step into full maturity and power ironically we become easy targets for others to put US on pedestals.  I cover an example of how a non Empath can do this, and how confusing and crazy-making this behavior is for the unwitting Empath.  I hope this ebook will be helpful to you!  Here's a brief introduction:

As Empaths we can easily fall into the role of Rescuer because we tend to be good listeners, we tend to be supportive and accepting, and in general we hold a safe emotional space for others because we are so in touch with our emotional bodies.  We tend to be healers and confidantes for our friends and family without realizing that is the role we are cast in.   However, a warning sign that a relationship is headed for Drama is when one of us in the relationship is putting the other on a pedestal.

When this happens to me with a client, I am sure to point out to them their own power and magnificence.  I also ask if they realize that they are putting me on a pedestal.  With the clients who can see that, we have a basis of continuing to work together because they are conscious of their positive shadow projected onto me.  If they aren't able to see how they are projecting, I will usually refer these clients to colleagues with a strong background in counseling rather than coaching.   

The reason for this is that the projection of positive shadow (the person on the pedestal is soooo wonderful) can turn very quickly into a projection of negative shadow when the person is revealed to have limits.  Usually the fall from the pedestal is pretty spectacular.   If we have been buying into that positive projection the switch to the negative projection can be very painful and confusing. 

The clue for choosing a new client relationship became, how much was this client expecting from me?  How good were this client's boundaries?  How much did this client like me and express that feeling given our professional relationship?  Had this client done any work already to choose self-responsibilty over Victimhood at all times?  These are good questions for all Empaths working on their own boundaries to ask themselves before they enter into a relationship. 

 If a potential friend or client expresses lots of flattery, gives gifts, or tells me they want to be friends after our work together in the first session or two, this is a strong indication that this person has a severe Mother Wound and will need lots of counseling in addition to Soul Retrieval and Underworld Work.

Most of us do put others on a pedestal.  Really, it is the degree to which we do it that determines if it is normal or unhealthy.  Most clients I work with do love and appreciate the work that I do.  That is fine.  And it is fine to enjoy the positive projection, but I have learned to not take it personally.  Because, sure enough, the negative projection will soon follow, and that can't be taken personally, either.

However, for unhealthy people who have not taken full responsibility for themselves, moving into Bully position after they have knocked the person off the pedestal feels fully justified.  For the person that has just fallen off the pedestal, she is in for a stream of psychic attack at the least and violence at the worst.  It can be very scary and confusing to be in that position.  The only healthy way out of it is to ride out the storm at that point, take care of the self, but not engage any of the archetypal positions on the triangle.

In my new ebook, The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal I cover the basic pattern of Empaths putting others on a Pedestal.  I also describe what it is like for another Enneagram Archetype, the Black and White Thinker to put an Empath on a pedestal, and how dangerous that can be for the Empath.  I hope you will find this ebook helpful and useful in deciphering your own relationships.

much love,

Elaine

Leading with the Heart

When we are trying to create from the Soul, from the Heart, sometimes we can get tripped up by practicalities.  These practicalities are real; we need enough money, we need support, we need a life that’s not full of stress.  However, sometimes, practicalities can get in the way of tuning into what our Heart really wants.

When we tune into the Heart, we know what we must go for despite practicalities.  One way to think about this is to see that living from the Heart means no guarantee of an outcome.  So many times most of us want a guaranteed outcome of success.  But creative living always requires risk, which means a level of uncertainty.  We know we are in touch with our Heart’s Desire when we must go after it even if we fail.  We are unattached to outcome because the pursuit is the point.  Ironically, we are much more likely to succeed because our dream is powered by the Soul and by the Heart in the form of Courage.  Spirit likes to line up behind such dreams.

The way I like to test myself about whether a practicality is reasonable or not is to directly face the fears involved.  What is the worst that can happen?  Is that OK?  Is that fear reasonable?  Do I have to go for it anyway?  What is interesting is that I have clients that come to me full of practical reasons of why they choose not to pursue some goal or dream, but when we set all of those aside, usually the Heart wins out.

Recently I had a couples client.  The wife wanted to have another child, the husband did not.  Both understood the practicalities involved.  But the wife wanted another child despite it being an insane idea.  She knew there was no logical reason to have another child.  She felt overwhelmed much of the time with her child as it was, not to mention with the challenges of living with her husband who was very different from her.  But she wanted this child.

When I spoke to her husband, he didn’t want another child, mostly because of practicalities.  It didn’t feel responsible to bring another person into the family when their life was so complicated and conflicted as it was.  While both were doing their personal work to address challenges in their marriage, progress was slow and arduous.  How would another child fit?  These are very valid concerns.  But sometimes the valid concerns, while they need to be addressed, should not stop us.  I asked him, twenty years from now, would he regret that he didn’t have this second child, even if his marriage worked out, even if it didn’t work out?

The eye-opener for my client was to see that he would regret not having a second child even if the marriage did NOT work out.  He didn’t need a guarantee of happiness.  Something about having two children to complete his family was speaking to him from his Soul.  The Soul much of the time does not make logical sense.  Setting logic aside for the moment to come into touch with the Heart, he realized which direction he needed to take.

Now this couple can together jump into adding another child to their family.  They still must address the challenges of their marriage and continue to do their personal work.  But life is life.  This is it.  We must do what our Soul wants us to do here, or we are not truly living.  We must check in with the Soul first, then look at logic next.  Practical solutions to problems will then follow.  This is the path of creativity.  Let the Heart lead the way.

Creativity and Expansion

I was talking to my mentor, Greta Holmes, yesterday about the discomfort I've been feeling around changing my practice.  As I've looked back on my life, I see that I go through these cycles of expansion as I move into my creativity.  I had been feeling in somewhat of a double bind, because the emotional signals to expand are so uncomfortable: first boredom as what I am currently doing no longer feels like enough, then anxiety at the thought of what it would take to dive into something new or dive into that creative side once again.  Sure enough, one of my coping mechanisms for dealing with these uncomfortable emotions is to eat lots of chocolate.The trick for me is to realize that this is part of being a creative being.  Expansion will come, and I have to use those emotional signals (and as Empaths we are SO in touch with our emotions) to let me know that what is before me is a decision--sit still or move forward.  The most painful part of this cycle is to not decide.  Once I decide, then the emotions subside, and all that energy that was going into them can go into my creativity.I find this very exciting as I move away from one-on-one work into more writing, but scary as well.  Here's to hoping that you will break yourself free from the status quo when boredom and then anxiety hits you.  Remember, it's all good, it's a sign that you are evolving!much love,Elaine

The Power of Story and Projection

Hi Everyone, Fall has finally arrived here in Portland bringing with it an end to 80 degree days and sunshine.  I so love this change in season!  In the past several weeks I've noticed two topics come up with my clients repeatedly--identification with a Story, and Projection of the conclusions of that Story out onto others.  So, I thought I would discuss this more in the Empath Telecall; the next one is this Friday at noon pacific time.  These two topics of so important because we create our lives through our Stories and our Beliefs, and we have so much external reinforcement of our Stories and Beliefs that they begin to feel like facts rather than something that we have control over and can personally change.From the shaman's perspective, once we get to know our Story, we can change it and use a different, more empowering story, which manifests our lives in a better way for us.  Some of these disempowering stories become so embedded in our system that we need help digging out those stories and their beliefs.  But once we understand our stories and our patterned way of thinking about ourselves, we gain more control of our lives.  Empaths in general have a typical group of stories that we like to tell ourselves.  We tend to have great imaginations and live in fantasy and romatic story, we tend to need rescuing (which leads to problems with personal responsibility), or we tend to waste time rescuing others (the flip side of the Drama Triangle), we tend to be perfectionists which leads us to be painfully self-conscious, and we tend to have tragic stories that lead us to concentrate on the past sorrowfully instead of move forward into our creativity.  As we become healthy, we can change these stories around and gain strength and wisdom from them instead.Most of us have experienced traumas or unhappy experiences in our past that stuck with us for so long, that they repeat themselves in our current life.  We tend to interpret our current experience through these past experiences, and draw similar conclusions.  In psychology, this is called projection.  From the shaman perspective, however, projection is also a energetic and vibrational experience as well, meaning that we will in the literal plane draw to us the players that we need to play out the roles in our particular story and make it very easy to project.  If we have a pattern that plays out repeatedly, the shaman can help dismantle it, and teach the client how to recognize the pattern and the typical projection that comes with it.  This is hard hard personal work because when each of us project unconsciously, it seems like the world is the way it is, rather than it originating from us--it is a blind spot for us, although it might be quite obvious what the blindspot is for others looking in!  But from the shaman perspective, each of us is the source of our reality, and each of us is responsible for everything that we create. This is both frightening and empowering, because it means that by changing our internal world, we can change our literal external world for the better.  All we need to do is start with ourselves and our own innerworld.  This is good news for the Empath who loves looking at the innerworld, but it is also a challenge.  Some of our most powerful patterns come from our family system.  We take on our role in the family and the belief system, and if we do not become conscious, that belief system can so run our lives that we do not have much choice in how our lives unfold.  However, breaking out of a family belief system can be incredibly painful and confusing, depending on how unhealthy the belief system was for us, and how ingrained our family members will still be in holding it together.  The pull from these types of patterns can literally feel like they have a life force all their own.If you'd like to learn more, or share your personal experiences with these topics, please feel free to join me on Friday, or write to me here on my blog.  Here's to doing the personal work in order to live a happy and free life!much love,Elaine

The Empath and Archetype

Hi Everyone,I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful summer!  In Portland we're starting another thankfully short heatwave after a few weeks of cool days in the 70's.  I had an interesting synchronistic experience last week that I wanted to share with you.  As most of you know, when synchronicity is in action, Spirit is in action--we've stepped out of linear time and into circular time.  It's a cool and magical experience.  I had this plus the veil between waking time and dream time lift briefly to give me a glimpse into my own healing process.  What magic, but whoa!As all of you know I've been working on a series of essays to collect into a book for the past two years based on the healing journey of most Empaths.  What I've concluded from working with clients and from my own personal healing work is that Archetypal forces shape our lives more than we might think.  Our lives feel very personal to us (especially if we have the Archetype of Empath) but in the larger picture, we are living out similar archetypal patterns.  So, my book and my Empath Telecall have been centered around these archetypal forces so we can understand what is happening to us and step out of archetypal forces, or at least use the best parts of the archetype for our benefit.For the past three calls I have been pulling lessons out of my own personal story to illustrate the collective force of the Family, and how that force can be so strong we may not break free of it to lead the lives that we might choose for ourselves.  I had been afraid that I might step too strongly into my own personal story when it came to describing the archetype of the Fan, because in my past people with the Fan archetype have irritated and disappointed me greatly.  (The Fan is the archetype that is most concerned about the group and maintaining the group or family, even at the expense of the individuals involved.)The night before I held my telecall I had a dream in which tornados were taking out the buildings of my college campus.  I had looked behind me, and two tornados were tearing a building apart.  As I turned my head to the right, three more tornados were taking out another building.  Now I was terrified and afraid that I was going to be caught in the twisters and killed.  I started to run.  But, when I looked ahead of me, two more tornados were destroying yet another building.  In that moment I understood that I was not going to survive this, and my fear went away.  It was OK to let myself die.I woke up feeling well rested, oddly enough, given the dream!  Usually I do not know until the last minute who will be on these telecalls.  As it turned out in this call all the participants had Fan mothers (including me.)  The lecture that I had prepared was pertinent personally to each of them, and it made such a difference as to how they were viewing their relationships with their Fan mothers.  In fact, the call helped me understand my own mother, and the Fans in my husband's family better as well.  Spirit brought the right participants, and my worries about becoming too personal were unfounded; after all, I was talking about the collective's archetypal patterns.The next day my husband and I were at the park with our toddler son.  We were talking about the insights I had come to from giving my telecall, and how we could let the anger and guilt we still had at leaving his family system die.  While we were happy that we had escaped the powerful group think so we could have the lives that we really wanted, there were still parts of us that cycled between guilt and anger at having done so.  Of course, the remaining guilt and the anger are residues of the strength of influence the family group think had over us.As we talked about this, on my right, just out of my arms reach, a dust devil stirred up.  It swirled into a mini twister about a dozen feet tall, threw up bark chips in my hair, my husband's hair, then moved past me to my son and threw chips into his hair, then it chased a toddler across the park before dissipating.  We started laughing at this, given my dream of two days before.  We were getting cleaned out to the very roots, and not only had I seen it in dream time, I had seen it in waking time, too.  Progress in our healing made, with comfirmation from Spirit!I love working with Spirit!  Healing work is usually a mixture of hard work and joy at the freedom coming our way when we really step in to the path of power.  But for me, those meetings of Spirit making the huge signs are the most rewarding.  I hope this story helps you step in and claim those places where you are still giving your personal power away instead of using it for your own creativity and joy.much love,Elaine 

My practice is full, but I hope to take more clients soon.

Hi Everyone,As some of you already know, I've had to limit my practice because  I was ill for all of April and most of May.   Last year these health problems were directly related to working with heavy duty client energy.  But this year I discovered that these new health problems were more related to stepping into what the shaman calls destiny, which usually involves deathwork as we step into change.  So, until I figure out this next step in my personal work, I am accepting only those clients who have worked with me in the past or whom I've worked with on my Empath Teleconference Call.  I hope towards the end of the year to work with more of you, especially those of you who have requested intuitive readings.In the meantime, please use my site as a resource, and visit my links page to look for other coaches and shaman.  I highly recommend Greta Holmes, Hilda Porro, Marv Harwood, Irina Dittert, and Steven Encinas plus the others listed on my site are also very very good.   These are the people who work on me, so I know how gifted and connected to Spirit they are.There are now 7 audio conference calls and 11 essays for purchase on the website.  If you found my website because you were dealing with someone who is an Emotionally Dissociated Hero, and you found the free essay helpful, you'll find many of these essays and audios helpful, too.  Just go to workshops, click on the Empath Teleconference Call, and there will be a listing of what is now available.  I am also working on getting transcripts of the calls, since many people prefer reading those rather than listening.  I had hoped to have all the essays posted, but I have not had the chance to concentrate on writing.  I plan on having everything up by the end of the summer, and to have hardcopies available for purchase on amazon soon after that.In the meantime, I am travelling to Canada to study the Medicine Wheel with Marv Harwood in June.  This will be my second time through the wheel, and I am both looking forward to it, and also wondering how it will be this time around.  The medicine wheel is a process of transformation, so it is fitting to spend the year working through the wheel as I come to terms with what I am becoming as far as that destiny goes.  ;-)Many of you have sent me questions which I'll soon be able to answer here on the blog.  Have a wonderful summer, and I will appear here again very soon!much love,Elaine

Support for the Empath

Hi Everyone!I am happy to annouce that I have been able to record the Empath Telecall for those of you who are looking for support and insight into your intuitive gifts.  Right now there are two calls available for download, and the live calls are scheduled for the 1st and 3rd Fridays of the month.  Our next call is this Friday.  Please let me know if you'd like to join us.  Right now we've discussed how the Empath deals with input from others, basic protections, and we've just begun talking about the Drama Triangle and the Empath.  If you'd like to learn more, just go to my website and click workshops.  It's the first workshop listed.Here's to enjoying our Empathy and our intuitive gifts!Elaine

Who controls your consciousness?

Hi Everyone,Wow!  If you are an Empath, it's hard not to absorb the doom and gloom mentality of the group right now (or consensual reality, as shaman's like to call it)  It is precisely at times like these that we must remember that we are the authors of our own stories.  We are in charge of creating our lives.  That is, unless we give our power over to others, without even realizing that that is what we are doing.If you are scared and fearful right now, make sure that you aren't tapped in to the group consciousness.  Take back your power.  You may have to turn off the news or stop reading the paper for the next few months.  Instead, look at what you are creating in your life right now, look at what you have control over right now.  This is your focus--the rest of it really doesn't matter.But, is there anything that needs to change in your life?  Now is the best time to make those changes.  Is there anything out of alignment with your personal essence, your soul?  Now is the time to start the transition.  It's hard, because change always brings up fear, but moving forward now is so important.Many of my clients and friends are going through big shifts right now that they had put off for a few years.  None of us can get way with putting off our work, including the country as a whole, apparently!  But our focus needs to be more local.If you are in a tough spot, with a job loss, or a relationship on the brink, it is the perfect time to remember your creative manifestation skills.  It is the perfect time to take this time as an opportunity to connect back to the heart, the soul, and make those changes now.I have been filled with fear over the past few months--I've been absorbing the group think and also my beliefs about the pachakuti (2012) have been triggered.  It's been the perfect time for me to look at my own power, and what I want to create.  Looking at my life now, I've seen that I've done the work in my relationships and in my practice.  Everything is in pretty good alignment.  There's no reason that I won't be well supported like I always have because I've gotten those kinks out of the way.  Of course, there's no guarantee of this, but life is a risky business--but this was true before the financial crisis!  Taking stock at where I am, what I want to create in my life, I see all is well, and much of the fear subsides.  That is, until I look at the paper again!So make this a practice--Look to your own power when frightened, make sure you're in charge of your consciousness, regroup, reconnect to your soul, and go back to living your life supported by the Great Spirit.much love!Elaine

Happy New Year!

Hello Everyone!I'm wishing you a very prosperous and joyful 2009!!  I am just returning to work after a three month long sabbatical, during which I have had time to think about changes to my practice.  The most major change is that I am no longer taking on-going clients.  For the past two years, most clients have worked with me for a year and longer.  What this meant is that I did not get to see very many people.  So, in an effort to reach more people, I am going to offer teleclasses this year on Empathy and the Healing process, an in-person class on Dreaming your Life into Being (in Portland), and a very small mentoring program for beginning healers who want to broaden their base of knowledge with shamanic work, intuitive work, and coaching skills.  If any of these sound good to you, don't hesitate to shoot me an email.I'm looking forward to meeting with you all soon!Elaine

October Newsletter Available

Hello Everyone, My October newsletter is now available at http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/October2008Newsletter.htmEnjoy!!Elaine

Changing the Collective Nightmare

Hello Everyone,Yesterday one of my clients asked me,  "How do I stop feeling guilty for all my blessings when most of the world is in pain and has nothing?"   While I didn't channel the pain of the world as my client has done, I did have guilt that kept me from really enjoying and embracing my life, when I was first getting started in my personal healing. After years of schooling in physics, and then teaching, I used to feel guilty that I was able to stay at home and work on my own dreams, write, and play, and do tons of self-care required to heal enough to be creative. (At the time I wanted to be a sci-fi and fantasy writer---I had no idea that I was going to be struck psychic and a practice as a shaman was coming.) From the outside, from external comparisons, I looked like a decadent weirdo.  I had friends who were resentful and jealous that I was sponging off my first husband; I didn’t have to work as hard as they did.  And I felt guilty and defensive, and yet, a really cool life that I dreamed of living was a life that included creativity, play, and not working very hard at dreary jobs. The reasons I felt guilty and defensive were that I also bought into the belief system that I had to work hard, that life was a life of suffering, and I wasn’t putting value on the spiritual and the creative aspects of life.  No wonder I felt guilty! What I had to realize was, if I truly wanted a life of joy, I had to insist upon it.  I had to use the circumstances I was born with---born into the middle class, given a great education, given a very well developed mind---as the foundation stones to make my life into the best life I could have. What I discovered as I did so was that Yes, there is a collective nightmare out there.  And that nightmare is horrifying.  All of us are part of the collective, so we are all susceptible to being caught up in it.  At the same time, when I focused on what my Heart and Soul craved, life for just me became much, much happier and brighter.  Because I was willing to commit to myself, I found this beautiful, universal, and intelligent creative force was matching my efforts and bringing me more and more. I discovered that the beliefs that we hold to be facts, and the emotions contained inside those beliefs, are what hold us prisoner in the Collective nightmare.  When I decided to wake myself up, I was stepping out of the collective nightmare.  What also began to happen is that my immediate circumstances began to change for the better.  The people with the old belief system went away to be replaced with others with expansive, life-is-good belief systems. I have worked with clients who have invented their own prisons just by the beliefs that they keep.  I have also worked with clients who are subject to the group think beliefs of their culture or family, and have a terrible time creating the lives that they want because the group think is so strong.  And yet, every once in a while there is someone that breaks free of the collective.  In every case that is because they were strong individuals, deeply commited to their souls and to their hearts. What this made me decide was that my feelings of guilt were a mistake.  Somehow I was a product of my own culture's group think, too.  That was just part of the start-button for all human beings.  Freedom comes in learning how to cultivate that Soul Strength, that precious originality that we all have.  And when we do that, then we become these magical creatures. The really neat thing that happened when I got this was that I found that the people around me started picking up on the changes going on inside me.  My vibration was affecting the vibrations around me.  By my healing myself I was healing others simply by my presence.  I'd hear stories later of how I inspired them when I hadn't intended any such thing!  It was now the reverse of where I had started from: one individual being beaten down by my local group think---I had now grown so powerful I could actually change the group think around me instead! So, perhaps the way out of feeling so guilty is to say, Yes, the world is as it is.  It is full of pain, it is full of horror, it is full of unfairness, and very few people out there have purposefully created that for themselves consciously.  That is all true.  But, each of us has the power and the resources within us to gain personal freedom. You can gain personal freedom by acknowledging your own power.  Ultimately, if you *do* commit to your soul, that will mean that you will have to indulge yourself in the best life has to offer you, and that might feel decadent.  But it is precisely that mechanism that makes your Soul strong and allows you to change the collective nightmare into more of a collective dream of bliss.  And man, do we need that!!!! I think each of us has the potential to change the world by our very presence.  But to do that, you have to really commit to living a wonderful, happy life, revelling in it, engaging in it, and not denying the hard parts, too.   I guess I don’t feel guilt at the state of the world any longer because I know that each of us has the same internal resources to heal themselves.  And I also know that each of us must come to that healing in our own time and in our own way.  And I know that it is a mystery how that happens!  I know what I must do, and I put all my energy in following the calling of my Soul.Feeding your soul, commiting to your Soul's Journey is the surest and most honest way of changing the Collective Nightmare that I know of.Elaine

Letting the Heart Break Open

I had the honor of assisting a client through the beautiful but difficult process of letting her heart break open.  Like most of us, she had many defenses over her heart, and yet she wanted to bring a soul mate into her life.  I very clearly had seen for her that she was going to have this beautiful soul mate after she jumped off the cliff into her path as a shaman healer, and that they would travel together.  The man in the reading looked like the actor who plays Superman, so we called him Superman fondly.            As my client settled in to clear those places in her life that were holding her back from stepping into her calling, wonderful opportunities began to manifest for her.  She brought in a job that would solve her financial problems which required a relocation.  As she was waiting to relocate, she decided to follow her heart and try new and fun things.  She met some wonderful people to whom she connected on many levels.  She knew these relationships were temporary because of the upcoming job, so she let herself enjoy herself in the moment.  And she started a very close friendship and connection with one of the men she had met.            Because she was in the moment and she had told herself it was temporary, none of her defenses were up, and she was able to deeply connect with this man, and he with her.  Her heart was opening, and yet she was fearing the loss of having her heart break if she really let herself love him, since she knew that he wasn't ultimately for her.  I encouraged her to let her heart break all the way open, to let herself truly see and be seen by this man, to let herself love him with no strings attached, if she respected, admired, and loved him as much as she said she did.  It did not matter if he wasn't Superman, what mattered was her being authentic and willing to be truly intimate with him on all levels.  The truth was that she loved him, she knew that he loved her, there was nothing preventing declaring this except wanting to spare herself pain and grief when it came to an end.            And she went for it!  She held him in a beautiful heart space and told him she loved him.  He didn't respond immediately with his own declaration of love for her.  She was able to not take it personally that he didn't immediately declare his love, because the open heart does not need to take everything personally and understands the soul is on journey.  Because her Heart Space was so wide open, it allowed his to open, and he declared his love for her the next day.  Then their relationship blossomed, they could see each other as life partners, and an exciting future together was very easy to plan out.   I had actually felt the shift in my client from glancing at their picture in between sessions on accident and knew she had jumped off that cliff and found her Superman.  Before she took the action and made the declaration, the energy of the picture was completely different.           It was the Open Heart, the willingness to act from that space, and the declaration of love that changed her into Superwoman ready for Superman.           But my client remembered that the original reading told her that he wasn't her soul mate.  So, she was in a bind of fearing that she was giving up the destiny that she really wanted for a man that she loved who wasn't meant for her.  She was conflicted and confused.  How could what she had with her lover not be the relationship, how could it not match up with her path as a shaman healer when everything about it now felt fantastic and right?  She still was leaving for her new job in just a few weeks, but even the long distance didn't matter, they were both confident that it would work.           When we next spoke she was reluctant to discuss with me her relationship because she  wanted to become clear that she was hearing her own soul before I added any more information.  It was with the great pleasure to confirm for her that Yes, this was it!!  And that she had made it possible with her huge open heart.                  It was part of her journey to walk the painful path of opening her heart without a guarantee of success.  It had been a possibility that her lover wouldn't have responded with his own open heart, and wouldn't have stepped in as her soulmate.  Ironically, it was also part of her journey to feel the conflict of apparently going against what she had thought was her path versus what she knew to be her path.  Now she will know for the rest of her life that she can trust her heart, and that she can trust her soul to guide her.  She has the visceral experience of knowing what was right for her soul versus what was an old interpretation that didn't fit the new energy she herself had brought in.  My client will Source from her Soul now instead of from anyone else, even her shaman teachers.            I am so excited for this couple, I was laughing and crying as she was telling me her good news.  What a joy!  This is the magic of the Open Heart.  It brings healing and expansion to relationships, it literally pulled in a joyous destiny that was unavailable without the Heart Space to activate it, and it is the only guarantee to a rich and meaningful existence.

Destiny Retrieval

Hi Everyone,I just returned from another Soul Retrieval Training given by the Four Winds.  This training concentrated on Destiny Retrieval.  Sounds intriguing, doesn't it!!  Destiny Retrieval includes the art of journeying to the upperworld and retrieving healed states, gifts, and the essences of what we would like to create in our future. I have many inquiries from potential clients who want to have a Destiny Retrieval.  However, the key to a successful Destiny Retrieval is to work on all the old stuff that needs to be put to rest (die) in order to bring in something new (rebirth)  That means lots of soul retrieval work, extractions, and illuminations to clear the old imprints so the person's energyfield is ready to receive the new information.In my work with my clients, every once in a while, usually after several months of working together, I am not allowed into the underworld (where soul retrieval work is usually done) but told to go to the upperworld instead.  Those times are very exciting for me because it's a sure indication that my client has done his or her work that they are ready! and the Great Spirit agrees.Destiny Retrieval IS wonderful, but it is powerful work.  If we don't step into that powerful destiny retrieved for us, our lives can turn bad.  I've actually seen this happen to people who don't have a formal shamanic destiny retrieval, but who instead commit to a big change in their lives (to go to school, to bring in the right mate, etc.) and then they don't take the steps necessary to bring it into being.  So, it is important to recognize that we already do create our destinies with each dream we dream and each choice we make.The shamanic work adds more power to what we already do in a clear way. If you have questions or comments, let me know!Elaine

Control and the First Chakra

Hi Everyone,I had a client recently who wanted to do some soul retrieval work on her need to control.  She thought that being controlling was in direct conflict with letting more Spirit in, and that this was the reason why her intuitive hits felt off to her, and why her journeying wasn't as spectacular as it had been. While surrendering control and going with the flow are required practices for most intuitives, for some reason I didn't believe my client was that controlling.  To me she seemed quite gifted in following guidance, trusting Spirit and leaping, and had even just recently changed her life at Spirit's direction.  Instead, I suspected that this feeling of needing to be in control was because she was feeling insecure and unsafe, and was still a bit ungrounded from that change. When we took a closer look, that turned out to be the case.  Four months before she had completely changed her life by moving from the big city to the country to live with her boyfriend.  She hadn't yet completely claimed her new home, and she and her boyfriend were still getting used to living with each other. Our need to control isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It can serve very good purposes, just as fear does.  Fear can motivate us to take care of things we might overlook, and it helps us avoid dangerous situations.  Control helps us organize our lives, and can keep all those details of being in the physical world from overwhelming us.  Problems do arrise when we let these first chakra energies get out of proportion.  But, if I have a client that has already done a lot of personal work on these issues, I suggest that perhaps their current need to control is an indication that their first chakra needs some attention. I had this experience myself when I left one way of life for another.  I had invited in more Spirit, and was horrified when my life fell apart.  however, it was only temporary.  Really, my first chakra was being reassmebled and strengthen to handle the new energy coming my way.  If you'd like to read more about my experience, I have written about the first chakra and growing your foundation on my website.  You can read this essay atwww.clearreflectioncoaching.com/FoundationChakraSystem.htmI am confident that when my client is feeling at home, and safe and secure, this will be a good indication that she has strengthened her first chakra.  With that bigger foundation in place, her gifts will easily come through again, and that feeling of needing to control will pass. Elaine

Drama and Empathy---Being a Rescuer

Hi Everyone,             The Drama Triangle is essential for Empaths and Spiritual Seekers to understand so we can avoid it and have more energy to create the lives that we really want. Practicing spotting when we are playing any of the three roles (Victim, Rescuer, Perpetrator) can help take us out of the drama triangle forever and into personal empowerment. Because the roles of  drama are archetypal (they are a part of our culture and group consciousness) they can be hard to notice when we are playing them.             Once the Empath comes to terms with the way he or she acts out a victim story, the next role to look at is the Rescuer.  This is the role that is the most confusing for Empaths.  Because empaths are easily hooked in to the emotional responses of others, and we are naturally compassionate, and because emotional energy is something that we are good at processing, we can find ourselves making others in our lives feel better by processing the others' emotions for them, or by trying to actively fix and find solutions for the others in our lives.  Although usually there are good intentions involved, rescuing usually does not work out well because it still leaves the victim disempowered and the rescuing empath depleted.            In more unhealed cases, rescuers can get themselves into trouble by making themselves necessary to the victim's life.  More common for the Empath is the times when we are not aware that we are playing the role of rescuer, and we discover ourselves in a relationship where we find we are considered necessary to another, even though we haven't chosen this for ourselves.  Then we can find ourselves feeling trapped and unable to figure out how to escape.            In fact, whatever victim we have attracted to ourselves has expectations on how we should behave as rescuer.  When we don't come through for this person the way she expects, she can become very angry with us and blame us for a failed rescue.  (The rescuer now becomes the perpetrator in the victim's eyes for the failed rescue.)  From the rescuer's perspective, we are in danger of thinking of ourselves as a victim of the angry victim's blame and demands, and so the original victim we were supposed to rescue has become the perpetrator.  If we do not catch ourselves at this point, we can continue this cycle of switching places on the drama triangle, creating discomfort and pain for everyone involved.            The way out of this, if we tend to be rescuers, is to make sure that our support is not crossing the line into the other person's power.  If we unwittingly attract a victim person to us, in some cases once we notice we are in this pattern, we can mention what we see, and if the person is conscious enough and willing enough, she may step out of their victim pattern.  In other cases we may have to weather a brief storm from her for failing to rescue the victim the way she would like us to, but if we hold still, the storm will pass and the victim will move on to finding a better rescuer.  And then we will be the wiser and stop the pattern earlier the next time. It's a practice!!!Elaine

Drama and Empathy---being a victim

Hi Everyone, I'm in the process of writing a guide for empaths, and one of the topics that comes up again and again in my practice is how Empaths tend to get stuck in drama.  A drama can be created when we find ourselves acting or behaving as victims.  Being a victim is a position of powerlessness, which then makes it hard to create the life we really want.  We literally cannot manifest our dreams because the vibe we put out is all around helplessness.  Instead, what we attract to us is a Rescuer (who tries to fix us or solve our problems for us, keeping us powerless) or we attract a Perpetrator (who picks on us, and makes us feel even more victimized).  This can be a hugely vicious cycle.  The way to get out of it is to catch yourself if you are blaming someone or circumstances for your emotional or mental state, and then put yourself back into a position of power by claiming responsiblity for your emotions and thoughts.  For empaths this can be a challenge because we can identify so strongly with our emotions.  The emotions are not the problem, however, our perspective around the circumstance at hand is.  When we change the way we relate to the world, it automatically changes how it relates to us. 

Manifestation and the Power of the Spoken Word

Hi Everyone,Have you watched the DVD, the Secret, that is so popular right now?  Very fun, very inspiring, very simple.  Why can't we all manifest what we want?  Why are so many of us having so much trouble with this topic?  Well, one stumbling block I've noticed to creatives manifesting their dream is a misuse of their words.  When we are on the spiritual path, our karma starts coming back to us quickly.  So, if we've been in the bad habit of not using our words impeccably, we can create chaos in our lives as our external world immediately starts reflecting those creative words back at us.  It's a time to be vigilant in what we are saying!!!  If we are in the habit of commiting to events, to appointments, to others, and then we cancel at the last minute, the external world will offer us a nearly completed dream, and then at the last minute will "cancel" it on us.  This is a simple reflection---what we put out comes back to us.  When we commit to a spirit-based life, the law of karma acts quickly! If you are suffering from dreams that fall apart at the last minute, take a good look at your words and to if you hold yourself to your commitments or if you tend to cancel in the 11th hour.Elaine

Client Success Story

Hello Everyone, I just had the great pleasure of connecting with a former client of mine, Jagger Cook.  When we worked together a few years ago he had mentioned his love of music, especially songwriting and singing.  I'm so happy to announce that he has an album being released in just a few months!  The songs are beautifully spiritual, but they are definitely Rock.  I just love it!  You can listen to four of them at http://www.myspace.com/jaggercook   The making of this album is a tale of synchronicity and grace---Jagger I hope you'll share more!!Elaine

Life Transition

A request from a classmate:Elaine and friends,My name is Ann and we met at Sonia Choquette's Six Sensory Practitioner workshop in Chicago. I enjoyed connecting with you, Elaine, and Jenna, and am grateful for your efforts in organizing the phone call and encouraging the use of your discussion board. Thanks!I'm sure that one reason we connected is because you have made the transition that I am smack in the middle of...from one career to another and living more authentically as a six sensory person.I can feel my core energies getting stronger and stronger and the general vision for what comes next becoming clearer. I hope to learn more from you about how you managed your transitions as I make my way through mine.For now, I work at a university, coordinating computer training. The more my intuition grows, the harder it gets. The culture of not being real is stifling.The vision is to be self-employed as a feng shui consultant, combining floral design in my practice. Sonia Choquette recommended this in my reading, and I have been trying this on, with fun synchronicities along the way.I am listening for guidance about next steps...whether to leave my current locale - strong vibes for that -- and how, when....or whether to try to get more going here. Something in me wants to pick up and move to California and simply start a new life as my authentic self, with fresh new energy. And not a lot of money in the bank to do it with! :-)Any vibes or support or tales from your paths as I gather my courage and move forward would be appreciated.