Fan-Hero Family System Ebook Now Available

Hello Everyone!

I've just posted a new ebook on my website in the shop called The Empath and the Hero-Fan Family System.  I first published these essays in 2009.  These essays have been revised and expanded.  If you are an Empath and you've found yourself caught in confusing relationship patterns where everything seems normal, healthy and happy on the outside but on the inside you feel crazy, sick, tired, and confused, you may be dealing with unhealthy Heroes or unhealthy Fans.  These essays cover what this type of family system looks like, how Emotionally Dissociated Hero behavior is reinforced by Fans. 

Also included is a description of Secret Drama, a painful relationship dynamic between an Empath and a Hero  in which the Empath keeps secrets for the Hero but then the Hero makes the Empath into a scapegoat for the entire Family so the Family can keep its illusion of health and happiness.  Many people find my website because they have this painful relationship with a Hero.  I map out why this relationship unfolds the way it does and how the Empath can extract herself and then heal using shamanic work.

I hope you find this new ebook helpful!

much love,

Elaine

The Dangers of the Pedestal

Hi Everyone!

This week I've had two people ask me questions about relationship issues that all stemmed from a pattern of behavior that I like to call Putting Others on a Pedestal.  In one case one person was put on the pedestal and viciously knocked off, in the other case, a person who had an old pattern of putting women on a pedestal needed a little clarity around what was her part in the relationship blip, and what was her friend's part.  These questions, and another around how to end a relationship that's mired in Drama with as little drama as possible led me today to post an ebook for sale on in my shop called The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal. 

In this ebook I talk about how important doing our Shadow Work is so that we don't project our old wounds onto the people around us.  I also talk about the most common wound, the Mother Wound, and how that wound, when severe, can lead to this painful Pedestal Pattern in which we fall in love with a guru, partner, or best friend, then become terribly disillusioned and attack the person for failing us.  Once we heal our wounds and step into full maturity and power ironically we become easy targets for others to put US on pedestals.  I cover an example of how a non Empath can do this, and how confusing and crazy-making this behavior is for the unwitting Empath.  I hope this ebook will be helpful to you!  Here's a brief introduction:

As Empaths we can easily fall into the role of Rescuer because we tend to be good listeners, we tend to be supportive and accepting, and in general we hold a safe emotional space for others because we are so in touch with our emotional bodies.  We tend to be healers and confidantes for our friends and family without realizing that is the role we are cast in.   However, a warning sign that a relationship is headed for Drama is when one of us in the relationship is putting the other on a pedestal.

When this happens to me with a client, I am sure to point out to them their own power and magnificence.  I also ask if they realize that they are putting me on a pedestal.  With the clients who can see that, we have a basis of continuing to work together because they are conscious of their positive shadow projected onto me.  If they aren't able to see how they are projecting, I will usually refer these clients to colleagues with a strong background in counseling rather than coaching.   

The reason for this is that the projection of positive shadow (the person on the pedestal is soooo wonderful) can turn very quickly into a projection of negative shadow when the person is revealed to have limits.  Usually the fall from the pedestal is pretty spectacular.   If we have been buying into that positive projection the switch to the negative projection can be very painful and confusing. 

The clue for choosing a new client relationship became, how much was this client expecting from me?  How good were this client's boundaries?  How much did this client like me and express that feeling given our professional relationship?  Had this client done any work already to choose self-responsibilty over Victimhood at all times?  These are good questions for all Empaths working on their own boundaries to ask themselves before they enter into a relationship. 

 If a potential friend or client expresses lots of flattery, gives gifts, or tells me they want to be friends after our work together in the first session or two, this is a strong indication that this person has a severe Mother Wound and will need lots of counseling in addition to Soul Retrieval and Underworld Work.

Most of us do put others on a pedestal.  Really, it is the degree to which we do it that determines if it is normal or unhealthy.  Most clients I work with do love and appreciate the work that I do.  That is fine.  And it is fine to enjoy the positive projection, but I have learned to not take it personally.  Because, sure enough, the negative projection will soon follow, and that can't be taken personally, either.

However, for unhealthy people who have not taken full responsibility for themselves, moving into Bully position after they have knocked the person off the pedestal feels fully justified.  For the person that has just fallen off the pedestal, she is in for a stream of psychic attack at the least and violence at the worst.  It can be very scary and confusing to be in that position.  The only healthy way out of it is to ride out the storm at that point, take care of the self, but not engage any of the archetypal positions on the triangle.

In my new ebook, The Empath, Shadow Work, and the Pedestal I cover the basic pattern of Empaths putting others on a Pedestal.  I also describe what it is like for another Enneagram Archetype, the Black and White Thinker to put an Empath on a pedestal, and how dangerous that can be for the Empath.  I hope you will find this ebook helpful and useful in deciphering your own relationships.

much love,

Elaine

Psychic Flus and Sandpaintings

Hi Everyone,

I had the opportunity this week to help a friend with the psychic flu.  She came down with cold symptoms at the same time my son did, however, her symptoms continued to spiral into a very bad flu.  She ended up missing several days of work and was fearful that she wouldn't be able to pay her rent that month because of it.

I suspected that she was suffering from a psychic flu, not just a physical flu.  She had been under tremendous stress with a family member being diagnosed with terminal cancer, which triggered other crazy-making family dynamics.  I suspected that her body was using a relatively innocuous virus as a way of processing some of the stuck emotional energy out of her system.  I suggested we test my theory by having her create a sandpainting out on her balcony and "blowing" all of the yucky stuff into the painting.

Immediately, within a few seconds, her headache went away.  A few hours later her congestion was gone.  The next day her chest cold cleared up.  This was after four days of her symptoms becoming steadily worse.  By the time I saw her on the 6th day she looked and felt completely restored.

So, as we move into another school year and more exposure to cold bugs, don't forget to use your mythic and energetic plane tools such as sandpaintings, fire ceremony, and salt baths.  Keep up a daily practice to keep your field clear, and use that sandpainting if a big issue comes up so you can process it at the Mythic plane with help from the Mother Earth instead of having to suffer through it physically with a bad flu.

I'm Returning to Client Work

Hello Everyone!I hope summer fun is making its way towards you.  I've had a very interesting six months reshaping my practice and diving into my personal work.  I've just completed my second trip around the medicine wheel, and it's so nice to feel clear and feel ready to move forward once again.  As you know, I stopped taking clients last year.  I'm once again ready to take just a few clients through word of mouth referrals.  If you have worked with me in the past, and would like a session, I'm ready to hear from you.I'm also cruising along with my book on Relationships for the Empath.  This book combines shamanic personal work, Archetypes, and personal and client stories into a guide for Empaths so we can understand where we tend to trip up in our relationships.  I'm very excited about how this book is coming together.  Right now the plan is to publish as soon as possible on Amazon, with a CD set to go along with it for those Empaths that love listening more than reading.During this time off I've rediscovered how much I enjoy the work.  Part of my new practice is mentoring beginning shaman practitioners in client work, and spending more time documenting what I learn as I go.  I'm really looking forward to diving in once again.  In honoring the shift I've experienced, the website will soon have a different look, as well as this blog.  I hope you will enjoy it.much love,Elaine

The Power of Story and Projection

Hi Everyone, Fall has finally arrived here in Portland bringing with it an end to 80 degree days and sunshine.  I so love this change in season!  In the past several weeks I've noticed two topics come up with my clients repeatedly--identification with a Story, and Projection of the conclusions of that Story out onto others.  So, I thought I would discuss this more in the Empath Telecall; the next one is this Friday at noon pacific time.  These two topics of so important because we create our lives through our Stories and our Beliefs, and we have so much external reinforcement of our Stories and Beliefs that they begin to feel like facts rather than something that we have control over and can personally change.From the shaman's perspective, once we get to know our Story, we can change it and use a different, more empowering story, which manifests our lives in a better way for us.  Some of these disempowering stories become so embedded in our system that we need help digging out those stories and their beliefs.  But once we understand our stories and our patterned way of thinking about ourselves, we gain more control of our lives.  Empaths in general have a typical group of stories that we like to tell ourselves.  We tend to have great imaginations and live in fantasy and romatic story, we tend to need rescuing (which leads to problems with personal responsibility), or we tend to waste time rescuing others (the flip side of the Drama Triangle), we tend to be perfectionists which leads us to be painfully self-conscious, and we tend to have tragic stories that lead us to concentrate on the past sorrowfully instead of move forward into our creativity.  As we become healthy, we can change these stories around and gain strength and wisdom from them instead.Most of us have experienced traumas or unhappy experiences in our past that stuck with us for so long, that they repeat themselves in our current life.  We tend to interpret our current experience through these past experiences, and draw similar conclusions.  In psychology, this is called projection.  From the shaman perspective, however, projection is also a energetic and vibrational experience as well, meaning that we will in the literal plane draw to us the players that we need to play out the roles in our particular story and make it very easy to project.  If we have a pattern that plays out repeatedly, the shaman can help dismantle it, and teach the client how to recognize the pattern and the typical projection that comes with it.  This is hard hard personal work because when each of us project unconsciously, it seems like the world is the way it is, rather than it originating from us--it is a blind spot for us, although it might be quite obvious what the blindspot is for others looking in!  But from the shaman perspective, each of us is the source of our reality, and each of us is responsible for everything that we create. This is both frightening and empowering, because it means that by changing our internal world, we can change our literal external world for the better.  All we need to do is start with ourselves and our own innerworld.  This is good news for the Empath who loves looking at the innerworld, but it is also a challenge.  Some of our most powerful patterns come from our family system.  We take on our role in the family and the belief system, and if we do not become conscious, that belief system can so run our lives that we do not have much choice in how our lives unfold.  However, breaking out of a family belief system can be incredibly painful and confusing, depending on how unhealthy the belief system was for us, and how ingrained our family members will still be in holding it together.  The pull from these types of patterns can literally feel like they have a life force all their own.If you'd like to learn more, or share your personal experiences with these topics, please feel free to join me on Friday, or write to me here on my blog.  Here's to doing the personal work in order to live a happy and free life!much love,Elaine

Family System Reinforcement Essays

Hello Everyone! I hope you enjoy the labor day weekend.  Here in Portland we're planning on enjoying a bbq on Sunday despite the rain in the forecast.  I just love autumn! This week I've published several new essays on my website around Family System Reinforcement.  These essays follow one Empath through a Family System and show her path in healing from the typical Empath wounds of rejection and abandonment so she can form her own happy marriage and family.  If you are an Empath, these essays are for you.  If you are an emotionally dissociated Hero these essays may also be helpful in seeing how the Archetypes of Empath and Hero interact.www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htmThe new essays are toward the bottom of the page under the heading, Family System Reinforcement.Enjoy, and have a wonderful holiday weekend!much love,Elaine

The Empath and Archetype

Hi Everyone,I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful summer!  In Portland we're starting another thankfully short heatwave after a few weeks of cool days in the 70's.  I had an interesting synchronistic experience last week that I wanted to share with you.  As most of you know, when synchronicity is in action, Spirit is in action--we've stepped out of linear time and into circular time.  It's a cool and magical experience.  I had this plus the veil between waking time and dream time lift briefly to give me a glimpse into my own healing process.  What magic, but whoa!As all of you know I've been working on a series of essays to collect into a book for the past two years based on the healing journey of most Empaths.  What I've concluded from working with clients and from my own personal healing work is that Archetypal forces shape our lives more than we might think.  Our lives feel very personal to us (especially if we have the Archetype of Empath) but in the larger picture, we are living out similar archetypal patterns.  So, my book and my Empath Telecall have been centered around these archetypal forces so we can understand what is happening to us and step out of archetypal forces, or at least use the best parts of the archetype for our benefit.For the past three calls I have been pulling lessons out of my own personal story to illustrate the collective force of the Family, and how that force can be so strong we may not break free of it to lead the lives that we might choose for ourselves.  I had been afraid that I might step too strongly into my own personal story when it came to describing the archetype of the Fan, because in my past people with the Fan archetype have irritated and disappointed me greatly.  (The Fan is the archetype that is most concerned about the group and maintaining the group or family, even at the expense of the individuals involved.)The night before I held my telecall I had a dream in which tornados were taking out the buildings of my college campus.  I had looked behind me, and two tornados were tearing a building apart.  As I turned my head to the right, three more tornados were taking out another building.  Now I was terrified and afraid that I was going to be caught in the twisters and killed.  I started to run.  But, when I looked ahead of me, two more tornados were destroying yet another building.  In that moment I understood that I was not going to survive this, and my fear went away.  It was OK to let myself die.I woke up feeling well rested, oddly enough, given the dream!  Usually I do not know until the last minute who will be on these telecalls.  As it turned out in this call all the participants had Fan mothers (including me.)  The lecture that I had prepared was pertinent personally to each of them, and it made such a difference as to how they were viewing their relationships with their Fan mothers.  In fact, the call helped me understand my own mother, and the Fans in my husband's family better as well.  Spirit brought the right participants, and my worries about becoming too personal were unfounded; after all, I was talking about the collective's archetypal patterns.The next day my husband and I were at the park with our toddler son.  We were talking about the insights I had come to from giving my telecall, and how we could let the anger and guilt we still had at leaving his family system die.  While we were happy that we had escaped the powerful group think so we could have the lives that we really wanted, there were still parts of us that cycled between guilt and anger at having done so.  Of course, the remaining guilt and the anger are residues of the strength of influence the family group think had over us.As we talked about this, on my right, just out of my arms reach, a dust devil stirred up.  It swirled into a mini twister about a dozen feet tall, threw up bark chips in my hair, my husband's hair, then moved past me to my son and threw chips into his hair, then it chased a toddler across the park before dissipating.  We started laughing at this, given my dream of two days before.  We were getting cleaned out to the very roots, and not only had I seen it in dream time, I had seen it in waking time, too.  Progress in our healing made, with comfirmation from Spirit!I love working with Spirit!  Healing work is usually a mixture of hard work and joy at the freedom coming our way when we really step in to the path of power.  But for me, those meetings of Spirit making the huge signs are the most rewarding.  I hope this story helps you step in and claim those places where you are still giving your personal power away instead of using it for your own creativity and joy.much love,Elaine 

New Essays Available

Hello Everyone!I hope you all are enjoying your summer.  I am happy to say that I am feeling much much better, so much so that I've been able to return to writing, and to working one-on-one with clients on a limited basis.  Right now I'm able to take new clients for Intuitive Readings, but I'm limiting energywork sessions to those people who have worked with me on my Empath Telecall.  If you've been waiting for a reading, please let me know.I've published six new essays to the website for purchase.  The new essays are around our Soul's Calling, and the challenges of following a Spiritual path and being a co-creator with Spirit.  You can see these essays by visiting my website at this link: http://www.elainelajoie.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htm These essays are toward the bottom of the page, and labelled added July 23rd.  Many thanks to my clients for inspiring these essays and for letting me be a facillitator in their healing process!Also, I've posted a new essay at  around the challenges of giving up denial, especially when we may be still surrounded by other living in Illusion.  Sometimes we can wonder why we started on the path at all when life can feel excrutiating.  Denial is like an emotional immune system, keeping us happy when all is really not well.  For those of us on a Spiritual path, we consciously turn off that emotional immune system.http://www.elainelajoie.com/GivingUpDenial.htmI hope these are helpful.  For the rest of the summer I'll be focussing on finishing up those essays on Family Reinforcement, the Emotionally Dissociated Hero, the Fan, and the Empath.  Once those are complete, I will announce it here.  In the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy the website and the Empath Telecalls.much love,Elaine 

Shamanic Work and Family System Reinforcement

Hello Everyone,I just recently returned from working with Marv and Shanon Harwood of Kimmapii Energies up in Alberta, Canada.  This was a great opportunity for me to revisit the South work of Shedding what no longer Serves, plus I had the chance to see Marv again.  While I am recovering from my experiences of the Spring, I highly recommend Marv if you need energywork done.  He certainly did some amazing work on me while I was there!  His website is http://www.kimmapii.com/Also, I just finished recording the Eighth Empath Telecall.  In this call we talked about how our Family System keeps us stuck in old patterns and behaviors that might not be in our best interest, and how painful it can be when we stop colluding with our family of origin.  The next call we'll talk more about how shamanic work can undo family belief systems that began generations ago that still keep us bound in the present.  In both calls I use my personal experiences and experiences with clients.  If you are interested in listening, go to http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathTeleclassPurchase.htm

My practice is full, but I hope to take more clients soon.

Hi Everyone,As some of you already know, I've had to limit my practice because  I was ill for all of April and most of May.   Last year these health problems were directly related to working with heavy duty client energy.  But this year I discovered that these new health problems were more related to stepping into what the shaman calls destiny, which usually involves deathwork as we step into change.  So, until I figure out this next step in my personal work, I am accepting only those clients who have worked with me in the past or whom I've worked with on my Empath Teleconference Call.  I hope towards the end of the year to work with more of you, especially those of you who have requested intuitive readings.In the meantime, please use my site as a resource, and visit my links page to look for other coaches and shaman.  I highly recommend Greta Holmes, Hilda Porro, Marv Harwood, Irina Dittert, and Steven Encinas plus the others listed on my site are also very very good.   These are the people who work on me, so I know how gifted and connected to Spirit they are.There are now 7 audio conference calls and 11 essays for purchase on the website.  If you found my website because you were dealing with someone who is an Emotionally Dissociated Hero, and you found the free essay helpful, you'll find many of these essays and audios helpful, too.  Just go to workshops, click on the Empath Teleconference Call, and there will be a listing of what is now available.  I am also working on getting transcripts of the calls, since many people prefer reading those rather than listening.  I had hoped to have all the essays posted, but I have not had the chance to concentrate on writing.  I plan on having everything up by the end of the summer, and to have hardcopies available for purchase on amazon soon after that.In the meantime, I am travelling to Canada to study the Medicine Wheel with Marv Harwood in June.  This will be my second time through the wheel, and I am both looking forward to it, and also wondering how it will be this time around.  The medicine wheel is a process of transformation, so it is fitting to spend the year working through the wheel as I come to terms with what I am becoming as far as that destiny goes.  ;-)Many of you have sent me questions which I'll soon be able to answer here on the blog.  Have a wonderful summer, and I will appear here again very soon!much love,Elaine

E-Essays now Available

Hi everyone!Well, at the urging of some of my clients, I've made some of my essays that will appear in my book available for purchase ahead of time.  I hope to have the book published as a softcover book by the end of the year, but I've said that before.  So, here's the first set of 6 essays.  Just visit my website herehttp://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htmLet me know what you think, and I hope they are helpful!much love,Elaine

Dealing with Attack Energy

 Hello everyone!I had a question arrive in my email box about dealing with the unspoken messages from someone else.  In this case, my client is receiving "attack" vibes.  What do we do when those are unspoken vibes and not acted upon by the other person?  This is an important question for Empaths because we tend to respond to the unspoken and the hidden rather than what is actually going on literally.  Here is her question:"I get a weird vibe from one of the girls at our annual gathering.  It's like she wants to attack me or I annoy her or it's like she jealous and I get this feeling of her wanting to put me in my place. Anytime I'm being funny or entertaining I can feel her energy.  At times like these it would be nice to be normal and just not notice it and go on with my life like the others around me!   I was super aware of her energy and not sure how to handle it.  My usual method would be to shrink back and shut down or to try to please her which feels awful and weak.  So as I was trying to figure out how to handle this these options came to mind.  Do I...a. understand that she is just injured somewhere in this area and is acting out of pain and needs healing and understanding.  Try to send her love, make her feel more comfortable and try to help her. (feel like I've been burned by this approach in the past) b. Put up the strongest boundaries I can muster and try my best to go on with my life ignoring her. (this doesn't really work for me) c. Think "oh this is interesting Sally is having these feelings hmm. I wonder what is going on with her?" and then let the energy go through me so to speak understanding that this is her stuff I DON'T have to own it and it doesn't have to have power over me.  Just let it be and bring the focus back on myself my body, what I'm seeing around me, what I'm feeling sensing etc.  (This seemed to work pretty good!)I do know the more I was afraid of her reaction the worse things seemed to get. The fear fueled it so to speak.  Honestly acknowledging to myself, however, what I was sensing from her and then not taking responsibility for it and not giving these feelings power over me seemed to work well."OK, to answer this question, it's helpful to look at it from the Drama Triangle perspective.  Option a. operates from the Role of Rescuer.  This person's anger and annoyance isn't really any of our business to fix.  As Empaths we tend to try to fix things to make ourselves feel better.  It can backfire, especially since the other person could easily fall into the Bully role if we step into the Rescuer role.  Sure, she may be wounded or whatever, but it is not our business.Option b. is somewhat doable and in other ways not doable.  As Empaths we cannot ignore this extra information, especially when it is attack being directed at us.  Trying to resist it in this way can be exhausting.  At the same time, it is important to realize that hanging out in this type of vibration is also exhausting, and that there will be a cost later.  This person is sending out psychic attack, and that does have an effect on our system. Option c is great!  It acknowledges what is going on.  The attack vibes are real.  It puts the responsibility on the attacker, and it also keeps us out of both the Victim and the Rescuer roles.  (and bully role, too!)  This identifying the problem, seeing who is responsible, and then moving out of the way of the vibration is the "aikido" of energetic protection.  At the same time, the vibration in the room is still not good for us, and we should understand that our limits with such a person are going to be lower than other non-Empaths.The description of coming back into the body and noticing what is literally going on is what is called moving into the perceptual state of the literal (serpent in shamanic terms)  Doing so shuts off momentarily the perceptions of the hidden (jaguar) from which most Empaths live.  But it is approaching the whole issue with non-personal awareness (the perceptual state of the soul) that allows us to be in such situations without having to engage them or get caught in someone elses drama.The last bit of observation--that the fear tends to exacerbate the psychic attack--is my client moving into the Victim mode, which invites more attack from the Bully, even though no conscious drama is going on!!!  This is the power of the drama triangle!  The best protection from these situations is to not get caught in the other person's Drama--don't pick up whatever role they want you to play.  And move out of the way.  Sometimes we DO need to move physically out of the way as well, but do so without a big story of Drama around it. With just an annual gathering of a few days, I bet my client can handle it and still enjoying the rest of the people there.  If this was a daily occurance, then something would need to change for my client's emotional health. Let me know if you have more questions!! much love,Elaine

Support for the Empath

Hi Everyone!I am happy to annouce that I have been able to record the Empath Telecall for those of you who are looking for support and insight into your intuitive gifts.  Right now there are two calls available for download, and the live calls are scheduled for the 1st and 3rd Fridays of the month.  Our next call is this Friday.  Please let me know if you'd like to join us.  Right now we've discussed how the Empath deals with input from others, basic protections, and we've just begun talking about the Drama Triangle and the Empath.  If you'd like to learn more, just go to my website and click workshops.  It's the first workshop listed.Here's to enjoying our Empathy and our intuitive gifts!Elaine

Who controls your consciousness?

Hi Everyone,Wow!  If you are an Empath, it's hard not to absorb the doom and gloom mentality of the group right now (or consensual reality, as shaman's like to call it)  It is precisely at times like these that we must remember that we are the authors of our own stories.  We are in charge of creating our lives.  That is, unless we give our power over to others, without even realizing that that is what we are doing.If you are scared and fearful right now, make sure that you aren't tapped in to the group consciousness.  Take back your power.  You may have to turn off the news or stop reading the paper for the next few months.  Instead, look at what you are creating in your life right now, look at what you have control over right now.  This is your focus--the rest of it really doesn't matter.But, is there anything that needs to change in your life?  Now is the best time to make those changes.  Is there anything out of alignment with your personal essence, your soul?  Now is the time to start the transition.  It's hard, because change always brings up fear, but moving forward now is so important.Many of my clients and friends are going through big shifts right now that they had put off for a few years.  None of us can get way with putting off our work, including the country as a whole, apparently!  But our focus needs to be more local.If you are in a tough spot, with a job loss, or a relationship on the brink, it is the perfect time to remember your creative manifestation skills.  It is the perfect time to take this time as an opportunity to connect back to the heart, the soul, and make those changes now.I have been filled with fear over the past few months--I've been absorbing the group think and also my beliefs about the pachakuti (2012) have been triggered.  It's been the perfect time for me to look at my own power, and what I want to create.  Looking at my life now, I've seen that I've done the work in my relationships and in my practice.  Everything is in pretty good alignment.  There's no reason that I won't be well supported like I always have because I've gotten those kinks out of the way.  Of course, there's no guarantee of this, but life is a risky business--but this was true before the financial crisis!  Taking stock at where I am, what I want to create in my life, I see all is well, and much of the fear subsides.  That is, until I look at the paper again!So make this a practice--Look to your own power when frightened, make sure you're in charge of your consciousness, regroup, reconnect to your soul, and go back to living your life supported by the Great Spirit.much love!Elaine

Empath Teleclass Begins Friday

Hello Everyone!I'm happy to annouce the first session of my teleclass for Empaths and Intuitive Introverts!  The first class is scheduled to being this Friday at noon pacific.  If you are an Empath and want advice and information about how to manage your gifts, this call is for you.  You can see more information and sign up for the class by going to:http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathyTeleClass.htmThe format of this call will be lecture and information based on a topic from my book, The Healing Journey for the Empath, plus small group coaching if participants have questions about applying this information in their own lives. I hope you will join in!Much Love,Elaine 

Happy New Year!

Hello Everyone!I'm wishing you a very prosperous and joyful 2009!!  I am just returning to work after a three month long sabbatical, during which I have had time to think about changes to my practice.  The most major change is that I am no longer taking on-going clients.  For the past two years, most clients have worked with me for a year and longer.  What this meant is that I did not get to see very many people.  So, in an effort to reach more people, I am going to offer teleclasses this year on Empathy and the Healing process, an in-person class on Dreaming your Life into Being (in Portland), and a very small mentoring program for beginning healers who want to broaden their base of knowledge with shamanic work, intuitive work, and coaching skills.  If any of these sound good to you, don't hesitate to shoot me an email.I'm looking forward to meeting with you all soon!Elaine

October Newsletter Available

Hello Everyone, My October newsletter is now available at http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/October2008Newsletter.htmEnjoy!!Elaine

Transformation on the Blog

Hi All, A few months ago, NeoInsight wrote in asking questions about his marriage to his Emotionally Dissociated wife.  If you haven't been following the comments that followed the post, NeoInsight has not only divorced his wife, but has also left the Drama Triangle, too, which meant leaving another friendship behind as well.  You can read about his journey in the post entitled Questions about Emotional Dissociation which was updated just today.It is an interesting thing that our difficulties in our relationships always come back to ourselves.  It's very easy as Empaths to see the Emotionally Dissociated friend or partner as the problem, and believe me, they can be really aggravating.  But, the more interesting question is why are we in the relationship?  What are we getting out of it?  What is our part in creating the problem?  These questions take the focus to where it belongs--our own healing.  And when we heal ourselves, we change our vibration, and then everything around us changes, including our relationship that was the original focus.  Sometimes the relationship ends, but sometimes it also magically transforms.Elaine

Emotional Dissociation---Exposing the Dissociated Hero

I was just asked the question of whether it should be explained to the dissociated hero the motivations that lead her to be cold and unfeeling in her relationships.  My reader had found my essay on dissociated heroes and discovered that his girlfriend could be described as one.  Especially in a break up situation, explaining what is wrong with the hero is probably a bad idea.  While it can be a relief to discover the motivations behind a person's actions, especially when that person has hurt or aggravated us, we have to remember that people are defended for a reason.  To forcibly break down those defenses is in some ways very cruel.Of course, most Empaths are not attempting cruelty, they are attempting to bring clarity.  Empaths, who are very attached to clarity and authenticity and so tend to listen carefully to others' observations of them, have a tendency not to see that their efforts at explaining the faults of another when unasked are seen as an attack rather than as a help by the average person, and by the dissociated hero in particular.  If a break up has already occurred, chances are that the defended hero is not interested in learning more or becoming more self-aware.  Questions to ask before attempting to educate a former mate or best friend are, "Is this person aware of the affect her actions have on others, or does she react based upon how she believes the person should react according to his role?" "Does she normally just want to move onward and forward without looking back at the past?"   The answers to these questions will reveal how disconnected the Hero is from her inner self.  The more disonnected, the worse an explanation will be received. Most dissociated heroes are not interested in becoming self-aware.  That very self-awareness points them in the direction of their inner feelings of unworthiness.  If the Empath or the unwitting person decides to inform the dissociated hero of what motivates her, the Empath is likely to be attacked or even completely ignored in return.  If the Empath doesn’t mind the verbal and psychic abuse likely to head her way, konking the dissociated hero on the head with unwanted knowledge can be a sufficient release of frustration, and also has the added benefit in that the Empath can assuage any feelings of having not done enough to save the relationship.Perhaps in some cases a revelation might be helpful.  I have found this only to be true if the other, when not under stress, has committed to a lifetime of personal growth, and understands the challenges, AND when under stress walks his/her talk.  Even those that do commit to growth can reach their limits and simply may not be able to see past their own defenses.  This applies to all of us, not just dissociated Heroes.  Growth happens in its own time, and usually it happens most gracefully with the consent and inquiry of the one undertaking the growth.  So, as long as my reader is ready to take the consequences, it may be worth it to him to attempt to educate the Hero.I have to say, though, that when I was involved with a dissociated Hero, my attempts to educate her led to the break up of not just our friendship, but several other relationships in our group of mutual friends as well.  Not only that, but the information I gave the Hero fell on deaf ears in that years later she asked for my help in getting out the same sort of dramatic situation Heroes tend to create that I had complained of.  At the time her request for help was mindboggling, but that is how disconnected from reality dissociated Heroes can be.  People really do learn in their own time and sometimes not even with help, and not even with cold hard experience. Let me know if you have further questions or comments on this topic.  I know this is a hot one for Empaths, who are driven to be authentic and truthful, and fix whatever needs fixing.  Sometimes the motto to follow is to cause the least harm and let others to their own paths without our input, especially when it has been made clear that it is not wanted or valued.  Sometimes that entails simply cutting our losses and walking away, without the reconciliation and the understanding we might want, or they might want, given that we'll suffer damage by staying in the relationship. 

Soul Retrieval, Fluid Extractions, and Empathy

I recently received over email the question, "Could parts of a soul switch bodies?  I gave my strength to this girl I care about so she would be OK, and over time I haven't been the same person since.  Sometimes I have had psychic readings done and they have read what she went through and had done as if it had happened to me.  Would sould retrieval help me?" Without tracking this person, it's hard to say exactly what has happened.  However, if I were to take my best guess, I'd say that this person is probably very Empathic and took on much of this girl's energy.  That is why psychic readers read him as if he were her---her energy has literally overtaken his system.  While Soul Retrieval is probably a good idea (or at least a journey to the underworld to see what the contract is between these two people) what is most likely called for is a Fluid Extraction, in which the foreign energy is removed.  Then, depending on whether the relationship is still ongoing, a cord cutting and bands of protection are also good ideas, plus some basic training in keeping energetic boundaries intact. Many times we can take on the energy of our loved ones---they can appear as thought forms that can begin running our system and gain strength if we give it enough of our attention.   This can be highly confusing.  Rarely, a loved one may die and have trouble crossing over.  That loved one can become attached instead, and the person the loved one is attached to can suddenly develop physical symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors of the deceased.  A Fluid Extraction is also very helpful here, too, along with death rites to help the loved one cross over properly.let me know if you have further questions!Elaine